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Pina: Sometimes I’ll just wake up in the morning and… I’ll be looking at Bill in the early light while he’s asleep…

Legosi: I do that too. When Loui-

Pina: …And I’ll drag this shoelace across his face and I’ll yell BILL WAKE UP THERE’S A BUG ON YOUR FACE!!

Legosi:

Pina: He usually wakes up screaming.

Drama club antics

Pina: Are you Bill? Because there are rumors that someone named Bill said I’m a slut.

Bill: A-ah, r-really? No, I’m not Bill, my name is... Augustus.

Pina:

Bill, pointing at Legosi: That one is Bill. The gloomy one, with the depressed face and the hunch posture. He’s Bill.

Later

Pina: So you are Bill? You are the one that thinks I’m a slut?

Legosi, unfazed: No, I’m not Bill but... yes. I do think you are a slut.

Pina:

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Legosi : I love you.

Louis: I love you, too.

Pina: Woah, what the hell was that?

Louis: I finally told Legosi I love him.

Pina: Now that you've said what he wants to hear, he doesn't have to work for it! It's like when guys are really trying to sleep with you. When you finally give it up, there are no more flowers. Next thing you know, it's years later, and you're standing over him while he sleeps, your third Martini in one hand and a knife in the other. And sure, he's taken a sleeping pill so you can slice his arm open a little bit without waking him up. But it's not satisfying. And you know why? Because you've lost the power. Hey Bill. Did you ever figure out what happened to your arm?

Bill, smiling: Nope!

Pina: Hey get over here, I need help

Bill: I can't, I'm buying clothes

Pina: Well hurry up then

Bill: I can't find them

Pina: Wdym you "can't find them"

Bill: I can't find them, there's only soup

Pina: Wdym "there's only soup"

Bill: I mean there's only soup

Pina: Well then, get out of the soup aisle

Bill: Ok, you don't have to shout at me

Bill, panicking: There's still soup

Pina: WDYM "THERE'S STILL SOUP"

Bill: I mean there's still soup!

Pina, livid: GO INTO THE NEXT AISLE

Bill: There's still soup

Pina: WHERE ARE YOU RIGHT NOW

Bill suddenly angry: I'M AT SOUP

Pina: WDYM YOU'RE AT SOUP

Bill: I MEAN I'M AT SOUP

Pina: WHAT STORE ARE YOU IN

Bill: I'M AT THE SOUP STORE

Pina: WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES AT THE SOUP STORE

Bill: FUCK YOU *hangs up*

Pina, to Louis: Give me your gun

Louis: Wha-

Pina: I SAID GIVE ME YOUR GUN OR I'LL TEAR OFF YOUR ANTLERS AND SHOVE THEM UP YOUR A-

Bill, walking in: Hey, I got the clothes

Pina: HOW. THE. FUCK.

Submitted by @obviouslyarealhumanbeing

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Pina: I'm scared, Bill.

Bill: I've been there too. Everyone told me "open yourself, open yourself, talk to someone", but I found a way to defend myself.

Pina: What way?

Bill: Simple. I've stopped reading. I don't read anymore, nothing! Books, newspapers, magazines, a sign in the street...

Pina: You don't read...

Bill: I don't read it! I don't read shit and I'm fine. they say "open yourself, talk to someone", I don't talk to anyone, I mind my own fucking business. Pina, listen to me, shut up, don't read anything anymore and you'll get over everything!