A Noshing of Teeth
TAGGED: Jesse St. James, Rachel Berry
LOCATION: Unnamed (but exotic) Restaurant
TIME FRAME: Sunday Evening, March 22nd, 2015
NOTES: Rachel and Jesse met to catch up over dinner.
Rachel peered out of the window of the cab -- an expense she normally wouldn’t splurge on even with the income her work as a dubbing artist had granted her, but a necessary one if she was to make her meeting with Jesse on time -- and considered telling the driver to turn around for the millionth time.
It wasn’t that she didn’t want to see Jesse, she did; the man was practically her brother in law and was definitely her best friend... at least after everything that had happened with her former significant others... and that was part of the reason she’d been debating with herself until the last moment whether or not to call off their dinner date and why she had to take a cab in order to get there on time.
Because of what had happened with Sam.
If you’d told her even a few months ago that she’d have feelings for Sam Evans every bit as strong as her feelings for Quinn she, well... she’d have had her doubts; perhaps not enough to dismiss the idea outright but enough to second guess the speaker.
Of course, a few months ago she also would have thought that if Sam or Quinn ever left her, it would be to be with each other which only went to show how poor her abilities as a prognosticator were. A fact driven home quite painfully Thursday evening.
But it wasn’t just what happened with Sam that had left Rachel of two minds about meeting with Jesse as planned, it was what she’d done as a result it. At least that’s what she told herself when self doubt and second guessing started to creep into her thoughts. Half of her has talk to someone about it, if only to tell her whether or not she was making a mistake and half of her wasn’t suer she could bear the judgement she’d get if it turned out she was.
Because a part of her wanted to do it, even if that night had never happened, even if Sam hadn’t... if she hadn’t seen... if Blaine and Jesse had made it home first, a part of her wanted to do it
And there was a certain thrill to the idea that Rachel couldn’t deny, but that wasn’t the reason for wanting to. A part of her felt she had to. To prove she could, or maybe to prove she couldn’t; as if that final deciding moment in the recording booth would help her define who she was anymore... or redefine it.
Because she wasn’t the same girl that had come to New York, the same girl that had looked to her future and seen not just a life on broadway but a life with more than just broadway in it. A life with family, a home with the people she loved and who loved her back.
Now... now that future was empty. Broken like so many promises made in tender moments, faded into empty air like so many ‘I love you’s from whispered lips both before and after they’ed brushed together.
Even keeping Blaine and Jesse in her life seemed less certain now. Now that even thinking about their apartment reminded her of-
“Miss, we’re here.”
“Oh.” Rachel said, noticing for the first time the actual view out the window she’d been staring through for the last several minutes. “Yes, thank you. How much is it?”
A few moments of digging through her purse and slipping the cash through the security flap in the plexiglass sheet that divided passenger from driver and a heartbeat of hesitation later, Rachel found herself on the side walk, repeating what she’d told herself back at her dorm room.
She’d lost too much already to loose any more of her family... and she really needed someone to talk to. Even if she wasn’t sure she was ready to hear what might be said.