#personal note

[snowstr]

Sensei is bigger and heavier than I thought.... 🥰🥹

[evelynknightart]

As some of you might know, my mom is not in a good health. While taking care of her, I also have to take care of the cats and all the household. I’m sorry if the commission delivery will be delayed, but I’ll inform ahead if necessary.

[reality-detective]

Today is my 66th Bornday, I AM taking the weekend off so I can get some peace in nature. If anything comes up that is important for everyone to know I will certainly post it.

Everyone stay healthy and remain strong 💫

Much Love

[blackbatpurplecat]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/79425691

Personal recommendation:

I absolutely LOVE the game Red Dead Redemption 2!

I love Arthur Morgan. And I unexpectedly fell in love with the Stranger Charlotte Balfour.

I've been craving more fan content of them as a couple for so long and today, a new story was posted on AO3. I am overjoyed! 🥰🥰🥰

[schtiinksphearzlmao]

I'm Mr. Ant Tenna I'm Mr. Show I'm Mr. King of Only! I’m Mr. Never-too-old! Friends call me Host-miser Whatever I touch, Boosts my RATINGS a BUNCH! (Haha!) IIIII’m too much!

[casual-video-transcripts]

Okay, here is a type of schedule so I can keep some sort of accountability on myself this year

March 17-31: Work on the transcript through the new email drive

April 1-5: Use that as a break

April 6-11: Proofread and editing period. Basically the time to review it for any mistakes I missed or notes I want to add

April 13: Publish it with a hyperlink to my expanded version of the video transcript

So what else does this mean?

For the months of March and April, I will pause on transcribing for Nerdfighteria so I can finally focus on this project that I wanted to tackle for years. Very fortunate the video is still around. Something to note is that I do have a job that takes up my mornings so I transcribe at night (because I’m a god damn night owl unfortunately).

If I ever complete this, I hope to eventually tackle some more YouTube videos that are in my interests like this mera video. It would be cool to do another long form video but don’t be surprised if I do some more shorts.

Also, sorry for the delay… if anyone is even interested in this. But I’m still on this site. Fingers crossed I tackle this long overdue project. Perfectionism be damned.

Anyways, I hope to catch up with you all next time. I’ll be sure to update you all if anything comes up. Until then, I hope you all are safe and well. May you all still have your loved ones and community. From the river to the sea.

P.S. Yes, I changed my blog banner and profile icon from Star Wars-related to LOONA and the Moon.

[orangekoalaracer]

Hi everyone! So it’s December 1st, which means it’s the one year anniversary of when I first started posting Motorsport RPF! My first fic was posted one year ago today, so I wanted to make this post commemorating it.

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has read any of my fics, left kudos or comments, or subscribed and/or bookmarked my fics. It’s been staggering seeing the support I’ve received on my work in the last year!

From the bottom of my heart, I appreciate you all. And I hope that you all continue enjoy my fics/updates!

[daycourtofficial]

Personal update below

Tw: pregnancy loss, miscarriage, blood

Here it is, the words I’ve been unable to type, much less say out loud. Late in the night a few nights ago, I woke up to some abdominal cramping and went to the bathroom. I had been bleeding vaginally all day, but not enough to be super concerned.

I woke up and went to the bathroom, and knew something was wrong. To spare the details, I was bleeding a lot, cramping severely, and I knew my baby was gone. I felt empty inside, despite only being about 7 or 8 weeks pregnant. Intuition, I suppose. I just felt so lonely, as if I wasn’t supposed to be the only occupant in my body.

My husband took me to the hospital and after hours of invasive poking, prodding, and testing, a nurse practitioner I will likely never see again, who will likely never think of me again, told me that my baby was gone. He was straight forward, which I like in medical personnel. He told me my pregnancy was unviable and that it’s common. That we shouldn’t worry. These things happen. It’s normal, common. The three or so minutes felt like an eternity, waiting for him to leave so I could fall apart in the privacy of my husband’s arms, despite the lack of privacy an emergency department offers.

The hospital was so sterile, the bright lights and lack of windows made it impossible for you to track the passage of time. The winding hallways a maze of monotony, making it impossible to know how to return to your room without a guide. The walls were devoid of any real color, save for tv screens and workplace posters. And yet, the room I was placed in was the only room with decorative curtains. All the other curtains were just a shade of navy.

Mine had flowers on it, as if the world or God or the hospital wanted to offer me some reprieve, some reminder that for the hospital, this was routine, but that it wasn’t routine for me. That I deserved something for my eyes to find comfort in.

So here it is, the new reality I find myself in. My baby is gone. The rare statement that, once it becomes true, will never change.

I’m reeling a bit from this loss, as you can imagine. I’m gutted. I got married right at the beginning of the year, falling pregnant not long after. I joked with my husband that I started the year off becoming a wife and was ending the year becoming a mom. I suppose it really was just a joke in the end, but I’m not sure if the punchline was me or my continued optimism, in spite all that I’ve endured.

Anyway, everyone was extraordinarily kind to me when I had posted that I was pregnant. I know that technically I don’t owe anyone details of my personal life, especially not this personal, but I wanted to share it because I don’t want to be sad and alone. And perhaps this will find its way to someone else who has felt some loss recently, whether it be the loss of someone or something, or a loss of self or identity, or a loss of the future you had planned out. Maybe they will feel some connection to this. Or maybe one day someone will think of this as they reel with their own loss.

I don’t regret sharing the news so early, despite the circumstances that have now led me to making this post. Any joy we can find is worth sharing, even if it’s fleeting, especially if it’s fleeting, and even if it’s for some stranger on the internet.

Anyway, I have my dogs and my husband, who are very loving. I’m not sure when I’ll post this, I’ll likely stick it in my queue somewhere so it feels less like I’m hitting the ‘post’ button and more like softly whispering all of this in the wind.

I will be okay, I always am. Grief is a black hole I am trying navigate and figure out where it ends and I begin, trying to remember what my new life will be like and how to grieve yet another version of myself lost to time and trauma and sadness.

There is no narrative device here, nothing I did could’ve changed the outcome. Sometimes the world is just needlessly cruel.

This doesn’t really affect anything on here or what I choose to interact with. I’m still okay discussing/reading/writing about babies and kids and everything in that realm. I just didn’t want anyone asking after the baby and making someone feel bad for wanting to know how I was doing.

Anyway, I don’t want to end this on a despairing note, even though that is the tune of my life at the moment. I want to remember that my now is not my forever, and I hope anyone reading this that is experiencing any manner of suffering takes as much out of that sentiment as I do.

Yours,

V ❤️