#pari$

[asterismsss]

$uicide night time no we don’t fight crime

[someone8888]

[someone8888]

[kaneeeigh-west]

I'm sitting here, waiting for my final load of laundry to dry and to vacuum my apartment before my landlord gets here. I'm conflicted; on one hand I'm going home and I miss my friends and family, but on the other hand I can't believe my 3 months in Paris is over and I'm incredibly upset. 

Paris has always been 'the goal' for me. When I first came here when I was 15 I was somewhat unimpressed; it was dirty, noisy. Full of people. It never stopped. When I got home I found myself constantly thinking of Paris. Not England where I'd spent most of time. I would constantly picture the architecture, imagine myself returning and running around with some friends. I found myself missing the grime, the constant noise. I missed the rude, abrupt people. I missed people helping me with my French. 

When I was 17 I returned with my dad for 2 weeks. That's when I truly fell in love. We were based in the Marais and Paris was my playground. Museums and sightseeing by day, wandering and drinking by night. It was perfect. I spent NYE 2009 here and I remember standing in front of the Eiffel Tower, surrounded by what seemed to be millions of people. I couldn't believe my life. I couldn't believe the city. As the Eiffel Tower lit up to ring in the new year it took every fibre in my body not to start crying. Crying for the city's beauty. Crying for the beauty of my life. After that I was hooked. 

I returned to Australia with a plan: complete French at uni and somehow move over here and work for a political organisation. That didn't happen. I enrolled in French at uni and hated it. The way they taught it ruined its appeal. It was brash, boring, lacking in romance. So instead, I worked. I worked any job I could. I saved my pennies (honestly could have saved them a bit more wisely, but one must learn the hard way). I enrolled at the Sorbonne for 3 months and moved here on my own. 

Regardless of what happens when I get home, where I live, what job I get - I will be back. This city and its people have my heart. 

[kaneeeigh-west]

I've fallen in love with this city; it's people, it's energy. I know I belong here. I feel at home. 

School has been average but in reality, school was the guise in which I came here. I came here to live for 3 months. Become a Parisian (albeit a 5ft9, ranga Parisian with a love of carbs). I think the more time I spend here the more I realise how much I want to do with my life. I don't want to be bogged down with a boyfriend and people relying on me. I want and need to be free to do what I please. I've shed my extra baggage and am ready to embark on everything life has in store for me.

21 is an odd age. I'm not a kid anymore but I'm not yet a fully-fledged 'adult'. I don't understand why people my age are so keen to settle for what's in front of them. That approach to life is bullshit. I promise I'm going to do what I can to make my life as interesting as possible. I'm sure that'll bring drama and difficulties but at least I know I'll be out there living and experiencing. 

Here's to moving ahead, making more mistakes and living my life the way I want to. 

[kaneeeigh-west]

I can't shower because my water's been turned off and it now appears that air-raid sirens are blasting throughout Paris. Happy Wednesday!

[kaneeeigh-west]

I'm definitely missing certain people back home but I'm really not missing Melbourne right now. I need to focus on my own future instead of doing the same stuff everyday. As much as I may be lonely or unsure of what I want; I do know that I only want to move forward with my life and Melbourne is not in that immediate future.