#ph cosplayer

[moeruaesthetic]

looking for shop ambassador!!!

Looking for cosplayers in the Philippines to market and recommend my shop.

Kindly send us an email so that we can discuss! 

[email protected]

[ririebaby]

The reason why I decided to take a break (or quit) from cosplaying

I started cosplaying when I was still in highschool. I was so innocent back then but the community was still a lot more friendlier than it is today. I looked forward to every upcoming event, too excited to see my friends. There were so many great cosplayers that time that I look up to, cosplayers who do a lot of effort to portray the characters that they love which made me feel inspired.

I used to think that I cosplay to escape the pain I feel everyday. I never felt appreciated ever since I was young. I was told to think about what others would feel before doing anything and appearance is important. I had to do my best to please other people. I get compared to anyone no matter hard I try. I only feel alive and appreciated when I cosplay that’s why I never gave up even though my mother told me to stop cosplaying a lot of times. I thought I’ll be doing this a little longer

After a short time, the ph cosplay community grew bigger. At first, I was happy because I thought I can gain more friends because a lot of people are showing interest in the hobby that I love. Turns out that it would also be the reason for me to lose some of my friends who left me for someone new. I tried to meet more people because that’s the best thing when you cosplay– you meet people with the same interests! But I don’t know why– the more people I meet, the more I feel that I’m just alone. But even though I feel alone, I still didn’t give up because I love cosplaying and I know that there are still people out there who supports me.

There are people who thinks I’m intimidating and scary, but I never corrected them. I let them think that way so that they won’t be too comfortable with me. I don’t like being used that’s why I intentionally built the boundary between me and the others, I don’t want anyone to be too close because it would break me of they left me again. I tried to believe that everyone is temporary so that I won’t be affected anymore if they found someone new.

The reason why I cosplay was already being unclear to me. I tried to think of a reason why I cosplay but I can’t find it. I don’t feel appreciated anymore, I don’t have any friends that would make me feel excited for the next upcoming event, I don’t see the hardworking senpais anymore. I thought I would feel special as long as I cosplay, but they just crushes my self-esteem more than it is already. I felt more insecure about myself than I was before. I felt more useless, replaceable, and talentless. I just realized that no one would care about anyone unless they are pretty or sexy. But I’m just someone who has a noisy social media.

I thought people cosplay for some reasons but recently I think that they’re just doing this to look famous. A lot of cosplayers just go to events just to have their picture taken but they don’t evem care about anything or anyone. Some people sees this as a beauty contest, favoring the pretty cosplayers and ignoring the less attractive cosplayers who puts a lot of effort in what they do.

I don’t feel happy whenever I go to cosplay events anymore, it just makes me feel tired and irritated. Seeing the cosplay community in another country made me feel happy and inspired again, but coming back in my own country just made me feel lifeless. Nobody might know that I tried to kill myself a lot of times, but they will always laugh about my insecurities and tell me to just die. I hope I can just die. But I don’t want to die yet– so I don’t want to break myself than it is today. That is the reason why I decided to quit the hobby I loved– to prevent myself from crumbling down into pieces while I’m trying to pick up the broken pieces I lost before.

Performing on stage with my Dream Catchers made me feel alive again-- the stage has that kind of effect on me. Being with them while performing made me feel soooo happy. But after everything, I think I don't have the confidence to perform anymore. I'm too scared to be judged again just because I'm fat even after I gave all my effort for the performance-- just because appearance is all that matters.

I don’t know if this will be a temporary break or if I’ll be saying goodbye to cosplaying already