Bosnian Refugee in Phoenix
I met a man in a Phoenix park today who originally came from Bosnia. He said he feels so fortunate to be a citizen of the United States and I easily believed him. His home was burned to the ground in his country, he said. His mother used to be a happy, determined woman before the war, he added thoughtfully. "She'll never be the same. She always seems worried now." Rumano- I think that's his name, loves the world and wants to "see every inch of it". He teaches Thai boxing for competitions. He saves his money to travel, he said. He loves Thailand, Malaysia, Cambodia and Brazil. His eyes lit up when he spoke about the places he's been.
Then he spoke about his parents. "People think I'm strange", he said. "There's a lot of religious conflict in my country and unlike here- you don't choose your religion. You are born into it. But my parents decided not to be religious. My father came from a Muslim family and my mother came from a Catholic family. Most people think that's strange". "I don't", I said. He had no idea...
He came to the United States after living in Germany when his house was burned to the ground during the war in Yugoslavia. "You don't just build another house or buy another", he said. "When they burn your house, you must leave the country. I was 21 and went to Germany but the Germans wouldn't let me stay. Different countries had different restrictions associated with religion, education and money. The United States just wanted to shelter me. They didn't care about my name, religion, education or money situation. They asked me what state I wanted to go to but I had only seen certain states in the movies like California. I couldn't picture the rest of the country. So they chose Arizona for me. I came here 15 years ago and stayed. I like it here. The people are nice. There's lots of opportunity. I think they're trying to grow the downtown."
I asked him who helped him to find a house and a job and whether he received psychological counseling after the war. He said, "Catholic Charities helped me with everything. They even helped me with all the paperwork and I became a citizen and brought over my mother and then my father even though they're divorced. My father cheated on my mother and broke her heart. But I'm their son and was able to bring them both over. They're friends now. Some people here think it's funny that I live with my mom. But I would never think of leaving her. She needs me. She is part of my family. We're in this together".
He spoke so candidly and emotionally about his life here in Phoenix. Despite the emotions and sincerity- he seems very happy and he definitely very curious about many things. He told me about a running race that he watched recently "I cried", he said. "You know? I watched everyone patting each other on the back and hugging one another. I just cried." I guess even an intense person like me needs to joke when a tall muscular man talks about crying- not because I think it's wrong- at all- but because it's so surprising! I asked if he cried because he was practically a Russian and most Russians I know love to weep. (They do- I'm always talking with weeping Russians for some reason). He looked at me and smiled- like he knew what I meant and then he laughed. I was surprised. "Well I didn't offend him" I thought.
He explained, "I cried because used to run marathons but recently I've spent so much time training other people in Thai boxing that I haven't had enough time to train myself. I miss my strength", he said. PS- he didn't look weak but I didn't want to say something awkward. I told him that I could relate because I did a few triathlons awhile back and trained very hard. I told him that "I used to train as well" and that "I liked being strong and agile. I understood. I especially enjoyed the camaraderie of races and training". "Yes- that's it!"- he said. "I wondered why I was on the wrong side of the racing line! - How I got left out," he explained. He asked me how I had had the time to train and work because he's having difficulty doing everything. I said that "i was an entrepreneur. I created my schedule to discipline myself and I acknowledged that I knew that if I trained as an athlete, "I'd at least finish a triathlon. It was simple math. The training and achievement would keep me on track. However- I wasn't so sure I could be successful as an entrepreneur... the relationship between trying and success is not as predictable", I explained.
Oddly- he understood. He said that many of the athletes he knows are entrepreneurs. "Really?", I said. "Yes- I've trained myself as a Thai boxer and I've been training other boxers as well. Many of these guys are not so smart. But when I've trained for marathons, the runners are usually pretty smart and many of them are triathletes and entrepreneurs who do many things they enjoy. They like creating unique schedules for themselves and the more they do- the more they do".
What surprised me about this tall Bosnian kickboxer was his candidness, emotionality and range of interests and awareness of everything around him...Then he told me a touching story about his dog Sparky who was leaping happily beside him at the dog park and trying to play with Baxter Bear. Sparky is a one year old cattle herding dog that couldn't go off leash yet like Baxter who is much calmer by comparison- especially now that he's three years old. He said he saved Sparky from a person who advertised him as a giveaway on Craigslist. Rumano said Sparky was close to death with 500 full and baby-sized ticks all over his body like tumors. He said he counted the ticks as he pulled them off his skin and out of his ears with tweezers and put them in bleach water the day he retrieved him from his abusive and neglectful owner. He was angry about how this beautiful puppy had been treated before he turned one and he wanted to turn the man who advertised him on Craig's list into the police for maltreatment- but he also acknowledged that the man was trying to find him a home. Rumano worries about the puppy's siblings but he couldn't do anything about it.
How does a man who's been through the war in Yugoslavia wind up so sensitive and seemingly lively? I would have to know him better to answer this question.
He was proud of Sparky and proud that he's carefully nursed him back to health. "He almost died from tick infestation!", he exclaimed. He was also so happy to have him in his life after having lost his other dog friend of 10 years last January- His last dog was a beautiful bull terrier with a black patch on his eye. He showed me the picture of his other dog. He said his house had been too empty since his other dog died. "It's not been the same," he explained. I thought he was going to cry. "I saved Sparky", he said, "But he saved me too".
This Bosnian man's range of emotion and authenticity was startling to me. I recognize similar attributes in myself but I don't expect it from strange men in parks. Nevertheless- here he was- a walking, talking, emotional kickboxer from Bosnia who liked traveling to remote parts of the world and bonding with his puppy...
I had so many questions...the range was quite wide. So he told me about the police in Bosnia who were just as likely as the locals to get into fights. He compared them to rule following police in the United States. He said "You are just as likely to have to fight a policeman as someone who disagrees with you on the street. People are high strung after the war", he said.
He talked about the violence and beauty of his country. "What's it like?," I asked- referring to the mysterious and troubled former Yugoslavia. "I have never been there but I know a little bit about Yugoslavia because my international relations advisor from College was Croation and an expert on Yugoslavian politics. In fact- she wound up marrying the leader of Croatia after the country divided...but that's another story", I said. "She was a dear person to me in college". I told Rumano about her and I told him about another dear Polish friend of mine who always wanted to buy property on the Dalmatian coast. "It's the most beautiful coastline you'll ever see!", he exclaimed. "It's because the water is still and clear. It's a little bit salty - the air smells like a mixture of salt and pine needles. It's beautiful," he explained.
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I have to be honest with you- my readers. I was overwhelmed by this person. I felt connected. Not attracted- connected like I'd just shared a very important set of experiences with an old friend. I spoke about Machu Pichu, Vietnam, Thailand and Malaysia with him. I told him what Afghanistan is like and I knew that we were picturing athletic races, oceans, dogs, countries and violence in far off places with ethnic and religious strife- and we both knew what we were talking about and that was strange...and overwhelming.
I liked connecting and not. I'm not sure I know why really.
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I realized that Baxter Bear was thirsty. I had been playing soccer with him the whole time we were talking in the park. I said I had to return and continue with my job hunt. "Oh you don't need to do that," he said. Then I explained that I had to get water for Baxter Bear. That was true too. What I didn't say was that all this connecting with a stranger actually was too much for me. It was strange and good but I wasn't comfortable all of a sudden. I know I can't easily hide things on my face but I can't say what my face looked like. I have no idea. I wasn't thinking about it really. I do wonder what he thought because I departed very suddenly and there was no more exchange of information. I said I'd see him in the park sometime and excused myself rather quickly. He didn't ask for my information and I didn't ask for his. Perhaps this strange familiarity was awkward for him too. I haven't any idea but as I ran down the park path with Baxter Bear toward home- I wondered if I had imagined the whole strange encounter. Of course not...but how strange...
I could tell you what this stranger looked like but it's funny that I forgot to take his picture today. I normally remember to take a picture in my travels with strangers but I was more engaged than usual- My mind had just gone all over the planet in a short period of time in this Phoenix park.
I forgot that I still had some writing to do...