Restart. As many times as it takes.
When I started this journey, the FIRST time, it was because life had gotten the better of me after college. I mean, after having my second child my senior year of college, I dropped all the baby fat and was in the best shape of my life and the smallest I have ever been at 4 ft 8, 112 lbs, wearing size 1 since my hips spread more and I couldn’t fit in anything smaller even if I tried really freaking hard.haha
It took me just 6 months to get to the heaviest I have ever been. Even heavier than when I was pregnant (either time). I was 4 ft 8 weighing 150. Flash forward to 4 years later, and I still have the BS in Kinesiology (in other words the education to know what I need to do in order to succeed and stay on track with my health and wellness), though I still don’t have “ACSM CPT” next to my name just yet.
I got back on track for almost a full year, lost 20 lbs, then one day I finally go in to take my exam to become a personal trainer...and I fail. By 4 points. This set my mind in a negative for at least a week. I tried to stay busy cleaning, trying to find a way back to work, finding a babysitter, anything but taking care of myself. It destroyed me, made me question everything I’ve done because I knew the info like the back of my hand. I’ve studied this for 9 years of my life, and I should have passed it. I’m not even sure what I missed or if I need to just move on because I have no clue what I’m talking about.
I know this is what I want to do, and this is what I’m going to do. Starting with me.
Right now, I have gained back all the 20 lbs had lost and am at 150 lbs again. There’s nowhere to go but up (or down if we’re looking at it weight wise). Though I do have to say, THROW OUT THE SCALES YALL. They won’t help your mentality and can hinder your fat loss by checking frequently as it does tend to stress people out. Stress can easily = weight gain or a stalemate in loss. (Reason I don’t own one because this happened to me)
I know these journeys can be complicated, confusing, heartbreaking, hard, and yet, oh so rewarding. I had the positivity, the confidence, the fuel, and the fire to encourage others to start their own journeys. Then, I fell off. I refuse to let that happen again. It’s been 2 months since I have had a great workout, 2 months since I’ve stretched. 2 months since I felt okay and felt like me. I don’t ever want to not feel like myself, I never want to have that negativity or the anxiety and depression that has crept its way back into my life and mind. I keep blaming it on work and all the things I have to do in a day all by myself while taking care of 6 animals and 2 kids. But it’s all on me. I need to hold myself accountable and I will from now on. Today starts my journey. I’ve set up a schedule for my physical and mental health, for my studying, for my blogging and side hustles, and even for taking care of my home. Today I am in control and I will get back on track and show everyone that I believe in myself and what I am capable of.
Throughout my entire fitness, spiritual, and mental health issues and through all my schooling and studying I’ve only had a few people at my side who believed in me still. After failing that test I had just one, my sister, because I didn’t even believe in me. That stops now. I have a Facebook accountability group and my own private fitness journey Instagram pretty much for myself to keep me accountable.
Remember: “You is Kind, You is Smart, You is Important”
This was supposed to post for #SelfCareSunday but it didn’t due to our power outage lol
Have a great week, and pretend this Monday is a Friday state of mind babes.
