phoenixmetaphor replied to your post “i just had a thought! you should send a tony to the big dick steve au...”
Tony falls through a portal, passes out for a bit, and wakes up to Steve’s concerned face. Everything is fine. Everyone is safe. He goes home with his boyfriend, who strips off to give him some intimate cuddles and....oh my god. OH MY GOD. This isn’t the same universe.
Okay, so that would be hilarious, but what would ALSO be hilarious is Thrust Issues Tony trying to explain how he knows he’s in a different universe for the exact opposite reason:
Steve, bewildered and sort of offended: So you’re saying... that you know you’re from another Earth... because my dick is TOO SMALL?
(Pause while they both look down at Steve’s dick.)
Tony, hastily: I didn’t say that! It’s perfectly fine! It’s, I mean, it’s a normal size and everything. I’m sure your Tony has no complaints.
Steve: You think my dick is too small.
Tony: No! I-- well-- it’s just... not what I’m used to. It’s different.
Steve, suspiciously: How “different” are we talking about?
(Steve holds his hands up, several inches apart. He raises his eyebrows.)
Tony: More.
(Steve moves his hands another inch or so apart.)
Tony: More.
(Another inch. Steve looks a little skeptical.)
Tony: No, more than that.
(Steve moves his hands, like, another measly half-inch. This is clearly the biggest dick he can imagine having.)
Tony, impatient: Here.
(Tony grabs Steve’s hands and moves them for him. They are much, much wider apart when Tony is done.)
(Steve stares down at his hands in horror.)
Steve: Oh my God.
