At the bottom of night

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At the bottom of night
“He who overcomes, will be dressed in white, and I will not take his name from the book of life, and I will give witness to his name before my father and before his angels” is from Revelations 3:5 and is quoted on the back of an Evangelion VHS tape, hence the necessity of having my nails painted white on the day of the bar removal.
When Dr. Chen came to visit me afterward, I asked with hesitation, “When people get their bar removed, do they usually still feel it?” I don’t remember his response; I remember the nurse who was with us immediately spring into action to close the curtains around us as soon as I started crying.
This bar is much bigger
I've determined that the best tactic to gain followers is to go topless
I complained about it often. It made my chest feel heavy, tight, and uncomfortable. It was painful and hard to breathe; I felt so fragile. When it was removed and they could see it, my friends made fun of me for it being so small. I laughed along with them, but a part of me wonders if this was somehow secretly enraging, sending me on a path toward madness.