#personal post secret

[mariamyka]

Oh Life.

You know how hard it is when you're with that one person, and you can't hug him or kiss him bye/goodnight 'coz your siblings are at your back and doing so in front of them is just plain weird?

[mariamyka]

My Best Friend Broke Up With Me

I probably have the most complicated relationship with my boyfriend. At least, I used to. 

When my best friend found out that we got back together, he broke up with me...Not that we were ever together. I meant like...he stopped being friends with me.

My best friend was the one person who was there for me when I went through hell and back. Throughout all the crying, hurting, and feeling the world crash down on me on all sides, my best friend was there for me.

He was there for me when I felt like my world fell apart, he was there for me when I cried my heart out, in public, in private, when he's an island, even a continent away.

And then...he "broke up" with me.

The thing is, my best friend, even though he put up with a lot of crap with me, he never really fell in love. Got obssesed over someone, maybe, but not in love.

He will never understand how it feels to look at a person like he's your whole world. He never felt how it is to want to be with someone even though that person has hurt you countless of times before. He would never understand how it would be like to look past someone's flaws and accept him through all that because he never knew how it is to have someone who will mean everything.

He will never understand what it would be like to put up with bad things because not having that person in your life is unfathomable. He won't understand that there may be a lot of heartbreaking moments when you're together with that one person, but not being with him makes you feel like you're just floating in a bad way because you're just numb. He never even knew what it was like to fall in love with a person who is in love with him too.

My best friend won't understand that being with the person I love may be somewhat self destructive, but to be honest, I would be in-your-face self destructive without him.

And my parents, like my best friend, don't want me to get back together with him again.

You see, despite all the heartbreaking moments that shed more than enough tears, the person I love still manages to bring out the better in me. He makes me want to be more than the person that I am now, even though I know he's more than happy with me as it is. He makes me want to be better. He makes me feel like I mean more than just this. He makes me want to strive for something. He makes me believe that I'm a better person than I actually am, and he makes me want to be that better person. And he makes me just...happy.

The only times that I feel pure happiness like that... is when I'm with that person who means everything to me. Other times, I'm just scared, numb...terrified.

I want to be really okay again. But I don't have superpowers to take away the bad things.

I wish my parents and my best friend will be able to understand that.

[mariamyka]

Four Long Years

When I was in High School, I thought I would go somewhere familiar for college. I was wrong.

College, for me, was a strange experience that included culture shock, language barriers, and horror.

I wasn’t a big fan of the culture: in the region, and of the so-called “UP Culture”, I do not speak Hiligaynon (the language in that region) and I felt intimidated as I was surrounded by what was said to be some of the brightest minds of the country. The time it takes to travel to Iloilo makes me want to scream in frustration, the place where the school is located made me want to cry, because it is a municipality and I was not made to live in some place… Rural.

To say that I had more than a few breakdowns would be an understatement, and through my four years of college, I have so many people to thank for putting up with me through all my drama, meltdown, crying, complaining, whining, bitchflipping…basically for putting up with all my crap.

TO MY UPV FRIENDS:

The HamHam Family: It was a lot easier to adjust because I have an awesome family. You guys basically helped me adjust to my new life in Miagao. I won’t forget our times together because really, if it weren’t for you, I would have given up on my “UP experience”

My Roommates: You, of all people were the ones who saw the best and the worst of me. when I get sick, depressed, sick again, depressed again….and of course, the constant stream of random bitchiness. Thank you for putting up with my crap, unhealthy lack of organization skills, and for putting up and supporting me through things that you don’t necessarily agree with.

My Support Group: Ako na ang adik, ako na ang emo, at sige, ako na ang keso. Hahaha. You guys are probably the best in giving me advices, ‘coz you do give great perspectives from guys’ point of view. You know when to NOT take me seriously, and you know how to make me smile. It’s kind of amazing how your adik and emo insanities can make me laugh. I know how irritating it was to listen to me complain and whine, and cry…=D

My Big Brother Figures: You guys really are like the older brothers I always wanted to have. You listen without judging, and you make me see the error of my ways without making me feel like some childish brat. I really appreciate that. Your encouragement and support meant so much. I know it can be hard not to pass judgement, but you were there to help me see the bigger picture, and I cannot thank you enough for that.

My Younger-Older Sweeties: I swear, you guys are loads more mature than I will ever be. Good luck with what remains of your college experience. Make the most out of it. Thank you for believing in me, for supporting me, for being there for me. It’s your turn to fight for survival, and you can do it.

My Best Friends: Is there really anything besides Amazing when it comes to you? I don’t even know where to start. You had me at my best, my worst, and my almost-evil like ways (and we laugh because you guys are the same) and among everyone I have to thank for in my four years, you are the ones I have to thank most, and the ones I will miss most of all.

TO MY FRIENDS OUTSIDE UPV:

My Best Friend: We may bash on each other all the time, but I never would have made it through if it weren’t for you. I know how tempting it could be to hang up on me when I whine, or worse, cry on the phone with almost always the same drama…yet you never do. Thank you because you were always there to give me a hug when I need one, despite all the bashing and pervvy jokes.

My Partner in Crime: We’ve known each other since we were kids, and I can trust you with almost anything. Thank you for staying with me when I cry, and for listening to me when I needed someone. You’re like an older AND younger brother to me: you’re always there for me and I really appreciate that.

My Twin and my Sweetie: For helping me go from square one to square one and one fourth…? haha. And then for supporting me despite your opposing opinion about the things I do. We’ve known each other our whole lives, so thank you for putting up with the i-do-not-know-how-old dramas.

My BFFs: For being you. For believing in me. For supporting me. For being my support group and therapists, because yes, I am some sort of damaged, self-absorbed brat, but you put up with all that, and accept me as me, and I can’t thank you enough for that.

My Girlfriends: Sometimes, talking to girlfriends to talk, eat and forget life’s problems are just what the doctor ordered. Because I can talk to you guys about anything, and say the most random, stupid things and we would just laugh. Thank you.

The Person Who Means A Lot to Me: Because you’re you. You believe in me even when I don’t, and you keep me sane. Thank you.

For four years (some, for way more than that) I had you guys to keep me sane,

and I cannot tell you how grateful I am for having all of you in my life…

Thank you, and lots of love.

Me.

[mariamyka]

For the Special People…

My 20th birthday also happened to be my college graduation. That’s a pretty special present already, but if it wasn’t special enough already, I also had a lot of love from a bunch of people. These people are the reasons I am writing this.

To the 200+ people who who took time to greet me a happy birthday and graduation: personally,  through facebook, twitter, text, phonecall… THANK YOU.

To my Best Friends, Janine and Tauxffer:

Thank you for the surprise cake you had someone delivered up to my hotel room at six in the morning. That was an awesome surprise to wake up to. And the words on the cake, ‘Happy Trip to Paris’ instead of the usual ‘Happy birthday’ made me laugh. Best Friends and surprise cakes: Definitely us, definitely Hammie. I should have expected that one.

Janine: I loved the scrapbook of us…I know you also had fun making that project.It is something I will keep close. And the Lauren Condrad book is awesome…Thank you. I love you forever.

Topher: Paris, one day. Someday. I will climb my mountain of art,romance and majestic lights. Thank you for believing in me. 48 Laws and a lot of practice,and I will conquer my mountain. You will always be my big brother. I love you always.

To my adopted Cebu Family: Kyle, Nica, Bea, Giann, Ton2x, Lesley:

You guys have no idea how much I adored the giant card. It made me smile like crazy…and I always wanted one. Other than that, thanks for taking me in.=D Lots of purple, drinks and drunken moments in the future. Thank you so much. I love you guys. And I’m serious about putting it up on my wall.

To the person I love, Francis:

WOW

 Of all things, I did not expect you to do the things you did. Thanks for the flowers and chocolates. You somehow managed to pick out my favorites.=) My favorite flowers and chocolates aside, Thank you for the effort you put in for my day. Mostly for braving the letting my family in on a surprise you planned part. That meant the world to me, and that’s where most of the ‘wow’ comes in, since you’re not even really close to my family.Thank you sooo much for that.

I LOVE YOU.

[mariamyka]

I'm an "I Love You" slut (I say it a lot to a lot of people) but when I say those three words to you, I mean it with every fiber of my me. ♥

CoffeeConcepts

[mariamyka]

I wish you're here.

I freaking miss you.

[mariamyka]

Three Nights

I only had the courage to write this now, because I still had to get a grasp on what happened. For three nights this vacation, I was somewhat with you.  Those were the happiest and best days of my vacation this far. Being with you. If only you knew how much it meant for me to be just with you. I miss you all the time now. I like having your arm around my shoulder. I like it when we're just sitting right next to each other, no spaces in between. I like having my face pressed in your chest, and your arms wrapped around me. I like sharing food with you. I like how you pick me up and take me home. I like how safe I feel when you hug me. I like how you take me to places you frequently go to. I like how you very gently kiss me goodnight. I like how you are very patient with me. I like how you would go to places you'd prefer not going to, but you still go because I'm going there. I miss you all the time now. And that scares me, because if I get used of the feelings that I feel when I'm with you, I cannot survive not having you in my life. That's scary. And the worse thing is, you're like a drug to me. Being with you makes me high. It's like an addiction that if you're with me, I'm happy. And if you're not...I miss you all the time. I miss you all the time now. And I hope you miss me as much too. As always, I love you.

[mariamyka]

To my Mom and Dad:

Dear mom and dad:

my friends and I eat together without talking.We're THAT tired.So don't get mad if I'm not in the mood to talk on the phone. Also,I have my faith in God, but telling me to always pray does not help. I love God and all, but he won't write my papers for me.