for a director’s commentary: any scene in pine sweat that you’d like to talk about 👀
I didn't think I'd have anything special to say about pine sweat but I do!! 🏕️🌞
at random, we’re doing chapter 2 drought, the one where the kids first find out about Sam n Dean and at the end, young dean kisses old Sam.
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He was wearing a different black shirt than yesterday, some image on the front that was too cracked and faded to make out, and the same jeans. Sam was in gym shorts again, and a giant white T-shirt that nearly covered them. His knobbly knees were scuffed up. Sam remembered always being mildly damaged at that age.
for some reason I have the kids’ outfits very fixed in my head despite not mentioning it much. dean is wearing a very old black band tee (pink Floyd? idc), 90s-appropriate blue jeans. I forget what shoes he's wearing, maybe chucks. and young Sam, when I say “gym shorts” here I mean big and1 basketball shorts lol. swishy blue. and crew socks, and big dirty white sneakers. very important to me.
He’d felt like Gollum at the time: bony, hunched and pale. It didn’t help that Dean looked like a Tiger Beat centrefold.
anyone remember Tiger Beat? looking at old photos, Jensen Ackles was an insanely beautiful kid, would be horrible to have as a brother. luckily my sister and I were both very ugly kids.
Dean’s giddiness increased when Sam put four jugs of kerosene into the cart.
the brief shopping scene was something that changed a lot between inception and final. I forget the details but I did NOT know what their plan was gonna be exactly. my advice to anyone publishing a multi chapter fic is to have it done or very nearly done by the time you start publishing. this would have been a dog's breakfast if I couldn't go back and edit earlier chapters to make it make sense as I fleshed out the plot.
Who’s president? Is it hotter all the time? What does gas cost? What do cars look like?
I tried to think of what a precocious kid would ask about the future. I don't think these nail it, it but I honestly couldn't know. wish I had kids in my life to ask. I don't remember being a kid but my mum says I never believed in Santa claus so I think there's something fundamentally broken in me.
“No! No, not that bad, not, uh, rapey, just—”
“Okay, back up. Now you’re super not allowed to be alone with Sam.”
this was something my beta grace suggested I add in, which works really well. she pointed out that if they don't know these two guys, and then they hear there's a sex-pollen-adjacent thing, young dean would INSTANTLY be like wait a minute you fuckin pervert lol
in some ways he was unrecognizable through the lens of adulthood, so nervy and unsure. He’d never known Dean to be unsure, but he’d only ever seen Dean in a certain light. He wore a mask, and, Sam was realizing, Dean had always made sure that mask was perfect for him.
I really loved the idea of Sam recategorizing their childhood immediately. 4 years older is SO much when you're a kid! but looking at it as an adult you'd be like, oh that's not my adult older brother, that is a young 17 year old boy, with so much pressure on him. it would be clear to Sam as an adult everything that Dean did for him when they were kids that he took for granted in the way that young kids do. entitlement, etc. dean gave up a lot to raise Sam.
splitting the log with a neat snick
my snicks and clicks strike again. great sound
Sam would have bet money that Dean would laugh it off, or have some kind of over-the-top indignation at the thought of it, a haughty I don’t swing that way.
I'm openly bi so I had to imagine what kind of response you would expect from someone asking if you're gay if you weren't, but I think it would be like this. I don't think your average guy would get mad, nor Dean, if he weren't hiding something. at most it would be like "haha yeah fuck you too buddy"
Dean heated up beans in his small carbon steel pan
I love carbon steel. great camping pan. costs zero dollars, you season it like cast iron but it's light as hell. I like cast iron too but don't let the fanboys steer you away from carbon steel. she's my gal friday
The sky was still pink where it peeked through the trees and the scene of it was beautiful: a rugged, shirtless guy down by the crystal stream, jeans slung low on his hips, washing up at dawn like something out of an old western.
was thinking of Brokeback mountain for this. Ang Lee has gorgeous cinematography.
All he heard was his younger self babble to his brother, amulet he’s got the pendant no one else does it’s not it’s not he couldn’t it’s yours what if it’s yours—
I remember grace and I went back and forth a lot on this scene re: how quickly a kid would realistically recognize their future self. I think we did ok. the amulet being the catalyst made sense, but I do also think that it would be VERY hard instantly clock someone as your older self. it's not something you'd look for in real life.
We. Sam was still hovering next to them, unnoticed while they all stared at Dean. He waited for the other shoe to drop. Three, two, one—
The younger Dean’s eyes slid off his older self and onto Sam.
I looooved the idea of them freaking out about dean so much that they forget about Sam, especially because he's so big. very funny to me
Whittling
I have a whittling knife I have always meant to use camping but never have. I've always been obsessed with whittling as a concept, don't know why. I feel like I'd be good at it even though I've never tried.
[Young] Sam had his face in Dean’s chest and an arm thrown over his side.
it was an intentional thing to be sure I wasn't sexualizing the kids. it wasn't difficult not to, but I have written underage stuff and this isn't that. just wanted it to come across as an uncomfortable, notable closeness. especially this early on in the fic, it was very important for me to establish that there would be no kid-fucking.
“Did you have to get them in the same spot?”
“That was a stylistic choice.”
I think it is so funny that they got their ward tats in the same spot. like ok gayboys
Sam always felt like he was better with teenagers than younger kids because his gawky adolescence felt like it lasted a lifetime. Dean, on the other hand, went straight from four to forty. He was sweet with kids because he raised one. That specific one, in fact.
It felt natural to make each boy more comfortable with his brother than with his other self. made sense to me for the reasons listed here. and the gentle self loathing they both feel for themselves at all times.
“He’s got five free minutes, he’s probably jerking off somewhere.”
since writing pine sweat I have started to vary my jerk off vs jack off language but pine sweat is ALL jerks and I hate it. he should have said whacking off here.
The line between his sunburnt nape and the skin below the collar of his shirt was sharp, pink and white.
another overused ron-ism: t-shirt tan lines. I live in a very sunny hot place and I love when someone who works outside takes off their shirt and they have very stark tan lines. roughneck outdoorsy blue collar sexy. I use sunscreen like it's my job, to protect my tats, but it's sexy when other people don't.
Dean said, “But you still hunt with him. Me. Whatever. If you left, you came back.”
this is young Dean fishing for hints about his and Sam's relationship, obviously. maybe even trying to figure out if he ever told Sam about his feelings in the future, like, “was there a fight you mended”
the boyish smell of his deodorant
I wear old spice original so Dean does too. I remember there was this guy I worked with like 10 yrs ago who smelled so good and one day I asked him what the smell was and he said 'old spice original, chicks love it and guys hate it.' which I have found to be true.
Two long seconds passed and lips slid dry against his, taking a shallow, shaking breath, pressing in closer so carefully, shy—
I do think it would take a second of being kissed for you to be like, what the fuck is this. I don't think I've ever been unexpectedly kissed so I don't know, but it felt softer and nicer for Sam to not immediately fling him away. and also: we can all admit it's a bit sexy. we're all friends here.
Dean fumbled his way to standing, holding his hands out as if to show see, look, not gonna hurt you.
I pictured this as a half-crouch with the hands up like when someone at gunpoint asks the gunman permission to pick something up. or like approaching a scared animal. dean protecting Sam even when he's half his age.
thank you for reading!!! 🏕️🌞🤲
