Hey Kids, Let's Talk About Red Flags!
Here's a list of red flags for domestic abuse that are less well-known than threats to your person or property, cyclical violence/honeymoon stages, name-calling, and the like. I've bolded everything my ex-boyfriend did since we broke up the final time (early July) and italicized things that also happened while we were together. If you're experiencing some of the below and have concerns, the national domestic violence hotline is: 1−800−799−SAFE(7233). Someone there can talk to you and offer you assistance and advice.
If a friend discusses any of the below with you and states that s/he is worried, don't minimize his/her fears. Not if you know or are related to the red-flaggy person, and haven't witnessed any of this for yourself; not even if the red-flaggy person can give you personally reasonable sounding explanations for his/her behavior. Listen, and offer support, compassion, local community resources, or whatever else you have at your disposal. Don't minimize, and don't excuse.
Does your partner act jealous of your friends, family, or co-workers or coerce you into avoiding or not spending time with them?
Does your partner check-up on you by repeatedly calling, driving by, or getting someone else to?
Has your partner gone places with you or sent someone just to "keep an eye on you"? (and yes, giving out your ex-partner's anonymous Tumblr address to a mutual friend "because you're worried about her" counts -- my comment)
Does your partner blame you for his problems or his bad mood?
Does your (ex) partner accuse you of being interested in someone else or cheating on them?
Does your partner threaten to kill you or themselves if you leave? (My ex-partner responded to news of my hookup with a mutual friend by committing extreme violence against himself and making sure I knew about it, all while saying he "did it because he didn't want to hurt anyone else")
Is your partner like "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde," acting one way in front of other people and another way when you are alone?
Act extremely jealous and/or possessive of you?
Lose his temper frequently over little things?
Play mind games or make you feel guilty?
Refuse to take responsibility for his actions? Blame you, drugs or alcohol, his boss, parents, etc. for his behavior?
Note: this list applies for women abusers, too.
Also note: If you see these behaviors in yourself, you are waving big shiny red flags of being a potential abuser. If your current or ex-partner responds with anxiety, fear, requests to not be communicated with, cease-and-desist letters, and claims of harassment, this is because statistically, you may be a danger to him/her. You may know in the depths of your soul that you aren't a danger, but your behavior has communicated otherwise. The best thing you can do is back away and respect that person's wishes completely, because s/he is being rational.
Sources: http://www.newchoicesinc.org/help/DV/signs
http://www.newhopeforwomen.org/red-flags-for-domestic-abuse