#personal whinging

[pimentogirl]

spinal surgery officially sucks, bites ass and deserves to be shot... but at least I can sit up and type and draw.  :-)

[gingerahoy]

So while I was away my mother inexplicably took it upon herself to sort out all my clothing into different drawers, completely changing my organisation system. She has consequently therefore definitely found my vibrator and I don’t know what to do with this situation except cry inside in transfixed horror. We’re certainly not going to talk about it.

FML.

[mybooksandlittlemore]

Not a very good day. Bad I would say. 26 days till my holiday time. Too many

[kajedheat]

Monday: someone backs into my car

Midnight Sunday: Apartment floods

Today: apparently a whole flock of birds eats Taco Bell all over my windshield to the point it impacts visibility. Go to car wash…my car sides leak now????? And not the side that was hit

Placing bets on what happens next

[greyspeckledwalls]

Why must I be awake and have a job and sit upright and do work? Why is it not enough for me to lie in bed and sleep? Who do I need to speak to about this?

[lew-basnight]

I keep coming back to trying to write that stupid post and it’s just never going to be not be shitty and dumb

A month or so ago my therapist said, after I digressed about something that literally matters not at all, “do you think. Do you think maybe you think too much?” She really did add that long pause

And I felt like screaming YES I KNOW I THINK TOO MUCH WHY DO YOU THINK WEVE BEEN HAVING THESE LITTLE CHATS the fucking question is can you help me get my brain to just shut the fuck up for a minute

I wish I could go back to biking everywhere for work in Chicago. Because if your brain won’t shut the fuck up? Navigating at speed through cars and buses who all want to kill you? Clears the mind like nothing else. You are not thinking about anything other than not getting smeared. I would get home and feel golden, heroic, refreshed and lighter

[lastgirlsonearth]

I’m just. Not going to pursue a diagnosis anymore. I’m tired of being told by a different specialist every time that they found nothing and I should go see another specialist (frequently one that I’ve seen before) while they also condescendingly explain to me that it’s good that they found nothing and have I tried exercise or physical therapy? It’s choreographed now. I cry at or after every appointment. It’s been seven years. I’m done and I will die in the hole provided for me.

I’ve never been one to repeat motivating phrases to myself, but I have to say, I’m getting surprising amounts of traction from “If it’s happening, it should happen.” It actually helps me deal with bad things, even the things that have been bad for a long time. Don’t be like me, kids.

[gingerahoy]

So my parents moved a load of furniture around in my room without particular forewarning and a very carefully placed pen drive which I put on my chest of drawers has disappeared. Completely. Just gone. All my Egyptian literature which was copied from library books... it’s all just gone. Poof. Disappeared.

I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m going to have to tear everything apart to find it, I know it’s in this room somewhere. And if it isn’t, somehow... I am so fucked.