Discover Top Posts Tagged with #phantomsong

Why Linwood Twick is Banned from Walmart

((This is the story that I read as a presentation for my college class! I wanted to wait until I’d actually done the presentation to post it. I hope you enjoy!))

It was a wonderful day to go to the store, at least, it would have been had Phantomsong not been forced to bring along a certain pair of creatures; the anthropomorphic pink fox known as Linwood, one of the most troublesome entities he had ever had the displeasure of meeting let alone living in the same house as, and Cam, an omniscient being who no one had ever seen the true body of as he was always covered in his cloak and bird skull mask. In a perfect world, Song would have gone there alone. He always enjoyed time to himself. And getting out of the house, away from all of the residents, was a nice way to do that. Except that Linwood had needed to get out of the house too. Therefore Song had had to bring him along. And since Linwood was coming, so was Cam. He swore, the two never left each other’s sight.

Fortunate for him, it wasn't too crowded there at all. Linwood whistled as he and Cam floated behind Song. "Kinda forgot how big humans like to make everything."

"You act like some of your monsters didn't turn out huge," Song retorted as he grabbed a cart, "specifically the robbers."

"Yeah, but they weren't intended to get so big. That just kinda happened on its own. I like my monsters nice and compact, like Cam here." He pat Cam on the back with force.

The creature didn't react visibly, although with the bird's skull emoting would've been a bit difficult. "If you feel the need to hit me again, do so. I'd rather it be me than anyone else, you'd knock them over."

"You talk to him like he's your charge or something," Song called over his shoulder. Linwood ran forward and leapt into the basket, landing in a crisscross applesauce position and facing the masked man. He skidded to a halt, breathing staggard. "L-Linwood."

Linwood gave a toothy grin. "You speak as if he's more than a child," Cam deadpanned, ignoring Song's surprise. He floated over and patted Linwood on the head between his antlers. "He doesn't very well know his own strength as I do."

"Pfff, I'm not strong! You woulda fell if I was, right?"

"Case in point."

Song's pinpricks flitted between them before he continued to walk. "Let's just get this overwith. The sooner we get you two back, the less of a chance there is for you to mess up this chance."

The fox reclined, tucking his hands behind his head and closing his eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Keep pushin'."

Song exhaled through his nose, but said nothing. Cam also floated wordlessly beside the cart. Linwood quickly shifted from his position, leaning forward and clasping onto the rim. "Where're we goin' first?"

"Milk. It's at the back of the store. Then we'll get meat, eggs..." He continued on down the list, but Linwood was already bored by the third item.

He glanced around at the people shopping around them. Some were giving the trio odd looks. A child pointed at him and started talking to her mother, who was distracted with a product on the shelf. "Mommy, mommy look! A big funny animal man!"

"Hm?"

Realizing she was turning to see what her daughter was looking at, he adjusted his position and ensured that he and Cam were only visible to children at that moment. The mother spotted Song from afar, and turned back to her daughter. "That wasn't very nice, young lady! He doesn't look like an animal at all! I thought I taught you better than this!"

"But-"

Song stopped when he noticed Linwood whistling nonchalantly. The woman came over to them. "Sir, I'm terribly sorry about my daughter. She speaks without thinking."

"Excuse me?"

At that moment, Linwood allowed her to see him. "You're fiiiinnneee, really! He looks plenty like an animal."

At his sudden appearance, she let out a scream and took a few steps back. Song looked at Linwood, then at her, then at Linwood again. "Ma'am-"

But by the time his attention was back on her, she was scampering over to her cart and starting to push it in the opposite direction of them. He glared at Linwood. "You're not allowed to shift your visibility in public anymore."

"But it's fuuunnnn," Linwood whined.

"When we get home, Linwood."

"There's no fun in doing it at home! Everyone's either a kid or used to me by now!"

Song rolled his eyes. He had a feeling that he was going to be doing that a lot today.

They arrived at the dairy section. “Oooh, that’s a lotta milk,” Linwood observed, looking in the freezer doors. “Two whole cows of milk at least.”

“Yes, they need a lot of milk because a lot of people buy milk,” Cam calmly explained.

“I think there’s a bit more than two cows’ worth of milk here,” Song said, opening one of the fridge doors. He reached for a gallon, only to find a pink paw swiftly moving towards the handle. He turned to glare at the fox. Linwood was standing on the rim of the basket and leaning forward, one leg extended behind him like a ballerina. “Sit down,” he instructed with an exasperated sigh.

To his dismay, Linwood did take a seat, but rather than where he was before, he floated over and sat right on top of the milk Song was reaching for, looking very, very satisfied. “No- Linwood. The basket. Sit back down in the basket.” Before Linwood could move, he corrected, “Our shopping cart’s basket. The actual basket part.”

Linwood blew a raspberry in his direction and floated back over the basket in a crisscross applesauce position, keeping his eyes locked with Song’s the entire time. He slowly descended into the cart until he made contact with the cart. He allowed his tail to hang over the side. Song walked up to him and held the milk out. “Hold this in your lap, do not move it around, hold it still.”

He took the jug and placed it in his lap. “And I don’t want to hear you using it as a drum.” Linwood slowly lowered his paws with a disappointed look on his face.

“But sitting in the cart and doing nothing is boring!”

“You can’t cause any trouble that way. Besides, if you’re really that bored, can’t you imagine up something for you to do?”

“What’s the fun in that?”

The man rolled his eyes at that. Cam silently watched the two converse.

Song looked to him. “You know everything, how do I get him to stop?”

“What are you wanting him to stop?”

“Just… being such a… such a troublemaker, I don’t know.”

“He’s being who he is, Milo. That’s all. However, if you wish to pacify him, you need to give him something to do.”

Song blinked. “And what pray tell do I give him?”

“If I tell you, then things won’t go as they should. You have to figure it out on your own.”

“Will I though, that’s the question.”

But Cam didn’t respond. Song tried not to groan in frustration. Sometimes having this creature who knew everything with them was worse than being surrounded by people who knew nothing, purely because he often chose to withhold his knowledge like this.

He looked at the fox. Linwood really was just a child at heart. Under a different influence he may have turned out a bit differently, but as he was he supposed he didn’t mean any harm. He just wanted to have fun, that was all. But his idea of fun didn’t line up with others’. Especially since it often resulted in harm coming to the environment, or those in the environment.

Perhaps giving him something fun to do would help divert his attention. He did have the attention span of a goldfish after all. Even now he had become completely distracted with counting the holes in the basket loudly. Cam was looking at him knowingly. He sighed. “Alright, let’s detour to the toy aisle.”

“You had me at toy!” Linwood cried out, immediately looking up at Song. Cam gave a nod of approval.

Once they had reached the toys, it didn’t take very long at all for him to find something for Linwood. This was mainly due to the fact that he stood up in the basket to try and grab it. “Shiny,” he said, reaching for a plush covered in reversible sequins.

“Sit back down in the cart,” Song instructed, and grabbed it for him. He handed it to him and Linwood did as he was asked.

He flipped the sequins back and forth. The bubbles floating around his antlers grew bigger and stayed around a lot longer. He grinned. “Blue, green. Blue, green. Blue. Green. Blue green. Blue….. and green!” He continued on and on. Song began to push the cart. That is, until he heard a loud crash behind him. He flinched at the noise and looked back to see several Lego sets, action figures, boxes, puzzles, and other paraphernalia scattered around, with Cam standing, or floating, a few inches above it.

“Oops,” Cam said.

Song hissed through his teeth. He turned his attention to Linwood. The figment was still sufficiently distracted with the toy. He’d stopped speaking, but he was still changing the colors. His hand was little more than a pink blur now. He didn’t want to risk him doing anything with what Cam had knocked over. He left him be, but kept an ear out.

He made his way to Cam and his mess. “I thought I’d have more trouble from Linwood than you,” he sighed. He knelt down and picked up an action figure.

Once Song was distracted, Cam waved his cloaked arm. Linwood didn’t see it, too distracted with the toy. He softly tapped his skull once, then twice. Linwood’s ear flicked and his eyes slowly slid up towards him. The cloaked being gestured ever so subtly to Song on the ground. Linwood blinked once, then twice. Then he grinned.

Cam continued to float. Song looked up at him, squinting in frustration. “Don’t just float there, get down and help me! You’re the one who made the mess.” He went back to his cleaning. Cam gently descended to the ground and collected some of the fallen items with his arms. He moved to the location of the Lego sets and started to set them back up. He chanced a glance over to the cart. Linwood was gone. Excellent. It was just as it should be.

Linwood jetted joyfully through the building. Oh Cam, if only he knew how much Linwood appreciated him. He stopped mid-flight, the world around him seeming to freeze. “Wait, he does know. He knows everything,” he said. He shrugged and continued his journey. First up was the grocery side of the store. This was mainly because Song would quickly find him if he started anywhere else. All of the groceries were on the opposite side of the store, and he could cause chaos without it being noticed for too long. Well, without it being noticed by the immortal, at least. There was no fun in causing chaos if someone didn’t notice it.

The sound of a child crying met his ears. He landed on the ground near the bread aisle and peered down it. There was indeed a young boy throwing a tantrum in the cart. His dad was trying in vain to calm him down. Linwood was about to adjust his visibility, but then remembered that he wasn’t allowed to anymore. Great. He tapped his chin with the plush animal, then looked at it in surprise. He’d forgotten that he had this thing. He shook his head. He wouldn’t use this, no chaos in giving a child a toy. An opened box of cookies, though…

He floated along, searching for the snack aisle. He wouldn’t worry about losing track of the child, as long as he kept crying Linwood could find him anywhere. He knew that just opening a box of cookies was really simple and wouldn’t do much, but he hadn’t gotten a chance like this for ages. Probably best to warm up with something small. He grabbed the first package of cookies he came across and, looking left and right to assure no one was watching, he ripped it open and began ascending. A bit risky to fly so high, but he’d done this before when he rained fish down on the city. He knew what he was doing. Kinda.

He hovered over the bread aisle once he arrived. He grabbed a bubble from near his antlers, inserted the cookies into it, and allowed them to lower into the young boy’s lap. He blinked in surprise when the bubble popped. Realizing there were cookies, however, he took one and began eating it, completely calming down in a matter of seconds. His father watched in sheer confusion and horror, grabbing the cookies with his eyes darting around as if he’d just heard a gunshot. Linwood sat on top of the shelf, just out of his view, and chuckled to himself.

“HEY!” The livid shout of one of the employees sounded from the next aisle over. She was staring up at him, an expression of confusion and frustration on her face. “You need to get down right now!” He looked her right in the eye, and began to run.

As his paws hit the things on the shelf they fell down. A box hit a customer on the head. The employee shouted up at him, but he didn’t stop. He didn’t stop going. He kept running, and running, until everything that was once up on the top of the shelf was on the floor. When he ran out of shelf to run on, he leapt and, using his powers, floated himself over to the next shelf. Humans had begun to watch him. Another employee ran off to get a manager. And Linwood couldn’t be happier.

He ran down that shelf, toppling more and more things over. People nearby gasped as he jumped down from from the tops. He landed in an awkward position, but quickly pulled himself up and kept running. He was right near the clothing department. ‘Sweet!’ he thought, going to the nearest table. He looked over his shoulder. There were employees right on his tail. He shrugged and grabbed the edge of the table, spinning it towards them at full force. It was a bit difficult with him still holding the plush, but he managed. He flew up so that he appeared to be jumping quite high, then landed on top of the jean wall.

A nearby manager who had witnessed this slowly lifted his walkie talkie to his mouth. “We… have a situation,” he said, his voice cracking. “Turns out that Emily wasn’t lying. There’s actually a giant anthropomorphic fox running around.”

He lifted his thumb off of the talk button. “Can we get the cops in here?” came Emily’s voice.

A second voice could be heard through the walkie talkie. “I’m coming out there, hold on,” said a third manager.

By this time, Linwood had managed to knock all of the jeans off of the top of the jean wall. One of the employees gazed up at him. Her lip trembled and her eyes watered. “But I’d just finished folding them all...” she whined. He pointed fingerguns at her and flew off.

He stopped at every table, just to pull up as many shirts as he could and throw them across the store so that they landed on various racks, other tables, or the ground. Every single time, the associates, and soon, the police, tried to grab him, but he would always fly out of their grasps.

Meanwhile, back in the toy aisle, Song had realized that Linwood was being quiet, due to the fact that he wasn’t currently there. A few employees had arrived and the mess was well on its way to being clean. That allowed for Song to not feel so bad when he had to drag Cam along to figure out where Linwood had gotten off to. They made their way across the store, Song calling out for him.

“Is it going to be hard to find him?” Song asked just before he saw the carnage.

Shirts were everywhere. Boxes of food were on the floor. People were murmuring amongst themselves. Children were crying. Shelves were out of place. One employee near the jeans was bawling her eyes out.

Song said nothing for the first few seconds. He couldn’t say anything. He just stood there in absolute shock. That shock gradually turned to a feeling of ‘I should have expected this to happen the moment I left Linwood alone in the cart.’ And then he saw the boy himself. Linwood skidded to a halt on thin air as soon as he and Song locked eyes.

He floated there for several seconds. “Uh-” he started, but didn’t have time to finish when one of the employees who had been chasing him ran into him. And then one ran into her. And two ran into him. And it kept going until every single employee who had been in on the chase ran into him. He was frozen stiff for several seconds. He looked over his shoulder at the pile of groaning, moaning people. And then he turned back to Song and Cam. Cam clapped politely for him. When Song cast him a sideways glare, he lowered his hands.

“Let’s leave the store,” Song said, his voice shaky with the rage he was repressing.

The trip home was a quiet one. None of the three said a word. Song was simply too angry to want any conversation whatsoever. If Linwood opened his mouth, Song just glared at him, a look that burned with the heat of a thousand suns, until he closed it again. And Cam wasn’t very prone to speaking unless Linwood was. It was only when they entered the front door of the house that Linwood was finally able to get a word in. “Soooo….” he said, “How much trouble am I in…?”

“I don’t know,” Song said, “Why don’t you tell me?” Rather than sounding angry, as Linwood expected, he sounded absolutely calm. There wasn’t even irritation in his voice. Linwood felt chills ran up and down his spine.

“U-uh, none?” he said.

“Oh, I’d think a bit more than that.” He turned. His arms were folded across his chest. Despite the mask, Linwood could see the pure and utter lividness in his expression. The way his pinpricks barely flickered at all, how still he was, just everything about his demeanor was enough to tell how enraged he was. And yet, none of it could be heard in his voice. Linwood’s limbs and tail went completely limp. The bubbles around his antlers stopped forming. His ears were pressed back against his head.

“I honestly don’t know what I expected. I should have seen it coming. You asked him to distract me, didn’t you?” Song continued.

“Nuh-uh!” Linwood protested. “H-he did that on his own, I didn’t-”

But Song was pressing his fingers against where the bridge of his nose should have been. “I don’t want to hear any excuses. You can’t excuse what you did. Every single thing you’ve done in the world of mortals is inexcusable. Stop it.”

Linwood reached a paw up. Song mirrored the action. “I am not done.” The fox nodded and pulled it to his chest.

“You made a huge mess. You got several people injured with that pileup. Several people who were presumably chasing after you because you were making such a mess. People are going to have to clean up after you. They never asked for this. I’m pretty sure I saw one girl crying. So, other than excuses, have you anything to say for yourself? For what you’ve done? At all?”

Linwood inhaled. “Look, I… I know I caused a lot of trouble today. And a lot of other times too. Uhh, for a long time.” He cleared his throat. “B-but! I know now that it’s not right.”

“Is that so,” Song deadpanned. Cam didn’t say a thing.

“Yeah! Of course! And I feel really bad. I’m sorry. I’ll take whatever punishment you give me with dignity! More or less, eheh.” He added the last part quietly, but Song seemingly didn’t hear it.

“Well. I’m going to go get Answer. If you’re actually going to take the punishment, you’ll stay here.” Without another word he walked into the kitchen.

As soon as he was out of earshot, Cam turned to Linwood. “Show it to me,” Cam said.

Linwood grinned and held out a bubble filled with water. A goldfish was floating inside of it. “Ohhh, we’re gonna have a lot of fun,” Linwood said, his voice raising in pitch.

#phantomsong

Trending Tags

Recently Viewed Tags

#phantomsong