My testimony of how I became a Christian
All my life, I thought I was a Christian. It was natural to think this way because I had been born into a Christian household. Therefore, it was also natural that I went to church and learned about God, Jesus, his values, concepts, and salvation. As a person born with a disability, I had felt that, in a way, God was the only one I could truly depend on with any physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual difficulties. I had never truly doubted about God and had naively assumed he was real due to my parents’ strong faith in him. So, I thought I did too until the day I went to church in middle school when the youth pastor asked us if we actually believed for ourselves or if it was just from our parents. Then he continued to ask if we had faith that we had salvation through Jesus by grace. That point in question suddenly pierced through my mind and it was then I realized that I did somewhat believe in God and Jesus’s resurrection. I knew about ever since I was young and thought I was saved. Yet, I realized that knowing and believing were different things. I had never come before God myself in full repentance and sincerity, asking for forgiveness and accepting Jesus as my lord and savior. As soon as I came to that conclusion, I panicked in fear. My strong conviction and beliefs about God instantly was thrown into chaos. I started wondering what should I do? What can I do? I’m scared to go to hell. What can I do to not go there? How? Thankfully, those fears were alleviated when the pastor guided us to accept Jesus as our savior and resurrected 3 days later. He lead us in prayer and during that time, I earnestly reached out to God, repented, and accepted Jesus. The second I did, my heart and the world immediately felt calm and at peace. My heart felt full of love and open minded. When I left the church building that day, the world looked more bright and beautiful than I ever considered it to be. The sky looked bluer, the weather was pleasant, the breeze brushing my hair away, and the warm sunlight shining down on me felt as if God was tenderly holding me. These minor things made me feel loved by God and felt assurance that I will always have him by side no matter what circumstances appear before me. His acceptance into my life helped me to become more patient, understanding, looking at things from different perspectives, and made hateful emotions toward my dad disappear. (I still have a hard time emotionally towards him, but not hate anymore). God became my close friend even more and has been there for me through and through. I truly felt saved and believed I would be able to go to heaven. What started out as accepting Christ driven from fear turned into a genuine desire of intimacy from him. This is my testimony. But then several years later when I was a senior in high school, I got a wake up call from God. After my salvation in middle school, my walk with God was great. Yet, after awhile in high school, I slowly faded away into a distant relationship with God. I was forgetting the basics of salvation too. I suppose one can say that I was struggling with my faith due to distractions, hardships, and dread. Looking back now, I think God wanted me to regain my faith and return to him. So, I think that’s why he gave me a dream I would never forget. I dreamt that I was standing in line with people in front of me at the gate of heaven. There were two angels at the gate standing side by side. They would ask one question to each person and depending on how the question was answered; the person would either go pass through the gate of heaven or be dragged down with chains on their legs down to hell. When it was my turn, they just asked what was the one way to get to heaven. I was arrogant and prideful that I answered that I believe in God. I thought the question was easy and that I was correct. Boy, I was incorrect. They shook their heads and looked at me with dismay. They said, “Wrong answer.” The moment they said that, I froze in shock, my blood ran cold, my heart started beating fast, and I became frightened. I started to quiver, shake, and cry frantically. I was terrified. The chains shot up from the empty dark ground and latched around my ankles. It began to drag me down. As it was pulling me, I desperately screamed to the angels while crying and demanded to know what the right answer was. By God’s grace, they answered right before I was completely dragged to hell, saying that it was through Jesus that I am saved. That answer was a blow to me and I was filled with regret, shame, and disappointment to myself. Just right before I was in hell, I woke up. That dream reminded me how merciful, loving, and gracious God was. From then on, whenever I feel lost, I remember that dream and become thankful with everything God has blessed me with. God is forever wonderful, beautiful, and amazing.