#person-all

[astro-clicker]

awgod

hi, I lost my original account access to "Weenierufus/Weenierufu" so like. hewlo lmao- We're starting Fresh B)

WELL, THIS IS MY BACKUP NOW LOL

Jk, new Art blog <3

Personal Website

Tumblr (Weenierufu)

Vgen

Twitter

[tuan-the-chosen-one]

They have so high expectations for you. They think you’re the special, loving and caring child you once were.

They don’t want to accept that you’ve changed...Although they can’t properly see it.

[vicious-violet-blog]

No livestream tonight...

...I'm still not in the best of spirits, so I figured it was best to just cancel the broadcast so I can try to get my head together. The good news, if it can be considered such, is that I've figured out exactly what has caused this recent breakdown. The bad news is, I still have no idea how to regain my confidence and maintain it. It's extremely difficult. I habitually dwell on the negative things I have heard about my work, and on the paranoid belief that there is something inherently wrong with my art and my art style and thus it remains ugly and awkward. I've received a good deal of support over the last several hours, and for that I thank you all (you know who you are). I think I just need to take a break from a lot of things, and will very likely keep to myself artistically until I feel confident enough to share my work again.

[slantednotenchanted-blog]

Let's share a little...

I've been through a lot lately. I've decided to start writing short stories again. It's been a long time.

I've written two, and I'd like to share the one that I'm going to share with you. Buh-dum. Feel free to write me a message with your thoughts. If you want to heart the post, awesome! And, if you want to completely ignore it, that's totally acceptable.

Do you look yourself in the mirror when you brush your teeth? Do you walk around when you brush your teeth? Are you looking into your eyes, thinking deep thoughts about your day, your life, and maybe even your future? Is it the past that you think about when you brush your teeth? Do you even look at yourself? Are you bored? Do you walk around the bathroom, reacquainting yourself with the towel rack, with the grooves in the shower where the soap is supposed to lie? Do you investigate your medicine cabinet, reading the warning labels, questioning your alcohol intake? Do you bend over the shower ledge, attempting to figure out when exactly the shower head became so rusty and, well, shitty looking?

Is there even a mirror in your house outside of the bathroom? Do you look at yourself when you get dressed? Do you look at yourself? Is there a camera on your computer? If so, how frequently do you use it? Is it more often the case that your friends hijack your computer to take photos of themselves? How frequently do you admire yourself in reflective surfaces? Do you turn over your spoon when you’re alone? How long is the pause? What do you do when you look at yourself? Do you look at yourself?

Do you look at yourself at all? You have to. If anything, you’re probably forced to. Does it feel like you’re forced to confront yourself? What do you do when you look at yourself in the mirror? Do you smile? Do you make faces? Do you check yourself out? Do you question the curves, the lumps, the moles, the dead skin, the wrinkles, the crows feet? Do you think about your hairline and your bald paternal grandfather?

When I look at myself in the mirror, I sigh. Sometimes, I’ll blow air out of my mouth as if I’m motor-boating. It’s like a sigh, but with more feeling. I never realized it until this morning, but I sigh. I always fucking sigh when I look at myself in the mirror.

When I brush my teeth, I walk around. I never take time to look at myself. If someone is around, I’m looking at them. If they’re in the mirror, I’m looking at them. The back of their head. Their arm. Their leg. I really like studying the way that their hair is shaped on the back of their head. I hate the way the hair on the back of my head looks. It’s so square, so clearly structured.

I rarely study myself. I have no mirrors besides the one on my medicine cabinet. I hate looking at myself, which is weird, because, honestly, the real truth of the matter is that I actually kind of like my face. On a purely superficial level, I think my face is rather appealing. It’s everything else that I hate about myself. Yet, still, I sigh. I think about music, I think about other people, I think about masturbating. If I think about myself in the least, it is with negative connotations.

I sigh.

The moment that I realized this, I quit walking around. I stopped focusing on other people. I finally stopping finicking with the towel rack, even though soft towels are a wonderful comfort. Instead of doing all of these things, I looked at myself in the mirror. I made eye contact with my reflexion. I stared at myself hard. Really, really hard. “Don’t sigh,” I told myself, “Don’t sigh.” I have no reason to sigh, do I? On a purely superficial level, I like the way that my face looks. It’s everything else that’s a sloppy fucking mess. But, my face, that’s a place that I can start.

Toothpaste fell on my shirt. I was focusing so hard that I put my hand on auto pilot and was probably brushing my teeth away (Is it the toothpaste that cleans teeth, or the motion of the brush?). I didn’t cuss, though. For these 30-45 seconds, I needed to stay positive. I realized, in this moment, why I don’t have any mirrors in my house. I realized that this will be hard. I realized that this will take a very, very long time. I have to get comfortable with my reflection. I have to be able to stare at myself without sighing.

Do you look at yourself in the mirror after you brush your teeth? What do you think about? Do you stare at zits, cuts, and bruises? Do you make elastic faces, testing the mobility of skin? Do you talk to yourself? Do you talk about your day? About your looks? Your feelings? Life?

Can you look in the mirror and, with absolute honesty, say “I love you?” Does it feel stupid? Weird, even? Can you look in the mirror and say, without feeling like an idiot, “Hey, I like you.” Can you do that?