#pastscars

[selfvervulling-blog]

"I should be happy to feel but somehow my body and my mind and my soul interpret it as an infiltration, a breach in my system..." I don't like that.

[altiorapeto]

Y'all are friends right? May as know some more about me i suppose.

So, here is the beginning of a story. Some parts are short, some are long. It is certainly not complete, regardless of how detailed I can make it. I don't know why you get the story, but you do. Not many people do. 

I was born in Boston, and then spent ages 3 through 9 in the Seattle area. That doesn't matter. When I was nine and a half my family moved to thailand. We moved to a town called Rayong, a city an hour away from the nearest expat area. --BTW there may be terms that you need to look up, a simple google search should suffice-- First six months I was there, I was homeschooled. But that was too rough for my mom to handle. You see, I need people to keep me going. 

I have one single struggle. That's a lie. I have many struggles. But, they are generally insignificant next to this one. My one real struggle is people. I love them, I need them. I fear being left, neglected and alone. From that fear springs most of the struggle in my life. Unfortunately, my fears are not unfounded. It would be one thing to have a fear which had no basis. unfortunately, small things to test my fear of people not wanting to talk, such as seeing how long it take before I get a text or message from someone without my engaging first, turn out poorly. I measure that span in weeks rather than hours or minutes. There are good reasons for it. I have spent, on average, two years in the same place continuously in my life. That leads to fantastic, but short, friendships. So, you see my dilema. I am never somewhere for long enough to make many close friends, and yet I need people to keep me going over time. I go a bit mad after more than 3 and a half day on my own. How do I know that? try spending a thanksgiving break alone in ormston and you'll find your breaking point too. hahahaha. 

When my mom booted me from homeschooling, I started going to a British international school called Garden. It was a good school overall. Gave me a very solid base from which to continue schooling. However, as the only american there, as the US was invading countries left and right, I was the subject of ire from students and teachers alike. I had no idea why people didn't like me. Being independent and, well, me, I just turned people not wanting to play with me at recess into time to read alone. It took about two years before people forgot I was american, and just thought of me as a class mate. It was good when that time had passed. Spent some time in the states then went back overseas, back to Rayong. I'm quite a resiliant person I think. Even as I had left home for a foreign field, even as I prayed at the beginning of every term that a new friend would arrive for me, I wasn't really hurting. As I look back, I see who I became out of that struggle. It was a good time, once I wasn't american any more. I was alright at school and home was good. Got into playing computer games a lot because everyone I knew at school lived too far away to even think of going to their house. And then we moved.

And that's where I'll leave this installment of my life. Feel free to ask questions. I'll write the next bit when I feel like it.

[pastscars]

  "Sinto você me chupando, seu gemido me enlouquece. Procuro o teu corpo e não acho. Acendo a luz. Agora te pego pernilongo desgraçado!"

pastscars

[pastscars]

Desafio - Cartas 2 - Carta para a tua melhor amiga ou teu melhor amigo

                                           Amiga...       

    Só quero dizer o quanto você e especial para mim, mesmo com esta distância nunca nós separamos, eu queria poder voltar no passado e viver todas as àquelas loucuras que fizemos, queria poder ir uma na casa da outra para fazer uma festa de pijama, queria poder ir no shopping fazer aquelas brincadeiras loucas que fazíamos, queria poder te abraçar e contar tantas loucuras, queria assistir aquele filme de terror, queria que você estivesse aqui comigo, por que você é e sempre será a minha melhor amiga...

Para você amiga.

(pastscars)

[pastscars]

Desafio - Cartas 1 - Carta para a tua paixão

                                           Minha paixão 

Não te conhecia direito mais pude notar nos seus olhos o que era paixão.  Foi preciso apenas um gesto de bravura sua para eu me apaixonar,  Mesmo que nunca olhe para mim, eu estarei lá de ajudando quando precisar.  Depois de tanto tempo nos reencontramos, e pude despertar aquilo que para mim já era desconhecido, aquela paixão ardente que nos seus olhos se torna fria, seu cabelo prefeito, seu rosto, tudo estava gravado na minha mente a partir daquele momento, mais algo estava deferente algo nos seus olhos estava-me chamando atenção, aquele sorriso inesperado e desconhecido que pude reparar que era um olhar apaixonado, depois deste momento não tive coragem de dizer nem uma si quer palavra, eu estava perdida entre seus olhos profundos. Eu queria-me declarar a você, mais não pude simplesmente olhar nos seus olhos e dizer " Te amo " eu sabia que estaria correndo um risco que valia a pena correr, mais mesmo assim decidir escrever esta carta, declarando meu amor por você, mesmo que não se importe com esta carta, eu quero que saiba que te amo.

De sua amada. 

(pastscars)