#passthest4rs

[pass-the-st4rs]

Things might be turning around. I might actually be alright for once. 

[pass-the-st4rs]

That moment when you find old books and drawings and letters that made you happy in the past and they still make you happy now. 

[pass-the-st4rs]

I think I like looking at pictures of oceans, seas, rivers, just great bodies of water because I want to get lost in them and forget about the world and worry about nothing.

[pass-the-st4rs]

Just take me to a place far away from here so I can change. 

[pass-the-st4rs]

That first step.

The first step of something new is always the scariest. I remember the first time I kissed someone else that was not you. I felt so bad for days and days that I felt like I was cheating on you, even though we had nothing to do with each other anymore. I hated myself and I was so confused on what I was doing that I kept hurting not only me, but others around me. I hated that I felt like I knew what I was doing, but then everything could collapse before me. Everything became clear when we finally said, this was the end. It took me a long time to realize that we cannot be together anymore because I still wanted you. I still checked up on you on all these social media websites to see if you changed or to see if you found someone else. I kept thinking there was more to this, but there really wasn't. You were the reason why I held back what could have been amazing relationships or wonderful life-long friendships. I tried to keep myself busy with other people, but that didn't really work out. I wasn't ready for any of it, but I wish I was. I regret, but at the same time, I regret nothing for holding back because of you. I took my time, and now that you're finally gone, I'm really free to focus on myself. I stopped checking up on you as often as I did before, and I'm glad I'm not obsessing over you. I'm more focused on myself, and it's a wonderful feeling. I never really done that before, so it's going to be my first step to becoming happy. I can say that I'm really in a better place in my life, and I'm growing up. It's not that scary anymore.

[pass-the-st4rs]

I’m stuck in that zone of going back and forth. I want it to end, but every single time I’m at my highest, I get reminded of the things that bring me down to my lowest, Where I’m curled up in bed at 1:00 in the morning, Reminded of all the good times we’ve had, and I remembered why I loved you so much. I loved the way you smiled the very first time I met you, As wide as the smiley face drawing that I drew on your hand. I loved the way your hand fit with mine, Even in your coat pocket that I claimed as my spot. I loved the way you brushed my hair behind my ear Just because you thought I looked more beautiful that way. I loved the way you made me feel about myself, Even though I didn’t think I was beautiful. I loved the way you called me, love, I almost forgot you did. There’s so much more I could write about, but that would pull me deeper into the lowest point there is. Now all of that is gone, and I’m still stuck. It would’ve been 3 years and 4 months tomorrow. I don’t know why I’m still keeping track. I don’t want memories to be the ruin of me, But I just don’t know where or how I should start. I’m so thankful for you for everything that you taught me and made me feel. I still love you, but I need to move on to become the better person you want me to be. I need to let go.