#peoplepleasing

[birdhism]

[glowettee]

emily fields and the myth of the "nice girl" + complete bundle

  🕯️🕯️🕯️

it’s always the quiet ones.

emily fields was never the loudest in the room, she didn’t need to be. she was the one who knew exactly how to blend in while everyone around her self-destructed in plain sight. she moved like water, flowed around conflict, let people project what they wanted onto her. she kept secrets. she held space. she smiled when it hurt. and no one really asked how heavy it all was.

✧ the ‘nice girl’ isn’t always nice, she’s just scared

let’s start here: performative softness is not kindness, it’s self-preservation. most of us didn’t become the nice girl because it’s who we really are. we became her because we had to.

maybe you were parentified. maybe you were the middle child. maybe your household was high-stakes, and keeping the peace felt like the only way to stay safe. maybe you learned early on that if you were polite, agreeable, and helpful, you wouldn’t be left out or punished or abandoned. you were never rewarded for speaking up, so you stopped.

emily’s storyline is full of moments like that. remember how many times she was guilted into loyalty? how many secrets she kept for other people’s comfort? how her own desires got buried under what other people needed her to be?

girlhood teaches us to be mirrors for everyone else. but being a mirror means no one really sees you.

✧ how to stop shrinking: the nice girl detox plan

okay, soft girl. here’s how we deprogram the performance:

🕯️ 1. audit your people-pleasing patterns

go through your day and ask: how many of my choices are made out of obligation? → did i say yes because i meant it or because i didn’t want to upset someone? → did i compliment them because i meant it or because i felt awkward? → did i shrink myself so they could shine?

you can’t change a pattern you don’t recognize. naming it is step one.

🕯️ 2. start disappointing people on purpose

this sounds dramatic, but it’s necessary. begin small. cancel plans. say no. don’t explain. don’t cushion. practice letting people be a little upset.

you don’t owe anyone a version of yourself that’s emotionally exhausting to maintain. the real ones will adjust. the fake ones will fade. both outcomes are gifts.

🕯️ 3. reclaim your anger

emily had quiet rage. and so do you. it’s time to honor it. being “nice” for too long makes you numb, and numb girls don’t glow. you need to feel the anger. write it out. scream into your pillow. lift heavy weights. listen to music that makes you feel like the main villain. anger isn’t evil, it’s clarity.

→ rage reminds you of what you deserve.

🕯️ 4. romanticize boundaries

make them beautiful. → “i don’t do last-minute favors.” → “i’m not available for gossip.” → “i’m prioritizing myself this weekend.” boundaries aren’t walls. they’re doors you control. if you’ve been too nice, boundaries will feel mean at first. they’re not. they’re just new.

✧ softness doesn’t mean self-sacrifice

emily’s biggest heartbreaks came when she gave too much to people who didn’t give back. sound familiar?

we’ve glamorized being the selfless girl, the empathetic one, the ride or die. but when you’re always the one giving, comforting, understanding, you disappear.

the “nice girl” is often lonely. exhausted. craving someone to finally ask how she’s doing. if this is you, know that your softness is sacred... but it needs protection. being kind shouldn’t cost you your peace.

✧ the new softness

instead of being nice, be mysterious. instead of being sweet, be selective. instead of saying yes, say “i’ll think about it.”

you don’t need to explain yourself.

🕯️ glowettee’s new girl code: → soft girls are allowed to be strategic → kind girls are allowed to be assertive → helpful girls are allowed to stop helping → good girls are allowed to get angry

✧ your new routine

create a lifestyle that supports your unlearning, these are things i actually do as a certified-ex-people-pleaser:

🗝️ morning rituals: → tarot pulls + emotional check-ins (if you don't believe in tarot, try affirmation cards <3) → voice memo journaling: “what am i holding back today?” → setting your three sacred no’s for the day

🗝️ aesthetic habits: → muted lipstick, claw clips, satin robes → walks in nature without music → pinning eerie feminine fashion on pinterest

🗝️ glow-up goals: → therapy to unpack your good girl origin story → learn to say “let me get back to you” → start a private blog to tell your real thoughts

✧ soft girls can bite back

emily fields was never weak. she swam every morning. she held her ground in interrogation rooms. she loved hard. she took hits and kept going. she had the kind of strength that’s underestimated. and that’s what makes it lethal.

you don’t need to be loud to be powerful. you don’t need to be rude to be respected. you don’t need to be a “girlboss” to set boundaries. you’re allowed to be soft and sharp. delicate and dangerous. pretty and protective of your energy.

you don’t owe softness to anyone who hasn’t earned it.

🕯️🕯️🕯️

mindy’s final tip: if you’ve ever felt like being nice was your only power. reclaim your fire. you’re not mean for choosing yourself. you’re not selfish for having limits. you’re not “too much” for being done with pretending.

a brand new notion template, made by me, specifically for people pleasers!!:

🕯 a printable “soft girl sabotage” worksheet to decode your trauma-coded softness 🃏 a Notion tarot spread called “the soft girl spellbreaker,” where each card reveals a layer of your hidden power 📓 guided journaling altar to help you make a ritual out of self-reclamation 🎧 playlist to set the vibe 🖤 dark coquette, eeriecore, soft psychology aesthetic throughout

🖤

🕯 repost if you’re done being nice.

[psychologicalfables]

I've been into poetry and writing for about a month now. I do apologize in advance for my poor eng skills since it's not my first language that being said pls enjoy a fable of mine.

[fhealync]

🧠 Their thoughts aren’t your truth. 🚪 Unfollow their expectations and follow your soul instead. 📲 Tag someone who’s breaking free too!

[whatnobodysaw]

survival skills in Sunday clothes

I spent a long time believing my personality was just "responsible", "mature", "sensitive", or "anxious."

It took me years to realize that a lot of it was actually adaptation.

Reading the room before speaking. Monitoring people's moods. Avoiding mistakes before they happened. Feeling responsible for everyone else's emotional state. Overexplaining. Apologizing preemptively. Thinking three steps ahead at all times. Feeling guilty for resting. Mistaking hypervigilance for wisdom.

When you grow up in an environment where obedience, appearances, perfection, or emotional suppression matter more than emotional safety, survival skills start disguising themselves ad personality traits.

And the hard part is that those traits often get rewarded.

You become "the good kid." "The mature one." "The dependable one." "The strong one." Meanwhile your nervous system is functioning like it's preparing for impact at all times.

I don't think I truly understood how exhausted I was until I started trying to become a softer person and I realized I had no idea how to relax without feeling unsafe.

Sometimes healing is less about becoming someone new and more about meeting the version of yourself that never got to exist in the first place.

[sk-lumen]

Like many other people-pleasers, I used to be wary of speaking up and setting boundaries, afraid of what people would think or how it would hurt their feelings. Years later, I don't care anymore. My mental health and wellbeing comes first.

If I feel burnt out, I communicate this (in a polite yet assertive way) to the friends asking me out. If my week is overloaded with plans, I decline any further invitations and reschedule accordingly. The same with anything else.

People will understand. And with time, they will respect you more, and adapt faster to your way of handling things. Who knows, you might even inspire them to have healthier boundaries and better communication, which will in turn inspire others like a domino effect.

[iamheretoheal]

[ladymacabrebeth]

Selfishness has always been demonized, but it is necessary from time to time. Humans aren't some Swiss knife who can divide their bodies for everyone. Boundaries are important. You don't always need to give yourself to everyone 24/7. What an exhausting life that is. You'll damage your health, sanity, time, and boundaries for always giving your all to everyone just to please them. Instead, give your all to yourself. Don't sacrifice it by bending too much for other people. Just like bones, you'll break if you bend too much.

Lady Macabre Beth