I generally find swear words cheap and try not to use them in speech or writing or even in my own internal monologue, but last night I found out something that made me go "shit shit shit shit shit" to myself.
I'll preface by saying this is a very first-world-y problem, and as social dilemmas go, think in terms of Larry David and almost at a Curb Your Enthusasism level of reflecting of privilege.
Some friends of mine are getting married and invited me to their wedding, which will be June 6th, in a neighboring town so I don't actually have to travel or anything. They sent me an invitation quite a while ago and for some reason haven't pressed me for a response, which I badly owe them by now.
The thing is, the minute I saw their wedding day was June 6th, I'm a little ashamed to admit that my first thought was, "The next LessOnline had better not get scheduled for that weekend."
To explain this reaction, I'll clarify that (1) as is probably apparent from the way I wrote about last year's LessOnline, it was the highlight not only of my summer but perhaps my entire 2025. Well before the event itself was over, I was already looking forward to going again in 2026. And (2) the friends getting married are not super close friends of mine. We've known each other since spring of 2023; they live walking distance from me but I've rarely seen them over the years since one of them works in NYC and spends most of her time there, and her fiance works in another place altogether and seems to spend half his time with her in NYC. We have a warm relationship and have done each other a few major favors over the last few years. I'm happy that they're getting married and pleased that they chose to invite me to celebrate it with them, but there's nothing particularly exciting to me about the (probably very traditional) nature of the wedding itself, nor should I expect to know any of their other friends at the wedding. After their wedding, I'll probably never see them again since I'm probably moving this summer for my next job (there is some not-remote chance I'll stay right here and keep them in my life, because I recently was a finalist for a local job opening, but it's still not terribly likely), and they'll acquire the status of my many many transient passing not-super-close friends that I lose touch with eventually as my geographic situation continues to be on the move.
This whole time I've figured, I don't know how I would tell them I am choosing not to can't come to their wedding, if it's the same weekend as LessOnline. How do I tell them I'm choosing a conference on the other side of the country that has little to do with me professionally (unless by June I'm thinking once again of switching from academia to one of the high-powered rationalist-y careers I see represented there) over their celebration a 20-minute drive from me that they did me the honor of inviting me to? Pretty much nobody who knows me IRL knows of my interest in events like LessOnline or that I went last year, and I wouldn't mind too much in principle letting them know about it, but I do mind, say, my colleagues knowing about it (partly for Reasons) and it happens that I throw a big party every spring (I'm planning it for the middle of May this year) that these engaged friends usually make it to along with a bunch of my colleagues, where it would be sure to come up that I'm not going to their wedding and why.
Anyway, in a text message informally inviting me to the wedding, I said I was "hopeful" that I'd be able to go but that everything months from now felt really uncertain just because my job search situation creates a lot of uncertainty in my life. Really I wanted to buy myself a bit of time to verify that LessOnline wouldn't be that weekend. (It was the weekend of May 30th / June 1st last year, effectively a week earlier.)
And, I think you can guess what's actually happened here: I got an email yesterday notifying me that LessOnline has been set for the weekend of June 6th.
So, shit shit shit shit shit shit...
