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Confession
I rush myself all the time. Turns out I am almost entirely devoid of patience. It makes me insanely frustrated. But I'm trying to be more and more mindful all the time. Admit my faults to remove their power over me. They are things that just happen to be true in this moment and if I don't like it, only I can change it. And being aware of it is the only way to start.
she's catching the wind... the gentlest of breezes. it's a sensitive passage she's sailing - through stormy straits, navigates my unfathomable failings.
Unfit for Human Interaction, Pride Edition.
list·less /ˈlis(t)ləs/ adjective (of a person or their manner) lacking energy or enthusiasm.
I've never been one for convention, yet I always find myself trying to appease others... The result: anger, depression, loss of identity and direction. I has sad. I has struggle. But I also has no one to talk to about it.... as my old life doesn't fit me anymore and I am stuck not knowing which way to step. Now is the scariest but most powerful time.... All roads are possible.... But apprehension and fear of making mistakes has me sitting on the precipice..... I dunno. I just needed to get that out of me so I don't cry over it today. [Original photograph by Kenneth Locke; Digital edit by Me (MegaDith Lo-Fi)]
Some days I feel incredibly lonely. Others I couldn't be more glad to have my space. There is a sadness that will always linger around this idea, as I genuinely do hold so much love for others, but also a great sense of relief as I have suffered under both the attention and disregard of others. I feel like it's important to acknowledge this within myself, as there are times I worry so much about maintaining friendships with people who have shown no interest in return. Why suffer and waste the energy when these people don't (or won't) care? We all go through so much in life. I am not placing my struggles into any sort of hierarchy. Just putting them "out there" so they don't have as much power over my thoughts and emotions, so they cannot take from me but teach me what I need to know of myself. I'd rather have my strength than be with people for the sake of obligatory socialization. At the end of the day, it's okay to be lonely. But if I remember this moment, when I do reach out, it will be with purpose and towards someone/something meaningful.
