Jade Dagger AU
warning for mentions of eye gore and death.
Luke is a robin hood style thief with morals and Jeff is a prince completely oblivious to the fact his kingdom is starving and general doing terribly. Royalty like Jeff have magic that manifests itself as basically one (1) specific superpower-like thing. The magic only manifests after one extremely emotional event. Jeff does not his. Jimmy does not have his. Ian received his after his brother was kidnapped and presumed dead, though I have no idea what it is.
Luke goes incognito to a ball so he can steal shit. He and the prince talk for like 20 minutes and Luke gets to look forward to A King Who Doesn't Suck And Make Morally Compromised Decisions
Luke goes off to steal shit from monarchs who don't act in the best interest of the people and overhears some people, who aren't very thought out planning to kill the prince for having morals. So he's like, cool, guess I'm kidnapping the prince now and shoves some more jewelry down his shirt
He slides over to Jeff and is like, hey gorgeous, you have beautiful eyes and also there's a plot against your life and I'm an undercover knight who needs you to get the heck out of here right now
Jeff's logical rodent brain is like "wait, is he really?" but the gay human brain is like "hnnngh boy pretty" and is very enthusiastic about riding out of the castle on a horse with him
Halfway to the forest where them thieves hang out when some knights show up. Turns out they noticed the definitely not knight sweeping him off to who knows where. A few thieves show up and help Luke beat their asses.
Jeff's like. Hey, wait they just. Fucking murdered like a dozen knights. And Luke's like yeah, I just needed to get you out of there. There is an attempt on your life tho. And Jeff is logical enough to know that he was technically just kidnapped and that's probably bullshit
Jeff's like lol im out but the thieves are like lol nope we have knives and rope!
Luke laughs at the rhyme as his bros yeet Jeff into their horse-drawn wagon and covers him with hay. And then like... idk they sit on him to keep him still
Jeff wakes up at the den of thieves to overhear Luke telling his co-leader about why the hell he kidnapped a prince
Said co-leader, Mai, shows up and makes him drink water. And then he falls back asleep. When he wakes up he gets introduced to some of the thieves before Luke shows back up, bringing food. He's like, "Oh you met my pals! Have you realized you live in a country where the thieves have better morals than monarchs yet????" and Jeff just glares at him
Eventually, Luke gets frustrated and shows him "Hey look, literally everyone is starving and dying and the food we distribute with money from stolen goods is literally keeping everyone alive" And Jeff's like "Damn that shit sucks... I'll just fix it when I become king! :D" and Luke's like "BITCH NO" except he can’t say bitch. he is not snatcher luke he cannot say bitch
Jeff "Just found out my entire country is starving, damn that shit sucks" Fabre
Luke convinces him to help them raid a few manors and Jeff is really good at it. Also, he kissed Luke. So that's cool. They celebrate shoving jewelry down their shirts for a few hours with a party and he wakes up cuddling with his new bf
This continues on for almost a year when Luke's like hey wouldn't it be super funky neat if we got married and Jeff's like yeah bitch. Also, Jeff still thinks there was no plot on his life and that he could fix it if he went back so there's that. Mai rescues a maid and a golem and starts flirting with them.
He and Luke are happily engaged for a while until some knights show up like. Hamster bastard we know you're here if you come back with us we won't kill your fiance. So Jeff's like well fuck then and goes back with them. Also one of them is like. A relative involves in the murder plot. So he's gonna get stabbed.
Well, after that Jeff nearly get's stabbed but Mai happens to be in the area
They run off and Mai's like "Hey bitch rescued yo future husband" and Luke runs over from where he was crying and gives him near-death situation cuddles
Jeff accepts that most of the royal family is after his life and he and luke decide that quietly undermining the royal family is a good idea.
and by quietly I mean murder.
Luke and his gang break into the castle to scout but Jeff sneaks in to see his brothers (Jimmy and Ian) and accidentally wakes Jimmy up. He walks calmly over to Ian. Wakes Ian up. And points at his presumed dead brother.
So they very quietly scream at each other before Luke walks in and is like "Hey sweetheart the gang's ready to-" and is rudely interrupted by Ian stabbing him in the eye. Luke's the guy he was last seen with so Ian's p sure that's the kidnapper.
Jeff's like DUDE WTF YOU JUST STABBED MY FIANCE IN THE EYE and Ians like yeah what about it he kidnapped you-WAIT YOUR FIANCE
Jeff explains what happened in very few words before stealing his brothers.
Austin takes one look at Ian and goes
They run off in the night to the woods
night in the woods
and Jeff bandages Luke who walks off a life-changing injury. And by that I mean they cuddle because it hurts real bad and then the next day he acts as if nothing happened.
I don't know what happens from here but I know it's not as simple as overthrow the government with some difficulty? I want other things to happen.
Please send asks