#paperxdolls

[vkelleyart]

When @kevinwada put up his paper dolls I was so bummed because I didn’t think I had time to try my hand at dressing them up. Then, I finished my work early today and was like, “Screw it. I’mma draw some outfits for Rogue!!” There’s really no rhyme or reason here - I always loved Rogue’s red suit the best, so I just went with that color scheme. The first two from left to right were just me playing around with some styles. As for the one on the right, because Wada’s Rogue sort of reminded me of a young Diane Lane, I decided to put her in my favorite outfit from “Streets of Fire.” 😂 (If you have no idea what I’m talking about, you really MUST click here.)

[paperxdolls]

For anyone wondering how Ana has affected me: I am now looking at girls I see in the real world who are already looking underweight and thinking Nah I wanna be thinner than that. As I keep looking at thinspo, the ones I choose to save get smaller and smaller

[paperxdolls]

I JUST WENT CLOTHES SHOPPING THIS PAST WEEKEND AND NOT ONLY DID I BUY SOME XS SHIRTS BUT ALSO BEFORE I WORE XL FLANNELS BUT I FIT COMFORTABLY IN A LARGE AND ITS STILL KIND OF TOO BIG FOR ME 😁😁😁😁

[paperxdolls]

Recovery update

Things have generally gotten better, some days are better than others. Lately my stress has been through the roof though, and as a result, so has my anxiety. Especially today. It doesn't help me trying to develop a healthier eating schedule that I'm so busy I naturally don't have time to eat. Some days I have dinner and that's it. Some days I have coffee for breakfast and lunch (like today). Normally I wouldnt have complained but having a unhealthy relationship with food in the first place kind of makes it feel like I'm taking backwards steps. My schedule simply doesn't allow me time to eat, between classes, homework, studying, and extra curriculars that require out of class time. The majority of days I have classes from 9am to 5pm with no break, then I have a break for about an hour and then I work from 6-9. These are the days where I usually don't eat. Long story short, it's just kind of frustrating between not having time and having high stress and anxiety and OCD levels, everything just makes it feel like I'm taking steps backwards and not recovering the way I'd like to. My schedule is mimicking my unhealthy relationship with food and eating, even though I really am trying to recover. Life is frustrating.

[paperxdolls]

I feel like The Fattest Person on earth

[paperxdolls]

God I wish I was beautiful

[paperxdolls]

Still fat as all hell. What even matters anymore

[anindescribablemind]

Ranting time: a few days ago my therapist told me that my friends weren't my friends and I'm a burden to my mom. And then when I cried in front of her she said No no no you're just interpreting what I said that way, see your mind is already so negative. And then at the end of the session said she felt like we were developing a good therapist client relationship and asked if I trusted her. Hell the fuck no. First of all you are the worst therapist I've ever had. Worse than the one who told me when I feel my OCD urges to Just not do them, because he didn't make me feel like a piece of shit. Therapists are supposed to help me and help me figure out my life and get my shit together, not make me cry and question everything I've ever known. Especially since I had just started making friends with 2 weeks of the semester left and I'm incredibly antisocial and always have been. I was actually proud of myself, that I was making friends and actually having a good time, and she fucking ruined all of it. And a few weeks ago she found out about my depression and not only told me a graphic suicide story but told me that if I was serious about killing myself i would make it look like an accident. I don't know whether to me more sad or pissed or anxious and just question my entire life. The end