R & R
I realized yesterday that I was definitely not ready to go back to work. I was fine until around 10 when I got a call from my mom's apartment complex looking for their money since she "broke the lease" when we moved her to the nursing home. After going off on her it was lunch time which I had to spend depositing money into the bank to pay for the obituary. This involved driving down Sherwood on the normal route I used every Monday to go see her.
Needless to say I went back to work and had a series of breakdowns resulting in me leaving at 2:30. I don't know when I can go back. If I lose my job then so be it. I'll find another one.
I have to be my best person at home first. I've checked out on my child, because I am too consumed with grief to function as a mother. Parenting is a more important job than answering a phone and filing papers. I have to get it together at home first.
Jared came home for lunch today with sandwiches and we had a picnic in the backyard. It's such a crazy beautiful day and the fresh air felt so nice. The Earth is still moving.
I just need to find my place on it once more.