How did you know you were in love with Zayne?
wow this is really hard because suddenly one day i was like slapped in the face and i was like omg i love this boy.
I dunno, anon. One day I just found myself enjoying things I didn’t used to particularly enjoy. Not because I suddenly liked them but because they made him happy.
I also found myself looking into the future and seeing him always. Things turned from “when I move to Mankato” to “when we move to Mankato”.
I never wanted to get married. I always saw it as something that I wasn’t going to do because I didn’t think that I was capable of loving another person enough to devote my life to them.
Lauren and Dan can attest to this: I HATE CHILDREN. Every time I see a tiny human, I want to smack them because oh my god how can a living thing be so incredibly irritating. But I want kids now. I actually want kids now. But not just anyone’s kids. I don’t want to raise kids with anyone but Zayne. I want Zayne to be the father to any children I have whether adopted or not. However we decide to have kids, I want them to be his.
I just know now that I have absolutely no problem marrying him and devoting my life to making sure he is happy.
I cannot look at him without having the uncontrollable urge to smile. I say ‘I love you,” to him so much it could be considered annoying but I don’t care because those are the only words in the English language that express what I’m feeling but the words aren’t strong enough so I have to say them all the time to get my point across.
My things are his and his things are mine. There is no sense of possession anymore because things are just ‘ours’.
My heart feels bigger and my life is happier because I have him in it. Things are more bearable because I have this unwavering sense of support. He understands my crazy. He gets all of it and he doesn’t want to leave.
He knows how to comfort me. He can work through my eating disorder. And BELIEVE me, it is not an easy thing to be dating a girl who has an eating disorder. There are multiple times a day where I break down sobbing in his arms because I have to get dressed but he just sits there and holds me. He doesn’t always know what to say but he is always there. Even if he is uncomfortable or scared, he is always there and it is the most wonderful feeling to know that.
Wow this got long. I just. I am so in love with him. And I don’t suppose it answered your question. Just yeah.