Outshine the Sun: an Aephorul/Resh'an writing playlist.
I've been listening to this pretty much nonstop; some of the songs are character-specific, some are pairing-centric, and some just capture a certain mood. I've been tweaking the track order to get it perfect when you listen to it from start to finish (and maybe it'll give you some idea of what I'm hoping to do with the series), but you can also just put it on shuffle and deal with the fact that my music tastes are irrevocably late 90s/early 00s alt/pop rock flavored.
Let's Get a Little Bit Nasty (Aephorul):
Feel Good Inc - Gorrilaz
The version I've been listening to is a college a capella recording, but the original works just as well. It's that feeling of standing on the edge of a precipice while the world goes to hell around you. Also a great song for an evil lair.
Idol - K-Pop Demon Hunters
I refuse to apologize, it's a fucking bop and you know it.
Aephorul is not at all interested in being saved. :'''') Erlina and Brugaves frankly didn't stand a chance.
Gold, Guns, Girls - Metric
I remember when we were gambling to win/Everybody else said better luck next time
Is it ever gonna be enough?
How 'Bout Now - LuLuYam
Please don't leave me broken hearted/We could finish what we started
So how 'bout now, both you and I/ fall in love and die together, 'cuz it feels so right
Demons - Guster (Cover by Joe Bray)
(The correct version of this song is forever and always the V8's a capella version.)
Honest is easy/fiction's where genius lies/because it's easier sometimes not to be sincere/somehow I make you believe
This one might be a little on the nose for "guy who lies about committing genocide several times for his boyfriend", but it's my quintessential Aephorul song. (It has to be a cover, though, because I genuinely can't stand the original). The cover I found on youtube by Joe Bray is pretty good- a little uptempo, doesn't neglect the electric guitar, changes up the harmony to make it less whiny.
Hiking Glacial Peak on foot? Only an animal would do that.
From the Terranigma remix album, a great track for when you're climbing an icy mountain on your own. Also a great song to fight god to.
The Tower of Time - Eric Brown (The Messenger)
Road trip to the void. It's a little cold and sterile and mysterious out here, but there's a thread of hopefulness, too.
The Sacrosanct Spires - Eric Brown (Sea of Stars)
This is a lonely place for a revelation; it didn't have to be this way.
Outsider - Chumbawamba
Songs for leaving your keys Vial of Time on the counter and getting lost in the Void. Also a reminder: there are so many more lives at stake than just the two of you. You can't forget them.
Sunk Cost Fallacy
The Flag - Barenaked Ladies
They're complicated people leading complicated lives/and he complicates their problems telling complicated lies
I've used this song a lot for toxic relationships in the past; the bass is so hauntingly gorgeous under this really horrifying description of emotional and sexual violence. It's total war; even in surrender, there aren't any survivors. (Bonus bird references, 'cuz I'm cheap like that.)
No one, no one, no one has won the war
The Boy's Gone - Jason Mraz
What will happen to a face in the crowd when it finally gets too crowded?
It's over. It has to be over.
This is How it Goes - Missy Higgins
I'll get angry your words and I'll go home/
And you won't call after me, yeah/
'Cause I'll be back before you know, you know
Maybe it's not as over as it should be.
We used to be perfect
Lovers In a Dangerous Time - Barenaked Ladies
Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight/Gotta kick at the darkness til it bleeds daylight
Mine is a tale of forbidden love. After becoming alchemists, we set out to create the Elixir of Life, so that we could live until society became more accepting.
On the nose again, but, well. It's a gorgeous song. Remember what we went through? Remember why we did this?
Aquí Te Cuido - Reyna Tropicale
Ey, ¿y si un día no estuvieras aquí?
Por eso tengo que hacerlo sin ti
Para mí, para mí
(Resh'an to Aephorul; lets ignore the drama, just let me take care of you)
(maybe there's no timeline where he never leaves)
Sunrise - Norah Jones
Looks like morning in your eyes
Surprise, surprise/never sonething I could hide/when I see we've made it through another day
(Aephorul to Resh'an; time stops when I'm with you)
(what if we pretend it's not too late, for just a little longer)
You've Got the Love - Florence and the Machine
(There's a reason the two of them belong together.)
Sooner or later in life, the things you love, you lose
Take Me As I Am - October Project
Even if you shine a light into the mirror/
You won't see me any clearer
(It's because no one else in the goddamn multiverse would put up with either of them.)
Hang my heart in the sky/ (see it Outshine the Sun)
Meeting Outside Time - Eric Brown (Sea of Stars)
The classic. How many of us have this scene memorized? How many times did I listen to this on repeat while writing Loser Takes All? You don't even want to know.
Someone once theorized that the sort of meandering, conversational synth sounds are Resh'an's voice, while the organ that interrupts is meant to be Aephorul's response, which I love.
The Great Archives - Eric Brown (Sea of Stars)
Welcome to the Great Archives, adventurer. I suppose curiosity brought you here. An important trait, to be sure. I am The Archivist, an immortal versed in the ways of alchemy.
But perhaps you knew that already?
(The other song I listened to on repeat while writing Loser Takes All.)
Dreaming Still - Jillian Aversa (Chrono Cross Radical Dreamers)
You're there beside me in my deepest dreams/The ghost of all the weight I feel with you
Resh'an's dreaming is keeping them both awake; Resh'an's love for Aephorul is keeping the universe from moving on.
Show me how love's supposed to feel/So that I won't be dreaming
Where's the Girl? - The Scarlet Pimpernell OBC
Don't forget, I know who you are/We were cut from the same surly star/Like two jewels in the sky sharing fire
Ignore the heteronormativity and just appreciate the toxicity, okay?
There were dreams that were worth dying for
Rabbit Heart - Florence and the Machine
This is a gift, it comes with a price/who is the lamb and who is the knife?
Eventually, I figured he would have to stop if I never recovered my vial, but here we are in need of it.
Save Scumming, chapters 1-4.
Echoes of Wonder, Shadows of Dread
Yeah, we all have this scene memorized, too. Another one with two "voices" in conversation; two sides to this story. Save Scumming, chapter 7.
Calculation Theme - Metric
Tonight, your ghost will ask my ghost/Who put these bodies between us?
(The sequel; my goal is to finish before the end of summer.)
Another nod to SoS's many homages to Crono Trigger. Nostalgic and heartbreaking; picking up the pieces, over and over and over again.
Song for a Friend - Jason Mraz
He's the reason that I'm laughing, even if there's no one else/You've got to love yourself
I have not completely given up on Aephorul, and even sometimes wonder if part of his actions were not simply to give me purpose, so that my own soul would not be lost.
Climb up, over the top, survey the state of the soul/You've got to find out for yourself/whether or not you're truly trying/Oh it's you I love, I love, I love it's you
okay, so this is a small, shitty example of the word "soft" in this WIP, but this ask *did* prompt me to write another 1500ish words for this story, so here we go!
Tiny excerpt from "Calculation Theme", which is the sequel to Save Scumming. Resh'an and Aephorul yell at each other and sulk for 10k words and counting.
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Resh'an touched his face gently, tracing a mass of scar tissue with his thumb. "You don't have to pretend," he said softly. "If this isn't what you want me to see right now—"
Rage, soothing, familiar, and easy, clouded his vision for a moment, and he jerked his head away from Resh'an's touch. "Don't," he hissed. "Do not, for even one fraction of a second, think that I am going to sit here and let you pity me."
"I'm not—"
"Shut up." Resh'an didn't want to talk, so they weren't going to talk. Aephorul took hold of Resh'an with his hands and his tentacles and kissed him with a mouth full of needled teeth.
For the fanfiction WIP Ask a word thing, uhhhh, my word is "kitchen."
The tricky part with this one is that I had to find a bit of a WIP that I haven't shared yet anywhere. I think this one qualifies.
Modern AU, Staycation: Saturday; Saturday isn't even a real story, honestly. This bit is as far as it goes, and it's really meant to serve as more of a bridge between Work/Life Balance and the rest of Staycation.
This cuts off before it gets nsfw, sorry. That kitchen table is turning into a character in its own right. XD
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“You've been having a hard time waking up lately,” he observed when Resh'an finally stumbled into the kitchen, bleary eyed. Yesterday morning, when Resh'an hadn't even made it out of bed before Aephorul left for work, wasn't normal- but it had been happening with some regularity in recent days.
“It's the weekend, I'm allowed to sleep in.” Resh'an shuffled to the coffeemaker. Aephorul frowned at him. “What? New meds, you know how it goes. If it doesn't get better in a few weeks, I'll get the dosage adjusted.”
“Which one is it?”
“Don't remember,” Resh'an sighed as he poured himself a cup of coffee. He pulled a chair around so he could lean against Aephorul. “Just leave it alone, okay? I'm fine. What's this?”
He rubbed at Resh'an's back a little, and kissed him on the temple. He'd go through the notes from Resh'an's last psych appointment later. “Thinking about ropes.” He showed Resh'an some of the little stick figure diagrams he'd been doodling in various bondage scenarios.
“Mmm. For you or for me?” Resh'an picked up the pencil and started fleshing in some of the stick figures and adding a few diagrams of his own.
He shrugged. “Either.” His leg made some of the poses impossible, but Resh'an was still remarkably bendy when he wanted to be. “I kind of want to hook up the suspension rig later this week.”
Resh'an looked a little more alert at that. “We haven't used it in a while.”
“I know." It was usually more convenient to just make an appointment with Iron Hood, and use the suspension equipment at The Tower. But going to the club might mean running into Erlina and her pet himbo, and Aephorul wasn't sure he wanted to deal with that this week. "It was just a thought. I figured we could do a few photoshoots, if you're up for it."
“Mm. That would be nice, actually. Ropes for you and needles for me, maybe?” Resh'an began decorating one of the blocky figures with a series of swirls composed of short lines. “Yeah. Let's do that- give me a few days to do some more sketches. Let me do your hair, too?”
“Whatever you want.” Resh'an was always good about making sure Aephorul didn't see any of the pictures, afterwards.
Resh'an narrowed his eyes slightly. He always got suspicious when Aephorul was agreeable about anything.
Aephroul met his stare evenly, and took a sip of his coffee. “You should make yourself breakfast.”
“Have you eaten?”
Aephorul let himself smile, slowly and with teeth. “I'm about to.”
The kitchen table was sturdy, and such a convenient height. Resh'an's shirt tangled his arms, keeping them bound together above his head as he lay stretched out across the table. Aephorul sat back down in his chair, between Resh'an's legs.
"Don't think this gets you out of eating lunch later." Resh'an's voice was a little strained, but he lifted his hips helpfully so Aephorul could slide his pajama pants down and out of the way.
"Of course not," he said, in the same, even, agreeable tone of voice. "I wouldn't dream of it."
I saw this today at the stationary store and I thought of you. Aephorul out here trying to win over his immortal situationship with tastefully selected valentines cards 🙏👁🫀
*wheezing* oh my GOD.
Resh'an, opening the box of "chocolates" that accompany the card:
Bad enough that it's a box full of eyeballs, but then they all start wiggling, and now he's gotta be responsible for this tiny flock of baby abominations.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Aephorul/Resh'an, Modern AU
Rate E, 3.7k words
in MY ass eating fic??? girl.
-or-
Under-negotiated bdsm scene in which the sub is forced to make eye contact and internalize a compliment.
-or-
Resh'an is trying to get the hang of this 'dating' thing. It's going fine. Really.
(Set a few weeks after gotta start somewhere)
When the characters are already in a relationship and still pining, it's just *fist clench* my favorite fucking thing.
Notes below the cut! Turns out I have a lot of things to say about this one.
This, as with so many things, was supposed to be a drabble. The beginning and ending of this one changed pretty radically over the course of writing it, but I did get to keep my favorite bits. (Mostly the "It's gross/I'm gross/You are gross" exchange, because it makes me laugh. To be clear, though, Aephorul is really not being particularly extreme in the grand scheme of things. And Resh'an isn't so much thrown by Aephorul being a little bit of a freak as he is by the fact that that freakiness is an expression of Aephorul's desire for him.)
-I sort of wanted to get more into Resh'an's backstory here, but at the same time I also feel like a lot of things are better off left unsaid. And Resh'an very much does not want to think about his ex-boyfriend while his current boyfriend is trying to have sex with him, so this kind of turned into an exercise in writing around the things Resh'an isn't ready/willing to deal with.
-(The reader's digest version: he was sixteen, his 'boyfriend' was twenty seven, and it was Bad in all the ways that one might expect in that sort of situation. He's twenty-two now, and really doesn't think he should still be so hung up on all of that bullshit. That was a lifetime ago. He's a different person now. He's a real person now. It will still take him a very long time to stop viewing sex as transactional.)
-Resh'an could deal with having sex with his best friend in gotta start somewhere because he'd been drinking, and he'd been lusting after Aephorul for a while at that point, and he's made worse impulsive decisions before; he could even deal with the morning after, when Aephorul still wanted to have sex with him, because it didn't have to mean anything, and he knows how to have meaningless, casual sex with people. He's got plenty of scripts for that. He doesn't know how to stop second guessing himself when it's not meaningless. (I worry a little that this feels like too much of an about-face from his behavior in gotta start somewhere, but his confidence has always been a "fake it til you make it" facade.)
-Post-coital dysphoria is not necessarily caused by anything specific, either physiological or psychological, but in Resh'an's case, the trauma and the mental illness and being kind of improperly medicated definitely don't help. All of these things do improve for him over time, but it's still something he struggles with occasionally even when he's older.
At any rate, even vanilla sex should involve aftercare! Resh'an hasn't figured out yet that this is something he can ask for or expect.
(Resh'an, after sex: everything is terrible and I am worthless and everything about me is wrong and no one should touch me
Aephorul, after sex: we should get married. you should get me pregnant. I want to crawl inside your skin and live there. I am going to eat your kidney)
-They're going to go to their first Intro to BDSM event at The Shop in a few weeks and Resh'an is going to have a quiet crisis over the fact that he's spent years having shitty anonymous sex with people who treat him like dirt when he could've been, y'know. Not doing that.
-Aephorul is also going to have a quiet crisis after this event over how badly he wants to tie Resh'an up and hurt him.
(Aephorul: It's really hot when you cry. There's something wrong with me.
Resh'an: There's nothing wrong with that, except that I'm not sexy at all when I cry. My face gets all puffy and there's so much snot.
Aephorul:
Resh'an: Do not lick my face when I am covered in snot, oh my god, I take it back, there is absolutely something wrong with you, stoooooop iiiiiiit)
(Yes, this is why Resh'an gets so huffy about Aephorul licking his face in Staycation. Yes, this does continue to be one of Aephorul's favorite ways to be a fucking jackass, pretty much forever.)
-I I guess I did drop a "Chekhov's Public Sex" in there. For the first month or so they're generally pretty circumspect, but they eventually break down and have sex in the bathroom in the middle of a study group session with their friends. Nasreen gives Resh'an shit for it for the rest of their lives.
-At this point, their friends know they're together (Nasreen won the betting pool, because she cheated), but Resh'an hasn't told his aunts yet. Aephorul has thought about coming out to his brothers, but he won't.
-Because time is a social construct, spring break hasn't happened yet, but when it does they split the time between Aephorul's family home and Resh'an's aunt's house.
-Aephorul is twenty-one; they're both in the spring semester of their third year of undergrad. (Aephorul has a December birthday and Resh'an took a year or two to get his shit together after his aunt takes him in.) Resh'an will technically finish his bachelor's by the end of the next semester (he took a lot of summer classes), but he'll go straight into the master's/phd program at the same university. Aephorul will graduate next spring, and then go to medical school in the fall. (I think I'm sending him to Boston for that; he ends up somewhere far enough away that them being long distance becomes A Problem.)
-Aephorul is never going to be able to get Resh'an to come just from eating his ass ever again, but not for lack of trying. He'll be chasing this high for years.
