Permanent December
Joseph Quinn x Fem!Reader
Summary: You and Sara have been best friends for a while now and when Sara had started dating Wes, you realized he also had a best friend. Joe. But somehow, you and Joe tend not to get along all the time.
Author's Note: I apologize, I keep forgetting to re-upload the rest of these parts LMAO. Anyway, here's part four.
Wordcount: 5.4K
part one - part two - part three - part four - part five - part six - part seven - part eight - part nine - part ten
Work had been exhausting.
It was the constant phone calls, constant meetings every week from his manager, Alex, that was making him all worked up. He wasn’t going to lie, he loved his job.
He really did, but he was tired.
He was tired ever since his character from Stranger Things became an overnight favorite. He loved every single fan of his, and he was grateful for all the love that he had received, but he needed a break. A break from all the stricter rules that he had been receiving back and forth. The constant nagging of how he needed to stop smoking for real this time. He tried. He really did. But it was hard and from all the work that kept being thrown at him, it made him even smoke harder.
The constant nagging that he has to be careful because every move he made was now being watched by everyone. He needed to get away. He hasn’t spent time with himself nor with his friends anymore. It wasn’t like Wes had not been busy too. Wes would usually tag along with him to attend events in America. Little advance screenings or award shows whenever he was free but that had been a while since it happened, didn’t it?
Wes had been busy too.
Joe understood that, and he was happy for his best friend. Ever since he had met Sara, the lad had been nothing but happy and more of himself. Joe saw that in his eyes, and Wes had been nothing but talk about Sara all the time. Wes would fly over to Germany to visit, and Joe had met Sara when she had flown to London for the first time. He was quick to introduce her to Joe, and he thought that Sara was actually good for Wes. He understood it better when they had started hanging out more together as to why his best friend had fallen so hard for her.
Sara would hang out with the both of them when she was in London and to Joe’s surprise, he actually got along with her pretty well, but work had been busy where he hadn’t seen the both of them for a while now. So, when he was doing his little Dior photoshoot in Paris, Wes had called him asking when he was going to be done. Honestly, Joe hesitated because for the first time, he had some free time for two weeks. He wanted to just go home and have some peace on his own. Get away from everyone for a little while.
“C’mon, mate. You’ll love Germany.” Wes had convinced him. “You need a holiday.”
Joe sat in his dressing room that day, contemplating whether he should go join Wes and Sara or just go home and maybe spend some time by himself.
A real peaceful two weeks that he really needed.
Eventually, he gave in anyway because he thought maybe a little holiday in a different country was going to take his mind off of work, but that wasn’t the case was it? Because the moment he flew to Germany and he had walked into Sara’s apartment for the first time, his eyes immediately caught you.
You sat there on the sofa next to Sara with a smile on your face, and Joe swore he had forgotten the whole English language. You were so nice too. You were so welcoming, but he just stood there for about an hour unable to move his feet. Unable to really say anything.
He had heard about you. Sara had mentioned you through conversations before and even Wes had mentioned you before. Joe wasn’t exactly sure why they couldn’t stop talking about you but now, he understood.
The whole afternoon was just him listening to conversations between you, Wes, and Sara, and he would chime in from time to time. You were funny, understanding and you knew what you wanted for you, and he stood there like an idiot under Sara’s doorway and just… watched.
He stood there trying to find the right words to join in the conversation and when Sara had suggested to go to the Christmas market that night, Joe was determined to try and talk to you. To get to know you better because for some reason, you just immediately pulled him in, and you didn’t even know, didn’t you? You didn’t know how much he was struck by you by just one look, but unfortunately, his work never stopped, did it? Because he was caught up texting Alex back and forth that night at the Christmas market talking about his schedule and upcoming projects. Joe wasn’t even in Germany for a full day, and he was already being bothered by his team again.
Wasn’t he on a holiday? Wasn’t these two weeks supposed to be a break?
Joe got all tense and worked up again that he didn’t even realize that he wasn’t enjoying his night anymore. And oh god, all he wanted was to try and talk to you that night. Get to know you better.
“Glühwein?”
Joe had gazed up from his phone for the first time that night and what did he see? You handing him the hot steaming glass of wine, and you looked so thoughtful. He couldn’t help but think how you glowed with the Christmas lights that flickered around you.
And Joe?
He was kicking himself mentally for not being a gentleman and offered to get you one. You stood still in front of him, waiting for him to take the drink and if he wasn’t such an idiot already, the next few words didn’t slip out of his lips correctly.
“I could have paid for one myself.” Joe had told you, and he swore he wanted to just stitch his mouth right there and then because he didn’t mean it that way.
He meant he could have paid for one. He could have paid for you, but he was exhausted and in a bad mood that his brain wasn’t even running correctly anymore.
You gave him a short answer that Sara had paid for it, but he already had fucked up, didn’t he? Because he already could hear the offended tone from your voice. His eyes shifted towards Wes and Sara from behind you, and he didn’t want to make things worse than it already was. He didn’t need to offend Sara either. So, he took the glass and muttered a small thank you to you, hoping he wouldn’t say anything else that was stupid for the rest of the night.
“Take a picture, it will last longer.” Wes smirked at his best friend.
Both men had distanced themselves from you and Sara later that night, and they were busy looking for a gift for Wes’ mum. Joe hadn’t realized it yet until he saw Wes smirking at him that he had been staring at you. He was feeling defeated that he wasn’t able to really talk to you and get to know you better and to make things worse for that matter, he had offended you also.
“She’s so fit, isn’t she?” Wes teased him even more, making Joe nudged him on the arm. “Well, are you just going to stand there, or are you actually going to talk to her?”
“No, you wanker.” Joe rolled his eyes at his best friend. “I already fucked it all up tonight.”
Wes let out a small laugh, shaking his head. “You could try again, but don’t even think about hurting her because she’s important to Sara.”
Joe exhaled sharply and gave up for the rest of the night. He didn’t want to risk saying something more stupid and that was how it went for the next two weeks. Him keeping his distance from you, and him being bothered by his team throughout his holiday. It wasn’t a holiday really if he was still constantly talking to Alex on the phone.
Meanwhile, you sat there the whole time, making Joe feel so hypnotized by you, and you didn’t even know about it. You didn’t know how for the next few years, all Joe would be thinking about was you.
All he would think about was how your eyes would twinkle when you were talking about something that you love and how the sound of your laughter was so pleasant in his ears. Joe would mentally kick himself that next year for not being able to actually make an effort to talk to you, and he would constantly kick himself and question himself as to how did you occupy his mind so constantly when he only had known you for two weeks? Joe would count the days, months and hours until he was able to see you again in December.
But work had gotten worse.
It had left him more exhausted. It had him try to hide from everyone in public because now, there were people following him all the time. There were people taking pictures of him with the longer lens camera, and it had got him overthinking over the fact that he couldn’t disrupt your life like that. He couldn’t bring you into his messy and tangled world, so the next two years were like that. He would spend two weeks in Germany during December, spent time with Wes and Sara, and kept his distance from you.
Always an arm’s length.
Always making sure he didn’t get near you because if he did, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from making a move. That was why when he had seen you on the set of the show he was guest starring in LA, he couldn’t move.
You saw him, and he has seen you.
Both of your eyes had locked with each other, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t do anything about it because his team was there, and he needed you away from them. He needed you to be safe from the noise of his life. So, Joe had walked away. He had walked away and had acted like he didn’t know you.
It was better that way.
He kept you safe like that.
Just safe in his heart.
And that whole day was pure torture for him. He kept trying to avoid you, kept trying to make sure you didn’t lock eyes again. Joe knew. He knew that you had pretended that you didn’t know him too. You had kept your distance the way he did and by the end of the day, he had seen you leave the set. Not one word came out from both of your lips for each other. It was better that way.
Don’t hurt her.
Wes’ voice would echo in his mind from time to time. If only Wes knew how much Joe had fallen for you over the next few years he had gotten to know you better every December. If only Wes knew how much Joe was always thinking about you throughout the year when your presence wasn’t around.
If only you knew.
But Wes wasn’t stupid either.
He had seen.
He had seen many times how much Joe would drool over you. How much Joe was trying so hard to stop himself from walking over and talking to you. They knew each other since primary school, so Wes knew his best friend too well. So, he finally asked Joe one day if he had feelings for you.
Feelings for you? Psh, no. Wes was being mental.
Joe denied it. He denied it many times.
But eventually, Joe admitted it. He had admitted it when he had a few too many beers one night. Wes couldn’t help but smirk at his best friend when he had slipped up and told him how he really felt.
They both were sitting in a pub on a Friday night, and Wes had been sulking over the fact that he missed Sara so much, and he wished the distance wasn’t so hard sometimes.
That was when Joe brought up the subject of you.
If Wes had been sulking over Sara, Joe sulked over you a lot worse. He was rambling about how at least Wes was with Sara. That they love each other. With you, however, it was harder because Joe never wanted to disrupt your life due to the fact that he was now being watched by everyone in the world. How you have kept your distance too. How you were always so aloof and quiet around him, and you probably didn’t feel the same with him.
But goddammit, he just couldn’t stop thinking about you. He tried to stop too.
He tried hard.
He had started dating other girls but the thought of you never left his mind. None of them were like you. Eventually, he had given up going on dates and had told himself that maybe just admiring you from afar was just enough for him. As long as you were happy.
But why did he have to open his mouth again the next time he had seen you? You were all back at the Christmas market in Germany, and Wes just had dragged Sara away from the both of you to go look at something. Meanwhile, you had occupied yourself by looking at the porcelain dolls that were in front of you. You had pulled your coat closer to your chest as the winter air blew a little harder, and Joe had noticed you were wearing your usual winter coat and even if you had so many layers on, Joe could tell that you were still cold.
All he wanted was to give you his own coat, keep you warm, but he wasn’t even sure what he was doing most of the time when he was around you. All he knew was that his feet had betrayed him as he continued to follow you from behind. Joe couldn’t bring himself to talk to you, so he stood there next to you for a moment. Maybe a little conversation between you two wasn’t going to hurt, right? So he tried, and he stupidly did.
He had started the conversation pretty well until his lips slipped the wrong words again, making you feel insulted. Joe wasn’t going to lie. He really thought that doll you were holding was adorable. He thought it wasn’t creepy like the porcelain ones that were on the table.
But he just had to open his mouth, didn’t he? He had to make a little comment, hoping it would make you smile or laugh at least. He didn’t even know if that was his way of flirting with you but either way, it insulted you instead.
He had spent two days apologizing to you after that, trying to explain what he meant wasn’t supposed to be insulting, but you had ignored him for the next two weeks. He didn’t blame you. He was an idiot. It didn’t help either when Sara had suggested taking the holiday in London next December.
The whole month. She had said.
That meant you were going to see his city. You were going to meet his friends. You were going to see what he really was like and that scared Joe. He was scared that maybe you would just dislike him even more if you got to know more of him. He wanted to just fly out of Germany after that.
Wes wasn’t helping either when his best friend just laughed at his face when Joe told him about what happened.
“Are you taking the piss? You literally did not just tell her she looked like a raggedy old doll.” Wes laughed, his face was so red, he could barely breathe.
You and Sara were still asleep, and the two of them had spent the morning making tea and breakfast for the both of you. Joe sat on the chair, burying his face in his hands. As if he didn’t already feel guilty for what he had said, Wes had to laugh at him too.
“Oh, fuck off!” Joe scrunched up his face, throwing a piece of bread at Wes.
“You truly have gone mental over her.” Wes smirked.
“I can't,” Joe shook his head, taking a sip of his tea. “I can’t disappoint her even more.”
“Ohmygod.” Wes rolled his eyes, pulling up a chair next to him. “So, you’re just going to just sit there and not do anything about it?”
Joe sipped his tea, shrugging his shoulders. He didn’t say one word after that, and Wes just shook his head and scoffed. He had to make it up to you somehow, right? Keeping you at an arm’s length didn’t mean he could stop showing up for you, so he did.
He offered Sara that you and her could stay at his house because he wanted both of you to be safe and comfortable, but you had declined. He didn’t blame you though. He had been giving you a cold shoulder and stupid insulting comments. He brought this all to himself.
However, Joe was quick to volunteer to join Wes when he found out Wes was going to pick you and Sara up at the airport. Joe was nervous that you would be in London, especially since Wes already had invited all their friends for a little party in his flat that night. Though, at the same time, Joe was excited because you were able to see his city. See London and how beautiful it was.
But goddamn. Fucking Alex.
At this point, Joe wasn’t sure if Alex had put a tracker on him because for some goddamn reason, he was always at the most perfect timing whenever he was trying to reach Joe.
Another fucking work meeting.
Not even a minute after seeing you, Joe had focused his attention on his phone to reply back to Alex, who had told him that he needed to be at the meeting as soon as possible. So, he had to go. Joe quickly explained to Wes what was happening, and Wes was quick to understand the situation. He had quickly told both you and Sara a welcome greeting before leaving the airport.
In the cab, the whole ride towards Alex’s office, all he could think about was he needed to stop. He needed to stop thinking about you because at the end of the day, he won’t be able to pursue you. He would just hate himself if he had put you in the spotlight, making you experience all the shit that Hollywood has to offer.
He could never.
So, after the little meeting with Alex, he went straight to Wes’ flat and prepared the place like he promised Wes and then, Joe had found himself drowning in alcohol that night at the party. He had made sure everything was great but the rest of the night was spent talking to his friends and completely ignoring you.
Hell, that was a lie.
No matter what he did, his eyes would always linger towards you. His eyes would linger just for a second when you weren’t looking to make sure you were okay. To make sure you were also having fun but as the night went on, he had noticed how you had put yourself in the corner. He wondered if you were uncomfortable with his friends. He wondered if you weren’t feeling well that night and when he had decided to take a smoke break, he had found you out on the balcony by yourself.
With the alcohol running in his system, his thoughts had taken over also and god, he wished he could just hold you. He wished he could just talk to you, sweep you off your feet and charm you with all his ways. But you were also drunk. You were so drunk that you almost had fallen back on the chair behind you, and Joe was quick to almost catch you.
But you can handle yourself though, right? Because you quickly caught yourself, but he saw how your cheeks had turned red. Joe couldn’t help but laugh at how cute you were when you were drunk but that laugh got you feeling insulted again.
Of course, because when did Joe ever make a good decision whenever he talked to you? Just to add into his stupid decisions, he had teased you that made you even more upset.
“Just shut the fuck up for once.” Joe whispered to himself as soon as you left to go back inside.
Joe had distanced himself since then. He couldn’t even say goodbye to you that night. It was better that way.
Just keep the distance.
But Wes had to butt in, didn’t he?
He had to kill two birds with one stone because he had called Joe up the next morning asking if he could keep you company that night. Wes apparently had a small surprise for Sara, and Joe, of course, couldn’t say no. He wanted to help out his best friend, but he knew Wes’ plan always had a reason. He knew part of it was because Wes wanted Joe to spend some quality time with you, but you weren’t too happy when you had figured out Wes' little plan that night.
Could Joe blame you? Why would you want to spend time with someone who had been insulting you and was constantly giving you a cold shoulder?
It was his own fault. It was his own doing.
He brought this tension between you two. It was his own choice to stay away. To draw this imaginary line that he couldn’t cross over. So, he just sat there that night. He sat there and just watched you drink all the shots of tequila and tried to enjoy your time. You had asked him if Wes was paying for all this, but Joe had told you that Wes wasn’t. He was.
In all honesty, he’d do more than just paying for your drinks. He’d do anything for you. Anything that could make you happy. And if that meant just keeping his mouth shut for the night, leaving you alone, so you could enjoy your time, then he’d be happy to do it.
Though, the night got worse when he had come back from the restroom and had seen you talking to another man. He was sitting in his seat. Joe’s seat. And the man was enjoying it too. The man was enjoying your company, and you were enjoying his. Unlike how you have been miserable sitting next to him all night. Suddenly, something started bubbling up inside Joe.
Jealousy.
Why was he jealous? You had every right to talk to any man you wanted. It wasn’t like you two were together. He didn’t have the right to feel this way, but why won’t it stop?
So, he had sat in the corner of the bar that night. Away from you. Away from your line of vision, making sure that you wouldn’t see him. You didn’t realize how much Joe wished it was him that you were talking to. It was his jokes that you were laughing at. It was him that could make you smile, but he had to always stop himself. He always had to make sure you were protected and safe. Joe had found himself having another bottle of beer that night, trying to drown his feelings for you as he watched you giggle over what the man had whispered to you.
Then, the next thing that his eyes saw made him angry.
The man’s hand had slid up to your thigh, and he saw how your smile faded. How you quickly took his hand away, but the man wasn’t going to budge. He wasn’t going to stop until he got you.
How dare he? How dare he touch you?
Who did he think he was that he could just touch you like that? Joe didn’t think twice getting up from where he was and immediately walked over to you. His hand on the small of your back. All he wanted was to protect you. Shield you from this disgusting pig that you were talking to but that didn’t really help, did it? Because you got angry.
Angry at him.
“I didn’t need your help!” You yelled at him down the sidewalk.
Joe wasn’t sure what he should do. So, he froze. Joe knew he had pushed you away. He knew how he had kept you at an arm’s length, but he didn’t realize how much it had affected you.
It affected you?
How? You were always so reserved too. You always knew what you wanted, and you never showed any interest in him? Joe knew you were technically there for Sara and sure, you had gotten along with Wes also. He didn’t know that his presence—distant presence—would have an effect on you. So, he was taken aback when he had found out that you thought he hated you.
He hated you? The complete opposite of what he was feeling.
“Just fucking leave me alone.” You had told him that night before walking away from him.
All Joe wanted was to hold you because even if you had turned away from him, he knew that you were crying, and it was all his fault. He was the one who made you cry, and he couldn’t do anything about it because now, you just wanted him to be away from you. He did leave you alone that night but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t going to make sure you got back to the hotel safe.
So, he just followed you all the way back from a distance. Joe didn’t try to do anything else as soon as he saw you enter your room safely that night. He went home with so many thoughts reeling in his mind. He wanted to apologize to you, tell you how he never hated you. That he was actually in love with you.
So in love with you that he’d do anything for you, but he just couldn’t. He couldn’t bring you to his messy world. So, he had told himself to focus on his work for a while, and he had disappeared from your life for a week.
The fact that he had to do a lot of things for work also helped. He had sat in work meetings and had gotten an earful from Alex about everything he needed to do. He had sat in his dressing room all week to do another Dior ad, and all he could think about was the little updates Wes would text him throughout the week.
The little pictures of the three of you that Wes would send to him, visiting the best spots in London. Wes had invited him to his little surprise party for you, but he couldn’t make it. He had an event to attend to, so he had bought you a cake that morning instead and brought it to Wes.
“Just don’t tell her it’s from me.” Joe had told Wes when he had popped in at his flat that morning. He hasn’t technically told Wes what really happened that night at the pub.
“Really, mate?” Wes raised an eyebrow at him. “Why not?”
“Just please don’t.” Joe begged before seeing Sara appear behind Wes.
“What’s this?” Sara asked, looking at the sprinkle covered cake.
Joe and Wes had stared at each other for a moment, and as if Joe hadn’t felt guilty enough. He felt more guilty that Wes had to lie to Sara.
“Oh…um… Wes asked me to get the cake.” Joe answered, seeing Wes roll his eyes at him.
“We already have the cake.” Sara furrowed her brows.
Wes raised his brow at his best friend, signaling him that this lie wasn’t going to work. Joe, however, had gave him his begging eyes to just keep it between them
Wes let out a small sigh and turned to Sara. “Yes, but that’s for the party, darling. This is for when we surprise her in her hotel room.”
“Oh.” That was all Sara could say before Joe had said goodbye to them, making an excuse that he was going to be late for work.
The event that night had been boring.
Joe had found his thoughts elsewhere as he sat there, looking at his phone constantly to see what time it was. He was hoping all night that maybe he could skip the after party and just go straight to yours. If he could actually make it on time.
However, the event had run a little longer than expected, and Joe had missed your party. It ran a little longer that he had found himself rushing home, wrapping the gift he had gotten you because he was so occupied that he forgot to wrap it the night before. It ran a little longer that when he was on the tube on the way to your hotel, he had hoped that you were still up and hadn’t fallen asleep already because he had an hour left before midnight and didn’t want to miss your birthday completely.
And when you had opened the door for him, a relief washed over him, knowing that he didn’t miss your birthday. He ran from the station all the way to your hotel that he was out of breath when he had arrived and his hair was all in disarray. Though, the sight of you had pulled in his breath even more because that dress–oh my god that dress– got him hitching his breath, and he felt like he couldn’t find air in his lungs any longer.
“Hey.” That was all he could manage.
You looked beautiful—stunning actually— and Joe was trying his best to control himself. To keep his distance. He wouldn’t be able to stop himself if he was going to ever try and cross that imaginary line that he had drawn for himself. So, when he gave you the gift, he was quick and ready to walk away and say goodnight, but you offered him a piece of cake. You had to be nice and invite him to your hotel room.
Joe kept his mouth shut the whole time. He looked around your room and couldn’t help but think how organized you were. Another thing he had noticed about you. He watched you serve him the cake, and you even gave him a bottle of water.
Thoughtful.
And good lord, you just had to eat that piece of cake in front of him, didn't you? You just had to keep licking off the frosting off your bottom lip, while Joe had tried his best to make a normal conversation with you.
Joe was weak.
He kept looking down at his cake and avoiding eye contact because he knew how much you were making him want to fold for you, and he couldn’t cross that line. He couldn’t. He had told an actual joke and showed you an actual genuine smile that night, and he didn’t know he could just fall for you even more when you had given him a smile that was just meant for him and a small thank you that night. Joe got so distracted that he had forgotten the one thing he wanted to tell you.
“I don’t hate you.” He had told you in the middle of the hall.
He never have and never would. That was one thing he could at least give you.
Reassurance.
A reassurance that your presence never bothered him and that he never wanted to make you feel that way at all. In fact, if he could, he would have told you how much you made his life brighter since you had walked in. How much he loved your laugh. How much he wanted to hold you, but he couldn’t because his life was too complicated. His world was too messy that he couldn’t let you experience all the messiness that came with it. In fact, that was all he could think about until the next day. How he was too close crossing the line last night. How he couldn’t let himself do that again.
Joe had to keep distancing himself.
It was better that way.
When Joe had found himself sitting at his dining table that next morning, sipping his cup of tea, his thoughts about you were interrupted by a knock on his front door. Getting up from his chair, he made his way towards the door and opened it, finding Wes looking so tense in front of him, brows furrowed, and he was all agitated.
“I need your help.”
*******
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