#pastwriting

[severelysaltyme-blog]

Past

Writing

[glittering-git]

The Monster

It hurts, this knowledge. It brings me to the edge of the cliff and then pushes me over with a puff of breath. My tears stream down my face in twin rivulets; I don’t want to be a monster. I’m not a monster. I’m a nice person. I care about people. I try so damn hard and don’t get anything in return. I put my heart, soul, and mind out there, and no one gives a fuck. Not one single fuck was given. And maybe that’s the start of the monster coming out, consuming me, making me angry, controlling me. But I don’t want to be controlled. I don’t want to be a terrible person. I’m not. But my actions speak otherwise; they are filled with hatred and meanness.

And today, again. Showing me who I really am, a side that I didn’t think existed, but that actually is what I am. Who I am. A person with a heart as black as midnight, with a raging monster in control. Saying things that I didn’t think I could say, hurting people with impunity, especially those who matter most in life.

Words.

Spoken in pain.

Pointed like a  spear.

Headed straight for the heart.

Ripping.

Tearing.

Shredding.