My depression post showed up on my dash when I logged into Tumblr. I wrote that towards the end of first year. Everything was awful. Medicine had once again beaten every ounce of compassion, empathy, and scientific curiosity out of me. Because that’s what the American medical education system does. It views trainees as little more than warm bodies and the cheapest means to keep the hospital running. There is obviously some benefit to the learner to see patient volume. I’m not denying that. But this should not occur at the expense of the learner’s mental health. That’s where I was.
Life has gotten so much better now that I’ve finished the bulk of my clinical education. I have time to read and study about the patients I see. I’m allowed to tailor my education to suit my career aspirations rather than being forced into the mold that helps the hospital and clinics to function. I have time to read the trials I hear discussed in clinics and tumor boards. My empathy and compassion have returned, as has my innate sense of curiosity. It’s a good feeling.
I guess the whole point in me writing this has been to document to myself and all the others who likely are going through the same situational depression that things change. It gets better.
Take care of yourself out there.
