Can I write my synthesis paper on my typewriter? It's a thousand times better than this piece of shit laptop. The suns shining like it's seven minutes from exploding yet my hard drives keeps on freezing. And I would start my annotated bibliographies right now but the only way I'm able to get shit done is when I write for myself first. I like making up excuses as to why I procrastinate so much but really my attention span is just the equivalent of a five year old kid in a department store. I remember when I was little my mom would take me to eight o'clock mass on Sunday mornings, and we'd sit in the back of this huge church supported with marble pillars from ceiling to floor. I'd bring my cassette player and listen to Madonna, trying to scope her out in the pews just in case she'd ever interrupt the days scripture and break out into song when Like A Prayer came on. I never once listened to the Priest, who's voice echoed through the speakers on the walls because the church was too big for his prayers to be heard past the static of crying infants and hacking coughs. Maybe if I tried focusing on the important things in life everything else would fall into place. I've wasted almost three hours now doing nothing of the sort, and I'll waste another three continuing to accomplish nothing but the slow, reoccurring realization that our lives are structured around expectations. The pile of clothes in the corner of my room don't need to be touched. My father just called me down for lunch but it can wait five minutes (I'm sure my pb&j will excuse my lateness.) And I'm not sorry for whatever reason it is you choose to be mad at me for, so fuck an apology. It's too beautiful outside to be sitting on my bed chained to a Google document for hours on end that my teachers not even going to read. I sometimes wish I could just hop on the next train just to see how far I could get until fear overcomes me and I get off. I never wanted to be a sheltered person because I thought being sheltered meant you were narrow minded. Now I understand how narrow minded that was for me to think that. The more I type the more I think and the more I think the more time I waste doing nothing significant. I'm like Amory Blaine, I'm always in my head and very seldom in the present, but my life isn't written by the profound Fitzgerald, unfortunately. Maybe if I had listened in church I could have been a greater version of myself today, but what's the use in being great when the sun's going to explode anyway? I'd be lying if I said I knew what I was doing, but by the time I figure it out I'll be raising a glass with God.
knm
