I both love and hate when I get tangled in niche fandoms.
I find something I love, something that's not really mainstream but good in it's own right. I go out to ride my new fixation and start consuming all the media I can find for.
And then I hit the end.
I hit the end of the fan media, and I'm still on my fixation. There are no more fics, no more art, no more headcanons, there's nothing else. But I still want to keep going. I want to keep playing with ideas, reading other people's thoughts, and eventually come up with my own.
But there's none. My brain doesn't have enough ideas to make stories or headcanons of my own. And I can't get myself to create media of my own.
I try to hold on to my spark, to not feel disappointed by how little there is to enjoy. And I end up skulking through the few blogs I've found and consuming everything they have for that media.
I try to talk to those people, but am also so hyperware and anxious of my hyper fixation habits that I'm terrified of making myself a pest. That my questions and need to share what I'm interested in would end up pushing them away or annoy them. So I throw out comments on their AUs, and try to keep them few and spread out. To not seem desperate or irritating. And I get silence.
I try to share some of the media with comments of my own or chattering about the. I get more silence.
It's frustrating, to find something I like and have no one to share that it with.
