Series Premiere - "Smoke & Mirrors (A Davenport & Griffin Adventure)!
Series Premiere - "Smoke & Mirrors (A Davenport & Griffin Adventure)! The steampunk audio drama series features @zsakuva, @fernva , Pebble, @goodboyaudios and Ardent Melody. Character and series logo artwork by @palilious. The first episode is available now on YouTube, and a podcast version is coming soon!
Part Four: If I was the Lawyer for VA ASMR characters
Notes: At this point I’m not running out of characters LOLLLL—oh, and Scythe, thank you kindly for putting V’s crimes in a neat little list. Real helpful! I’m of the belief that most of Scythe’s characters are going to make an appearance in this series at some point.
Me: *sigh* It cannot get any worse, can it? 😃
Client 1: V (Villain Series - Scythe Audio)
Me: FUCKING WHY—😃💀
[WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK]
Me: Fucks sake I’m not even getting paid—this is a series—and I’m breaking the fourth wall now, isn’t that nice?
Me: Right, Mr. V, you officially have the longest file in my office—well actually that’s Wanderer—and I really hope you never meet. And I’m honestly shocked you finally got caught after all this time—
Me: So kidnapping, arson, blowing up a public building—several actually—civilian damage, murder—first, second and third degree—abandonment, destruction of public property, destruction of personal property, thievery, excessive vulgarity and villainy.
Me: *slams file shut* I cannot fucking help you—yeah no matter what happens to you, you’ll just kill everyone there. *sigh*
Client 2: Escaped/Walter (Against The World - Escaped Audios)
Me: My brother in ASMR, you were in my fucking office yesterday.
Me: I told you that you were screwed, royally—what do you mean you can fix things?
Me: Low security prison—that’s still prison, why would you—oh, I see. Yeah no, legally I can’t tell you or persuade you to break out, but I can get you that.
Me: Fucking hell, you and V would get along like a house on fire—and considering the arson he’s done that’s pretty literal.
Client 3: Robert Volker (Steamhearts - Shining Armor ASMR)
Me: Okay Mr. Volker, the case against you doesnt look too bad. What I’m really concerned about is the several counts of possession illegal explosives and arson, and necromancy—which I’m not really going to get into how illegal that is—and yes I’m aware that you are a scientist—but that doesn’t erase the charges—
Me: What do you mean they murdered your wife?
Client 4: Nem (Cafe Regale - Mage Bunkshelf)
Me: Right Mx. Nem, you haven’t really done too much wrong—not as much as some of my uh—other clients. Only issue you have is that you do not have a legal birth certificate or legal ID, and no record of you being a legal UK citizen.
Me: This much, we can fix, however it’s generally seen as strange when a fallen angel appears out of no where—and before you ask, yes, I do know. You wouldn’t be the first supernatural person in this office.
[BACK TO CLIENT 3]
Me: Well we have quite the compelling legal case now, Mr. Volker, since murder is—well—incredibly illegal and that is assassination and also the use of child soldiers.
Me: Why am I smiling? Why, Mr. Volker, they’re about to face the wrath of legal hellfire.
Client 5: Vampire Lord/Baron Reeve? (Vampire Lord Buys You - PebblesASMR)
Me: Right, okay Mr. Fifty Shades of Illegal, you are currently on trial and being sued for human trafficking, assault and battery, kidnapping and clinical vampirism—and that’s a little weird but that’s not the topic—which is more commonly referred to as Renfield’s Syndrome.
Me: Alright poor man’s mosquito, I get it, you need blood to survive but that does not warrant human trafficking—and that person did not deserve to be your ‘pet’ as you call them, you bovine feeder.
Me: *sigh* I need a vacation—preferably with sunshine.
Client 6: The Atrocity (The Atrocity - Scythe Audios)
Me: *sigh* One more until I get to leave😌—who is the final—💀
Me: . . .
Me: . . .
Me: OH FUCK NO—
[WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK]
Me: Right, so I’m reading your crimes and all I have to say is: you are never getting out of jail—or prison in your case—I’m going to be surprised if you don’t get the death penalty—
Me: Okay so: murder, murder, and more murder, destruction of government and personal property, assault and battery, resisting arrest, more murder—
Me: Oh no I’m not representing you, I’m on prosecution this time—I’m just reading your crimes. You murdered children. You are going to need one hell of a fucking lawyer, and it ain’t me.
AU where Roxy and Merlin survive the Golden Circle
Summary: It's been some time since the incident at Poppy Land, but the Kingsmen are still understaffed, so the Statesmen send their personal tech wiz, Agent Vodka, out to lend the knights at the round table a helping hand.
Author's note: this whole thing is inspired by several other Merlin fics that I really liked, as well as being heavily inspired by this video from PebblesASMR. It's a good listen, so I suggest you check it out!
Word count: 3.3k+
Alias: Agent Vodka
Age: 25
Skills: Hacking and technology
Alliance: Statesmen
~~~
Y/N was a… troubled child, to say the least. She grew up in the suburbs, usually getting into more trouble than her grades would reflect. Fights, stealing, and a slew of other infractions dirtied her reputation in her teen years, so much so that she was sent to military school by her father. There, she learned combat, how to use her hacking skills for good, and a fair bit of manners.
At the age of 20, she had found herself back in trouble, that was, hacking the local school district’s database; taking money from teenagers who needed their grades raised or just needed their files cleaned up. One day while doing her normal hacking routine, she stumbled onto the payroll side of the servers, noticing how one of the superintendents was getting way more money than they should have been. A little more digging found that funds intended for renovations were being funneled straight into the bank account of this superintendent. So, a few screenshots were taken and sent off to the local government, anonymously of course, and within the next week, said superintendent was released from their duties.
It then only took a few days after for Y/N to have a knock on her door. A well dressed woman stood on Y/N’s front porch, much too small to be a detective. She introduced herself as Agent Whisky, stating that her organization had taken note of her recent activities, and that Y/N’s skills could be useful to them. Y/N was skeptical at first, seeing as a random woman was wanting to take her away to an undisclosed location, but after a few hours of talking Y/N decided to trust Whisky.
That was about 5 years ago. Now working with the Statesmen, Y/N goes by the code name Agent Vodka, but she is usually called ‘Vod’ by her teammates. Y/N had gone on several missions, but was soon put into the position of ‘Tech Wiz’, as the team liked to call it; hacking into databases, conducting remote surveillance, and just conducting general tech needs for the Statesmen.
One day, while doing some maintenance work on some of the tech for an upcoming mission, Champ, the Statesmen’s leader, entered the lab.
“We need to ship you off to London.” Champ said, in this thick country accent.
“I’m sorry?” Y/N said, needing more information on this sudden task.
“Our brother organization, the Kingsmen, are still having problems getting their numbers back up after the Poppy incident.” Champ said as he slowly walked across the room, “We need to send you over to them to help out with a mission they are currently on, and considering your skill sets, you're the best candidate for the job.”
Y/N let out a long sigh as she leaned back in her chair. “When does the jet take off?”
“0600 tomorrow morning. I suggest you pack a raincoat, I hear it gets mighty wet this time of year.” Champ says with a smile as he leaves the lab, leaving Y/N to take in the sudden task presented to her.
~~~
As the jet lands in the hidden docks, Y/N collects her belongings, making her way to the door and down the stairs. She is greeted by 3 men and a woman, along with her teammate, Tequila.
“Welcome, Agent Vodka. I am Agent Merlin, this is Agent Galahad, Agent Lancelot, and… also Agent Galahad.” the tallest man said, he was clean shaven, even his scalp. Merlin had gestured to each of the agents as he went through their names.
“You can just call me Harry,” said the second Galahad. Smiling as he stuck his hand out for a handshake. Y/N smiled and shook his hand before turning to Tequila, “Long time, no see, huh, Tequila?”
Tequila smiled, having traded in his old cowboy hat for a bowler hat. “It’s been a minute hasn’t it, Vod?” After Agent Galahad introduced himself, telling Y/N to call him Eggsy, as well as Agent Lancelot, who told her to call her Roxy, the group moved into the main building, the mansion known as Kingsmen HQ.
Tequila gave Y/N a tour, showing her all the facilities and where she would be staying. After putting her stuff in her room, everyone was called into the briefing room.
Harry began the meeting by recapping on what they already know: They were following Raymond Gavara, a man who sought to overload the World Wide Web and telecoms in order to fry all technology so he could rebuild the tech industry on his own databases and to reset the world’s financial institute structure. Basically, he wanted to bring the world back to a cash only society and make everyone buy his computers and phones to rake in billions.
Harry then gave the floor to Merlin, who then showed everyone Gavara’s pictures and what they knew about him. Tequila, Eggsy, and Roxy were all given tasks and sent out, meanwhile Y/N was brought into the Kingsmen’s tech lab, where she was shown where she would be working from and what the team needed from her.
~~~
Several months had passed and the progress on the mission was moving slowly. Every time Merlin and Y/N would get a lead in tracking or hacking into Gavara’s database, they were almost instantly blocked. Firewall after firewall, cypher after cypher, it was just one thing after another and they could only do so much decoding with the information they had.
However, that didn’t mean there wasn’t any down time. With three trouble makers in the same place, Y/N, Eggsy, and Tequila got into a lot of mischief. It started just as a small joke, that Merlin was strung so tight that he probably did not have the ability to laugh. So Y/N went to work, setting little pranks up, trying to get the stoic Merlin to even just crack a smile. It started small, like making faces during meetings with him, then it was the traps placed at his desk, like glitter bombs or spring snakes. Even just trying to make dumb jokes while they both typed away in the tech lab, but nothing seemed to work.
One day, while Y/N was trying to crack the code on one of Gavara’s firewalls, the team was called into the debriefing room.
“So, we have a bit of a lead on someone who may be in contact with Gavara. Thomas Write, a professor of economics at the University of Cambridge, has been seen making a few too many ‘coincidental’ bump-ins with known associates of Gavara.” Harry said as he looked at everyone at the table, “While it's not much to go off of, we still need Mr. Write to be tracked and watched for the next couple days. Seeing as Merlin and Vodka haven’t made much progress on getting through Gavara’s database, we will need to go all in on a physical approach to destroying his servers. Eggsy and Tequila, you are to go to the warehouse that stores the servers in Switzerland. Merlin, you will go and keep an eye on Write, make sure he is not involved in Gavara’s plans. As for Roxy and Vodka, you two will stay here.”
Everyone nodded in agreement with Harry’s plan, getting up and leaving the room to prepare for the mission. However, Merlin stayed in the room, looking dissatisfied as everyone left.
As everyone else cleared out, Y/N stood outside the door, listening to the two men talk.
“Are you serious Harry? A surveillance mission on someone who most likely isn’t even involved?” Y/N recognized the Scottish accent as Merlin’s.
“It’s just a precaution, Merlin. We don't want another incident like with Professor Arnold. You’ll be put up in a hotel across the street from Write’s condo.” Harry said, trying to ease the angry Scott.
“Well then why don't you send that insufferable Agent Vodka then? All she does is distract me from my work here at HQ.” Merlin nearly barked back. Y/N was a little hurt by his words, ‘Am I really that bad?’ she thought to herself, ‘a little annoying, sure, but insufferable?’
Just as Y/N was about to walk away, she heard Harry call for her through the door.
‘Shit,’ she thought as she pushed the door open to look at the two men waiting in the room.
“Since you seem so concerned about Merlin’s mission that you felt the need to listen in on our conversation, you will be joining Merlin on the surveillance of Thomas Write.” Harry said, causing Merlin to look at him, wide eyes, a hint of anger clear on his face.
“Harry, you can’t be-” Merlin began, but was quickly cut off by Harry.
“Didn’t you just say that Agent Vodka should be on this task as well?” Harry raised an eyebrow toward Merlin, a silent dare to question his authority.
“Yes, sir.” Merlin said, admitting defeat, but still with a tinge of anger in his voice.
“Then it's settled, both of you get packed. You have an hour before you leave and I'll have your alias’ in the car.” Harry said before Merlin stomped off out of the room. Y/N nodded and quickly left, rushing to her room to pack some clothes as well as her mobile units.
The car ride to the hotel was awkward. Not only was it obvious that Merlin didn’t like Y/N, but their alias was that of a married couple. Because of course it was. The Hotel was also nothing to write home about, a small dingy room with a twin bed and a small bathroom. The only reason Y/N could tell that this room was selected for the stakeout was the large window that faced Thomas Write’s condo, giving a perfect view of his living room as well as the entrance to the condo building.
As soon as Merlin and Y/N entered the room, they began setting up. Y/N got onto her mobile unit and found Write’s wifi network, remotely installing bugging software on all his devices and gaining access to his security cameras. Merlin went out and quickly placed a GPS tracker on Write’s car before returning to the hotel room. As Merlin entered the room Y/N waves her hands in front of the computer screens, acting as if she was an assistant presenting a product on the sales channel. Merlin just sighs and moves past Y/N, taking the chair that she was previously sitting in and begins montering Write through the cameras.
~~~
It was the third day of the stakeout and Merlin hadn’t taken his eyes off of the screens. Y/N was mostly on food duty, dipping out of the hotel to grab take out and coffee. This was supposed to be a team effort, but it seemed that every time Y/N took over surveillance so that Merlin could rest, he always pushed her out of the way and took back over.
It was starting to become another long night. Y/N had just grabbed some takeout and was entering the hotel room, only to see Merlin still watching Write do… nothing still.
“About time you got back, I sent you out hours ago, what took so long?” Merlin said, impatiently.
“There was a really long line at the Chinese restaurant and they make everything on the spot so-” but before Y/N could finish, Merlin interrupted her, “Oh, whatever. Just bring my food over here so I can eat and do surveillance.” Y/N takes Merlin’s takeout box out of the bag and places it on the desk next to Merlin, along with a fork. Immediately Merlin begins digging into his food, a stark contrast from his usually well put together demeanor.
With food still in his mouth he clears his throat before speaking, “You know what I don’t understand? Is why you agreed with Harry to come here with me, or why he wanted to put you on this task in the first place. This isn’t even anything difficult or special, just monitoring for the sake of making sure all of our bases are covered. And what I also don't understand is why you insist on making my life a living hell through all of this. I’m doing all the heavy lifting for this task, and yet you still find ways to get in the way or just cause inconveniences for me.” As Merlin speaks, he doesn’t look away from the screens, still watching as Write fiddles about his study.
“Hey, I'm doing my best here. And it's not like I’m not doing anything, I've been bringing you food and trying to help, but you just keep pushing me aside to do it yourself!” Y/N counters back, causing Merlin to swive in his chair to face her.
“Don’t give me that. I have to take over all the tasks because you either do it wrong or take too long to do it. Just the other day, you said you were going to go check out some shady individuals that were mucking around at the condo’s entrance, only to go off and get yourself coffee, AND you didn’t even bring me back any!”
“I told you, I didn’t know what you would even want, it's one of those fancy places that does mostly iced coffee. Besides, I brought back donuts.”
“Yea, but the donuts were for you. There were like 6 and you ate 4 of them before I could even get a chance to see what you brought.” Merlin was now staring daggers at Y/N through his nearly bloodshot eyes, red from hours of staring at the screens.
Y/N looked at Merlin with a look of disbelief, coupled with a tinge of anger and annoyance.
“Well, besides the point, all you do is sit here and distract me. I would have gotten by on this mission by myself just fine and still gotten more work done, and I'm not even talking about just this task, the whole mission. You know I was excited to work with you when the Statesmen first sent you over. I thought ‘maybe this won't be so bad. Maybe I'll finally get to work with someone who is competent and-and will be able to actually help me get all this work done.’ but no, I got you, the insufferable yank that likes to spend her time harassing me and annoying me at every waking second.”
“Harass and annoy you? Look, I was just trying to have fun, to give you a distraction, a mental break from work, ok?” Y/N says, now almost laughing with annoyance at the way Merlin perceives her.
“For fun?” Merlin gives a half mocking and half sleep deprived laugh, “Why? It’s obvious to me, and everyone else at HQ, that you hate me. And you know what? The feeling is mutual.” Merlin then turns back to the screens, seeing that Write hasn’t moved from his previous place in his condo.
The room is silent. As Merlin turns around again, he see’s Y/N with an almost pout on her face.
“Oh what? Why are you making that face?” He says, annoyance present in his Scottish accent.
“You hate me?” she says.
“What? Is it not clear that we have this hate-hate relationship?” Merlin says in almost disbelief.
Y/N stays silent for a second before speaking again, “I don’t hate you.”
“Then why? Then why do you insist on doing all your little pranks, hm?” Merlin crosses his arms, waiting for a response.
“Because I want you to have fun. I want you to relax a little. You're always so serious and tense. I get that, because of our line of work, you have to be, but you should be able to stop and laugh some times.” Y/n says, taking a few steps closer to Merlin now.
“Well, I-I can be plenty of fun actually!” a slight blush creeps up on Merlin’s face, taken aback by Y/N’s reasoning. “I can have plenty of fun. Just ask Eggsy or Harry, they’ll tell you, that… I’m, uh… fun” Merlin’s words fall off, realizing that he may have been a bit too harsh on her, with his lack of sleep causing him to act too brash.
“Well… if you don't do it because you hate me.. Then… why? Why do you want me to have fun?” Merlin looks down, not making eye contact with Y/N.
“Well…” Y/N takes another step towards Merlin before she is standing directly in front of him, her knees nearly touching his. “Maybe it'll be easier if I just showed you.”
“Show me what-” Merlin is cut off by Y/N grabbing him by his sweater, pulling him closer so she can plant her lips on his. Merlin is shocked at the sudden kiss, unmoving for a moment before relaxing and closing his eyes, kissing her back. His hands instinctively going up to rest on her waist, pulling her closer. The kiss becomes heated with both their lips dancing together.
Just then Merlin comes to his senses, pulling back, “Wait! Wait, wait, wait.” Merlin catches his breath and adjusts his glasses. “What was… that?”
Y/N, still high on her own confidence, looks right at Merlin with an unreadable expression, “A kiss.”
“Well, yea I know that. B-but what I mean is why… Did you kiss me?” Merlin says as he is still breathing heavily. Y/N lets out a sigh as she stands up straight, “Jesus, Merlin.” she begins.
“No, I know, but I mean we can’t be… we’re working together now and we just… the regulations and-and the stakeout, and I thought you hated me and now… this.” Merlin gestures his hands around, alluding to what just happened.
“Damnit, Merlin. Is it so hard to think that I do what I do to you because I like you? That I’ve been staying up to ungodly hours here with you because I want to keep you company? If I hated you, then I would have told Harry to shove it and gone back to the Statesmen. I stay because…” Just as Y/N get to the last couple of thoughts that are running through her mind, she feels the words stick to her tongue, “Because I think I love you.”
This time Merlin is the one to jump to his feet, wrapping one arm around Y/N’s waist and the other grabs the back of her head, pulling her into a deep kiss. And this time it’s Y/N’s turn to be surprised before returning the kiss, their lips moving together. Merlin runs his tongue along Y/N’s bottom lip, testing the waters.
Y/N pulls back slightly, looking up at Merlin. “What about the regulations?” She says with a slight smirk on her face.
Merlin returns the smirk, “I lied, there are no regulations.” The two rejoin, Y/N hand cupping the back of Merlin’s head as the other rests on his chest, gripping at the fabric of his sweater.
Just as Merlin begins to walk Y/N back towards the bed in the room, he gets a call on his glasses, quickly pulling away and answering.
“Yes? Mm. mhm. I see. Good work Eggsy. Yes, see you soon.” He says before tapping the side to end the call.
“What was it, Merlin?” Y/N asks.
“Eggsy. He says they’ve completed the mission and that Gavara has been neutralized. We’re free to wrap up here.”
Y/N looks down, about to step away from Merlin before he pulls her back, his arm still around her waist.
“He also says that next time I decide to engage in… extracurricular activities, I should make sure to disable my video calls.” Merlin double taps the side of his glasses before taking them off and placing them on the desk. “ And please, call me ‘Hamish’.” Merlin then leans down and takes Y/N’s mouth again before continuing with the actions he had already set in motion.
Watching this 2-hour audio drama LIVE was a cinematic experience! I have no words to express how I feel after that. I'm still in shock over it! The characters, the worldbuilding, the story, the ACTING?! Nora, JouskaByNight, Tim Winters (timandhisvoices), strawberrymilkva, @ambiguousasmr, & Pebblesasmr gave it their ALL in those performances from beginning to end! Each character helps elevate the story (ESPECIALLY Lazarus)! My emotions have been flung all over the place & it was ABSOLUTE CINEMA!!! Guys, please watch Monster!😍
