A prompt based on the idea of a character real or imaginary, facing something in their life, after avoiding it for so long.
She stood, shifting slightly, tilting her head, and watching her reflection intently. Her mascara stained her cheeks, collecting in pools in the bags under her eyes. The reflection she saw was like a foreign stranger, the likes of which she’d never met. Her amber locks cascaded down her shoulders, and past her breasts, reaching the top of her waist. He liked her long hair, and she hadn’t even gotten more than a trim in four years. Those years were almost as long as her hair, and now it felt like a constant, gut-wrenching reminder of what she lost.
They say that hair holds memories, and the longer the hair, the more memories it holds. She grasped her memories in her hands, feeling their weight and thickness, playing with them. She even loved their flaws- the split ends, faded highlights, and frizzy texture.
He loved playing with her hair, wrapping it around himself as they lay in the stillness together. Holding it in his hands as they wrestled, laughter bubbling up from them both. Even when she was plagued with sickness, heaving herself over, he grasped its weight with one hand, using his other to loving caress her back, ensuring she never felt his presence leave.
That was then, this is now.
It wasn’t just hair, anymore, she concluded. It was a permanent, physical reminder of everything she had, and everything she lost. It was painful, and she felt her throat burn and eyes well up with new tears. She didn’t know it was possible to cry so much. She had figured that all the liquid in her body was gone by now, but it wasn’t, because somehow her eyes pushed out more. Her hair was dirty and matted, being neglected as she wallowed in her sorrow. She didn’t want to see her hair like this, abused and abandoned. It deserved peace just like she did.
In the middle drawer, she cautiously opened it, her eyes on the shears that beckoned her. They called out, in a way to encourage her to do this.
Tears flowed unapologetically, and she picked them up. Through blurry vision, not even caring about making it even, but simply making a mental note she would go to a salon after. It had to be her first, she couldn't let anyone else make this choice.
The locks fell limp and dead on the counter, as she snipped away, breath frantic and sparse. She looked down, admiring the pile accumulated. Her head felt light, and she even shocked her self with how little force it took to hold her head up again. The pit in her stomach dissipated, as she looked at this new stranger in the mirror. She was no longer his, she was her’s. She shook her head, noting a few uneven spots, but yet she never felt so pretty. Because now, she wasn't just pretty to him, she was pretty to herself.
for the smut ask meme,,, maybe 74 with komahina? 😳 👉👈 (with bottom hajime bc that shits hot)
74: "Wow, I think you're blushing even redder than that vibrator inside you."
ao3
ah, yes, bottom!hajime... i was expecting and hopeful towards this HDHDHDH
please allow me to apologize for the wait 🙇♂️ there was one paragraph i had to write that im ashamed to say took me a good time to hype myself up to do JDJSJJS either way i hope u enjoy this!! even tho its been forever so im worried you might not get a chance to see this 😔
-
“So, it’s fine, right?”
Had he not grown used to it, Hinata would have been disturbed at the nonchalant grin on Komaeda’s face compared to his own already feeling incredibly hot at the very sight of the silicone object he held in hand.
...He really shouldn’t get flustered over this, however. Afterall, he’s already agreed and talked about this beforehand.
A simple discussion about Komaeda wishing to get a chance to use a vibrator on him. And of course, Hinata had agreed, finding it only fair with how many times he’s used one Komaeda.
And yet…
The one Komaeda holds is a simple penetrative kind, definitely new, with a noticeable red color. It certainly was far from large- but bigger then what Hinata had initially expected.
Perhaps he had just been expecting one of the small, stringed ones. Though, maybe a bigger one would be better…
As though sensing his hesitance, Komaeda falters. "Well, of course, if you changed your mind, we don't have to-"
"NO," Hinata interrupts, only to immediately bite his tongue at just how loud he had accidentally been. "No, it's fine. We've… already gotten me ready, anyhow."
Right. If he could handle Komaeda's dick and nonstop teasing, he could handle something as simple as this. Besides, he doesn't want to drag this out for too long.
Komaeda pauses for a second, before regaining his smile. "Ah, excellent, then. Could you… spread your legs for me, again, Hinata-kun?"
Another wave of embarrassment briefly hits Hinata at the request. It's not even that lewd- in fact, it should be expected- but that doesn't stop him from averting eye contact with Komaeda as he obeys, allowing his knees to fall apart and become exposed. In order to become more comfortable, he finally lays down on his back, pressing his head against the pillows below him.
He doesn't have to look at Komaeda to tell his expression, but in a way, that only gets his face to heat up again, turning his head away even more. Unfortunately, on his back, he can't bury his face in the pillows fully like he usually does.
Hinata bites his lip when he finally feels the head of the toy push against his lube-slicked entrance, but can't keep in the shaky, quiet gasp when it's being pushed further in him.
It… really is a different sensation. Completely different from the ones they had sometimes used on his outer body or, of course, Komaeda's cock.
It's cold from it's material and the coat of lube Komaeda had lathered on it, and while it doesn't hurt, it doesn't feel good yet, either.
"If it gets too much, you'll warn me, right?" His boyfriend asks, his warm voice already enough to get Hinata to calm down. Ah, he was the one who was making too much of a deal about this- of course, he could trust Komaeda. If it hurt, he'd pull it out in a second.
But instead of saying anything, Hinata merely nods, closing his eyes and instinctively holding his breath. He probably looks pathetic, like that, however, and so he brings his arms up to further cover his eyes from view.
Komaeda, at first, is incredibly gentle, like always. Pushing it in bit by bit, occasionally stopping whenever Hinata gave a noticeably rough shudder.
Still, Hinata isn't sure how much he can handle even that, considering it only seems to drag on the event, making the toy feel much longer than it actually is.
As though having read his mind, Komaeda, who also seemed to be kind of impatient, easily thrusted the rest of the toy into Hinata, all the way up to the hilt.
This doesn't go without a reaction, as at the unexpected fast pressure, Hinata let out a gasp, digging his nails into his own arms, having forgotten he didn't have them on the sheet.
There's a second of silence, as he gets used to the deep intrusion, before Komaeda gives a hesitant, "are you okay?"
Hinata once again responds with only a nod. Despite him having not expected it, it hadn't hurt, per say- but it still felt a little strange, and uncomfortable.
Or, so it did, before he distinctly felt Komaeda grab the hilt, gently dragging the toy out, and before Hinata can object, quickly pushing it back in, brushing his prostate head on.
Another cry leaves his throat, as his arms leave his face in order to properly grasp the pillow beneath him- only to catch sight of Komaeda's face, who looks as though he's finding the greatest possible joy from this, face dusted with red but focusing intently on Hinata's body, flickering from his face to see his reactions to his entrance and at his psychical reactions.
At the sheer arousement of his gaze, Hinata once again covered his face with an arm, heat and embarrassment filling his senses.
Komaeda, however, merely chuckles at this.
"Aha, sorry, was that too much?" His voice is as cheerful as usual, but it has a certain undertone to it Hinata could only describe as sultry. "I just wanted to make sure I memorised all those spots correctly. Afterall, with these kinds of things, you sort of need to do the whole 'back and forth' to get the most pleasure. At least, that's how it is for me."
Hinata can't get any words out of his throat, and so he once again responds simply, this time with a small grumble. Komaeda seems to also find humor in this.
"Here, Hinata-kun," and he takes a hold of the arm Hinata was using to cover his face, pushing it out of the way.
Hinata had kept his eyes open this time, and in this position, he had no choice but to make eye contact with Komaeda. He doesn't find it much fair that he looked much more stable then himself, aside from the obvious arousal.
In fact, he looks almost amused, and Hinata is reminded of why exactly he enjoyed keeping his head buried in pillows.
"Wow," is his unneeded observant, "I think you're blushing even redder than that vibrator inside you."
This is what finally seems to get the words out of Hinata, somehow finding it in himself to be peeved despite the current situation. "Well, obviously, you ass," he objects, covering Komaeda's face with his hand, though not with enough pressure to actually push him away, much less hurt him. "When you do shit like this, I…"
"Aha, are you actually peeved at me?" Luckily Komaeda didn't take the wrong idea from this, merely grabbing ahold of the hand used to block him and entwining it with his own, in order to properly pin it beside Hinata's head. "Apologies, then. It's hard for me not to tease you when your reactions are so… cute."
Ah, that word again. With how many times he's used it when they're together like this, Hinata would figure it was one of Komaeda's favorite words.
He opens his mouth to say something, though he's not sure exactly what yet, only for Komaeda to seize that opportunity to bring their mouths together.
It's embarrassing just how easily Hinata finds himself melting into the kiss, allowing himself to shut his eyes and fully revel in the feeling of their tongues together.
It's undignified and sloppy, but it's enough to get him into a bit of haze, to the point where when Komaeda pulls away and warns that he's going to "turn it on", he isn't quite sure what he means until it's too late.
Luckily, Komaeda starts the toy at an incredibly low pace, but with it still being pushed against his prostate, Hinata still reacts wildly, giving out a strangled noise as he tilts his head up.
Right. How did he forget it was a VIBRATOR?
The feeling is almost completely foreign, the faint buzz that courses through him surprisingly pleasurable, compared to the previous uncomfortableness he had felt before.
"Good?" Comes Komaeda's almost concerned voice, Hinata hearing it only distinctly.
"Yeah," he manages, his voice already slightly strained, and he almost considers just shutting up when he realises it. "Really good."
Encouraged, Hinata feels as Komaeda grabs onto the hilt of the toy, before slowly pushing and thrusting it in, bit by bit.
Hinata had his eyes squeezed shut so hard he was practically seeing patterns. He keeps a hand to his mouth, as though trying to muffle any more noises from his mouth, but for the most part, failing.
Even just this is overwhelming, Komaeda purposely brushing past all his sensitive parts, but the vibrations still hitting them dead on.
And when Komaeda tests pushing up the intensity level, it only has Hinata writhing more, abandoning the idea of covering his mouth in favor of grabbing onto the sheets beneath him.
"Fuck," He exclaims, squinting open his eyes only enough to make out a blurry view of the ceiling, "good, that feels good, Komaeda-"
And all at once, when it feels like it was going to go for another amp, the pleasure stops as the vibrations suddenly turn off with a click.
Hinata's eyes suddenly snap open fully, looking through his haze as though seeing would help him find out why it stopped.
"Ah, sorry, sorry," is Komaeda's small apology, and Hinata uses his spare strength to prop himself up on his elbows in order to look at him properly.
While he no doubt looks much worse, Komaeda still looks like a bit of a mess himself, face flushed red and eyes reflecting that of almost desperation.
"It's just that I'm close to my limit too," and he pauses briefly to sit up on his knees, making a point as he slinks his fingers underneath the waistband of his underwear, pulling them down enough to reveal his cock, the tip already dotted with pre cum. A small smile and a low voice asking a simple question of, “can I?”
With how fast he feels his face fluster, Hinata wishes he had just kept himself lying down, but instead reverts to looking away once again. Despite this, he nods, by now probably afraid of his own voice sounding weird.
Well, to be perfectly honest, he had been expecting them to try out the vibrator more, but he wasn’t going to object to doing it the “natural” way. It really wasn’t a big deal, afterall.
And so he gets back in a comfortable position for Komaeda to get on top of him, happily allowing him to bring their mouths together again, wrapping his arms around his neck.
Though the kiss gets more sloppy when Komaeda takes their dicks in one hand, grinding them together in a way that has Hinata moaning into his mouth, though it isn’t as intense as it was when the vibrator was on.
But that quickly changes, when almost out of nowhere, Komaeda uses his free hand to switch back on the toy.
Komaeda was lucky he was wearing a shirt, or Hinata would have definitely scratched him hard enough to bleed, with how hard he clutches onto his short sleeves.
He makes a strangled, loud gasp, that separates the kiss for only a moment, before Komaeda merely deepens it once again.
Overstimulation hits Hinata like a truck, with the frotting that only gets more messy as pre cum spills over themselves, and as Komaeda uses his spare hand to do the “back and forth” that he had before. Combined with the almost suffocating feeling of groaning into each other’s mouths, his head is already getting into that hazy state that only Komaeda can make him feel.
“Nng- ha- Nagi-!” incomprehensible cries spill out of his mouth whenever Komaeda leaves it for a split second in order to take a breath, but never objecting to any of it. Because in that haze is an unfathomable pleasure, whenever Komaeda brushed their tips together, or when the vibrations directly hit his sensitive spots- feelings that are quickly building up to an orgasm.
He knows that Komaeda is getting close too, when he finally breaks their kiss(that was hardly a kiss anymore, but just a wet clambering of tongues), and instead moves to teasing Hinata’s collarbone with nips and sucks, not even bothering to continue thrusting the toy into him. But that’s unneeded anyways, because any lost pleasure is made up for by him turning it up a full notch.
After that, Hinata is most definitely doomed to not last any longer. His instincts take over him, as he digs into both Komaeda’s hair and shirt like it’s a lifeline, toes curling up in the sheets, and all at once, his vision goes blurry.
If he makes any noise in his climax, he doesn’t hear it, and he briefly thinks that he must have passed out with just how hard he had come.
When he regains his senses after what feels like a half-hour, his breaths are heavy, barely registering Komaeda in a similar state on top of him. He does, however, register the feeling of the vibrator still buzzing inside him, but by now, it’s just uncomfortable. He reaches a shaky hand to shut it off, but Komaeda beats him to it, and with a small click, he finally feels relieved.
They stay in that state for what feels like hours, before Komaeda finally speaks up, his voice still exhausted.
“So, ha, how was it?”
Hinata opens his mouth to respond, but he can’t find the right to say, so he merely let a single word spill out of his throat; “Wow.”
Had he had the strength, he probably would have lightly hit the top of Komaeda’s head when he heard his giggle ring in his ears.
Prompt was: “’how have you survived this long with your absolute lack of self preservation?’ or just the phrase ‘cheerfully irresponsible’” by @rosesisupposes (I’m so sorry if it wasn’t you who gave me the prompt)
Characters (and title) from @esthereg1228
Word Count: 380
Summary: Rachel can be stupidly reckless sometimes, but Emma loves her anyway.
Emma really should've expected this when she walked up to her girlfriend's house Thursday morning. She knows Rachel means well, but everything always seems to go wrong when she's involved. Emma thinks that maybe that cheerful recklessness shouldn't be as endearing as it is.
Thursday, February 20- 6:45 AM
So what if Rachel might've set off the fire alarm in an attempt to cook breakfast for her family? It's the thought that counts, right? She's sure her girlfriend would laugh and say something about how "You don't have any self-preservation at all, do you?" However, Rachel's freaking out a little too much to think about the teasing she's going to get for this. She types out a frantic text to Emma while trying to figure out how to turn off the alarm. Her parents are going to kill her for this!
Thursday, February 20- 7:15 AM
Fire alarm safely off, Emma invites Rachel-- and her family-- over to her house for breakfast. She's politely declined by everyone except Rachel, who enthusiastically accepts with a kiss to Emma's cheek. Emma, after recovering from the kiss, leads Rachel to her house while giving her a lecture on kitchen safety.
Thursday, February 20- 7:30 AM
Emma is not happy with her girlfriend at the moment. She knows that Rachel was only trying to do something nice for her family, but that interaction was more awkward than it had any right to be. Not only was she forced to talk to people early in the morning, but she was also a mess, having just run from her house to Rachel's home. If only her girlfriend wasn't so irresponsible! Her thoughts are interrupted by a nudge from her girlfriend and a quiet "Hey." Rachel leans down and kisses her girlfriend on the forehead, softly apologizing. Emma giggles, remembering why she can never stay mad at Rachel for too long.
Thursday, February 20- 12 PM
At lunchtime, Rachel regales her and Emma's friend group with the story of the morning's mishap. Everybody enjoys her liveliness, and even Emma, having long forgiven her girlfriend, finds the tale amusing. The newest to the group wonder amongst themselves how the situation came to be, only to be answered with, "That's just how Rachel is."
“komaeda?” he coos softly, but he knows it isn’t enough to even shake the figure beside him. perhaps, subconsciously, he doesn’t want to shake him.
afterall, it’s hard to want to disturb the other’s rest, not when he looks so… peaceful.
it had undoubtedly been a long day- the foundation already had been no stranger to overwork, but this time, it had seemed even more like a drag. it had already been dark by the time hinata had been let off, and accompanying him close by, had been no other than komaeda himself.
when he had asked hinata for a ride, of course he didn’t hesitate to let him. afterall, they usually ended up driving to the apartments together. practical, considering their “roommate” status.
with the long drive and dark sky, hinata couldn’t blame komaeda for passing out. he had already looked exhausted when they met up, even if he had the same “bright” attitude he always had.
he hadn’t even been paying attention until they had finally parked in the driveway, finally turning his head to look at his partner.
hinata has become used to komaeda’s sleeping tendencies. normally, it always looks like he’s merely in a doze- one without movement or sounds, but still. he wouldn’t call it peaceful, usually, and that was especially apparent when komaeda was having a nightmare.
(that’s always the most obvious to tell. hinata had witnessed it quite a few times- his knuckles tight and face white, yet the only movement from him even then was just his faint shivering.)
but the way komaeda was now… hinata couldn’t help but stop and just stare, as though worried he would never be able to see the sight again.
he looked so gentle there, eyes softly shut and head tilted down ever so slightly, as much as his seatbelt would allow. breathing quiet and soft, fitting in with the nightly driveway atmosphere noises.
“pretty” is another word that comes to his mind. it’s an offhand thought, really, but he can’t help but find himself stupid for thinking about it in the first place.
(even if it’s a word he could easily describe komaeda with. everything about him is fundamentally “pretty”- even stuff that really shouldn’t be, like his worryingly pale, thin body, or his cold, almost shaky hands.)
hinata can’t help but lay his chin on the steering wheel of the car, gazing at the man with the corners of his eyes. besides the noises in the background mixed with komaeda’s faint breathing, it’s almost completely silent, and that in itself is comforting.
hinata can already feel his fatigue catching up to him as well- normally he was use to staying up for long nights, and thus wasn’t usually affected by it until he got to his bed, but with just how slow the world feels right now, it’s beginning to catch up to him.
the sight of his sleeping companion isn’t helping either, and hinata wonders if it really would just be nice to pass out alongside him.
...but no, komaeda would definitely wake up before him, and that would lead to just a whole bunch of teasing he’s not sure if he wants to go through.
and so, to keep himself awake, he reverts his full attention to the man in question, who has yet to even move an inch at all. hinata vaguely wonders how long he’ll sleep if he doesn’t wake him up.
this isn’t any kind of slumber he’s seen from komaeda before. not the content kind, or his usual tired, silent kind.
this was different: a gentle kind you would see from a dozing classmate only a seat away from you, looking completely ordinary, like nothing in the world could disturb them.
“ordinary”. “normal”. “domestic”.
perhaps the reason why hinata was looking into it so much was because he found it hard to associate those words with the komaeda he knew. the komaeda who he still barely understood.
he’s because so used to the abnormality of their relationship it had just become his normal. the idea that he’ll have to go his whole life always wondering about the truth of nagito komaeda being something he’s accepted, despite struggling not to.
because, truthfully, he wants to know the truth of nagito komaeda, but something in him also tells him he doesn’t. like a scientist digging into insane theories and timelines that he knows he’ll regret finding the truth of, but still finds it necessary because he wants to know.
the nagito komaeda who had shown him kindness in that simulation. the nagito komaeda who had broken down in front of him and everyone else, becoming this pile of nonsense about “hope” and “ultimates”, such figurative ideas that he had become obsessed with.
(and that once, hinata was obsessed with, to.)
the nagito komaeda who had scorned him the minute he learned the “truth” about hinata.
the nagito komaeda who had left the simulation, who was the manifestation of everything he had been in there.
(and in that way, perhaps he felt a familiar connection with him.)
the nagito komaeda who hinata had desperately tried to hate, but couldn’t find it in himself. the nagito komaeda who had made him feel intense and confusing emotions which he had never felt for anyone else, except for one girl, and even then, it had been so much more simple with her.
this was the nagito komaeda who was sleeping in the passenger seat of his car, sleeping like any ordinary, simple, overworked businessman you would see anywhere on the subway.
it almost makes hinata want to laugh, or even cry.
and yet, despite all of these complicated feelings stirring in his head, all of this that was between them, hinata didn’t want to become the scientist that wasted his whole life on the truth of the forbidden subject, just for it to break him to the point of becoming an alcoholic mess.
his desires to fully understand the komaeda he knew were futile, he knew that. he’d like to think that he’d be able to, someday, with his newfounds “talents”, but only to boost his fragile, non-existent ego.
it’s only fair, isn’t it? afterall, it was already impossible for komaeda himself to understand hinata now. the reserve course, the man who had wasted his life by obsessing over talent ever since he was a child, who signed his life away for a bunch of scientists to get their holds on a teenager, even the man who had been in the simulation, who had first met “komaeda”, was long gone.
replaced by the entity of izuru kamukura, parading the personality and memories of the boy who would never be able to recover himself, no matter how much he clawed at the surgery scars alongside his forehead.
to live a domestic life together, teetering on the edge of something bigger, more sinister, more tragic, something they couldn’t say to each other without risk of losing their holds. that’s what their relationship was destined for, truly.
and yet, would that be bad? a domestic life, even with repressed, dark thoughts, would still be domestic.
the idea of waking up to komaeda every morning, reading together, doing mindless, soft, sappy stuff together, until they were brutally torn apart in each other’s arms by the forces of a supernatural, screwed up thing like “luck”...
even if they would always be in confusion of the other, they would still always understand each other more than anyone else could or would. and surely, that was enough.
there was no such thing as a “perfect relationship” or a “happy ending”. there was only a future, the thing that had always remained as the one truth in this fucked up world, something that was relevant even when they were freaks who were causing it’s destruction.
when all you have is one another, you grow attached to each other.
and that was enough for hinata, despite everything inside him shouting at him that it wasn’t.
i wish that i could sleep like that, he smirks to himself, rising his head from the steering wheel. even through his whole introspection, komaeda had remained as quiet and peaceful as ever.
the only thing that had changed was some soft strands of hair falling into his face, and hinata, finding that they were kind of obscuring his view, hesitantly reached out a hand, gently stroking them behind komaeda’s ear, trying to be careful enough to not wake him.
still holding out his hand, hinata takes a second to just watch komaeda’s face. as calm as ever, and in this state, with the only light illuminating them being the car’s inside one, he was definitely even more pretty than usual.
that idea of waking up every morning to him begins re-entering his mind…
“isn’t it rude to stare, hinata-kun?”
it’s a miracle hinata doesn’t accidentally slap komaeda with how fast he pulls his hand back, straightening up with his eyes widened.
the man who he previously thought was deep in slumber chuckled, though it sounds more breathy than usual, opening his faintly-colored eyes to give hinata an amused look. the man feels his face going red, but furrows his brows.
“you- have you been awake this whole time!?”
as though to answer his question, komaeda yawns, stretching his arms out. he blinks a few times at hinata, as though still trying to wake up.
“oh, no, of course not. just for the past few minutes. when i did wake up, however, you were looking at me so intensely to the point where i could feel it, so i was scared to move, haha!”
“you- that’s-” it’s embarrassing how hinata finds himself stuttering like an awkward high schooler, so he bites his tongue and closes his eyes to regain his posture. it’s hard to do when he hears komaeda laugh at him, that same wheezy sound, but at the very least, he changes the subject.
“ah, i won’t blame you for it, though. rather, it was rude of me to fall asleep in someone else’s car, so i’ll apologise for that.”
“you don’t have to,” hinata immediately jumps on the subject. “today was pretty… tiring, so i don’t blame you either.” he ponders briefly if he should admit to wanting to fall asleep as well, but komaeda continues before he can add anything else.
“tiring, huh?” he murmurs almost to himself, before giggling to himself in the way he does when finding something funny for no reason. “ah, i suppose i can’t deny that.
“though, i am curious…” he looks at hinata with a newfound mix of curiosity and amusement, the suggestive kind that already has him blushing a little. “what hinata-kun could want, staring but not waking me up?”
hinata not so subtly looks away, covering his mouth with his hand to hide some remnants of his expression, though causing his response to be somewhat muffled. “i wasn’t staring. just zoning out. thinking.”
“oho? thinking about what?”
komaeda’s tone is playful enough to make hinata a little peeved, if not a little red. “nothing that you're thinking of, that’s for sure.”
this earns him another, genuine laugh from komaeda, which causes him to glance over to him again. a faint pink is dusting his face, though far from hinata’s more colorful blush. however, this only seems to make his expression, which has some underlying tiredness(most likely the cause of his boldness right now)to it.
“i would hope not, actually,” he muses, tilting his head a little. “i’d much rather sleep the rest of the night away. though, it’d be hard to go against hinata-kun’s desires.”
“oi, i want to sleep as much as you do,” hinata fires back, which gets him another grin from komaeda. it’s contagious, and he finds himself returning it.
“hm, even then,” komaeda leans towards hinata, raising a brow, “i’m sure you want something, right?”
the faux innocence of the question, mixed with that suggestive voice, agitates hinata for no real reason other than how effective it is for him.
komaeda would probably never be able to understand him fully, but he understood enough to get under hinata’s skin. and that itself almost infuriates him. it’s one of the many little things he both hates and adores about him- another conflict over something so simple.
“asshole,” he mutters affectionately, before leaning towards him as well. the only thing he gets is a small absentminded hum from komaeda, which hinata suddenly decides he wants to turn into something much more… gratifying.
it’s a small, soft kiss, but when hinata aims to deepen it, he finds himself confused when komaeda almost immediately pulls away.
his expression is lustful, as it usually is when they do stuff like this, but there’s a sort of a restraint to his eyes and stiffness to his smile. “though, you know, hinata-kun, if there’s something else you want to say, you should say it.”
hinata pauses, perplexed, before finally registering what he had said.
of course- komaeda knew there was more to that longing staring, to that hesitance to give him a solid answer when he had asked about what was on his mind. komaeda knew him best, afterall, and that makes hinata want to shut him up even more so.
yet, to the same degree, the other wasn’t a mind reader. he knew hinata best, yet barely understood his thought process, as did hinata for his.
there is many things hinata wants to say right now, but that’s always the case. always so many questions he wants to ask and so many thoughts to shout out, so much prodding of “what’s happening between us?” and “do you just like toying with me?”.
and yet, he’s come to learn that the only way to keep this peaceful, temporary, gentle lingering going was to not question any of it. to only open it when times for it appear, before it eventually does burst.
he wants this- the peace of being able to sit alone in a quiet car with komaeda, to give casual acts of affection that come as second nature. he doesn’t want to have to say anything, or question anything, between them.
to be in love with nagito komaeda was to be in love with a stranger who you knew every inch of, if only they could have that ‘in love’ part. if only they could have their silly little future together.
“i have nothing to say at all,” he lies, and remedies it with his lips, holding komaeda’s face and allowing him to live in this kind, terrifying ignorance.
allow me to formerly apologize for how long this is, anon. what meant to be a drabble turned into a one-shot... solely because i had too much fun with it lmao
domestic komahina where komaeda bothers hinata while he's trying to work until he caves in and fucks him... those are always good, i like to think lol
ao3
-
"You'll definitely overwork yourself one of these days, you know."
Hinata blinks up from his paperwork just in time to take the mug his boyfriend held out to him, having not even heard him coming into the bedroom.
"It's not my fault there's so much to do, you know," he says after a quick "thank you", taking a sip of the freshly brewed drink, which turns out to be coffee. "I'm just doing Naegi a favor by taking over some extra documents. Which, I'm almost done, by the way."
He doesn't have to look at Komaeda to tell his expression. Just hearing the familiar, breathy sigh is enough.
"Well, either way, shouldn't you move your work desk somewhere else?"
"Ah, am I bothering you? I can go work in the living room if you want."
"No, that's… I just think it's a little shabby compared to the rest of the room, is all."
This is almost enough to get Hinata to chuckle. Well, maybe it didn't work with the aesthetic of their bedroom, especially when it's covered in papers, but Hinata liked having it in the bedroom. It wasn't like it was uncommon to have desks in your rooms. Plus, after a hard day of extra work, he could pass out in the bed right away.
But he can tell that's not truely what's bothering Komaeda, anyways.
"Look at it this way," he voices, shuffling some of the completed papers into a neat pile. "It's Friday, and so long as I get this all done, we can have the whole weekend to ourselves."
That was for sure a guarantee. Afterall, with both of their busy schedules causing them to barely have time for each other, the weekends were like their checkpoints. To be able to act and love each other like a normal couple: to relish in each other's company, even if it was something as simple and quiet as reading in the same room together.
Even if they were far from perfect, ever so little, step by step, as the world was rebuilt, so was their relationship.
"Sure, if you aren't still exhausted by then."
Empathize on "far from perfect".
Hinata turns to look at Komaeda again, giving him an expression that he hoped didn't look angry or annoyed, but rather just miffed or stern.
"It's only eleven, you know. I'll have this done by midnight, and I can still get all eight hours of sleep in. I promise."
(The only hard part would be falling asleep, of course. But as long as he had Komaeda sleeping beside him, it'd be a lot easier.)
Komaeda opened his mouth as though wanting to say something, before closing it again and merely giving a small shake of his head.
"Of course, Hinata-kun. I trust you, afterall."
It's a genuine, if not tired, expression, and even if it's small, Hinata is thankful. Hearing those words from Komaeda felt far more different than hearing it from anyone else.
He gives Komaeda a genuine small, if not apologetic, smile, before turning back to his work.
He hears Komaeda step further into the room, and he expects him to just rest in bed(afterall, it is late)while Hinata worked diligently, and he reaches for his cup.
Only to almost spill it when he feels a sudden pair of arms wrap around him from the back, eyes peering over him at his desk.
"What are you working on, anyhow?" In this close proximity, Hinata can hear just how breathy Komaeda's voice is, and it sends goosebumps down his skin(and maybe heat somewhere else). He also distinctly smells the scent of floral shampoo; it was clear he had taken a shower only around an hour ago.
Komaeda had never been one for spontaneous acts of physical affection, unless it was something he and Hinata had discussed beforehand. Of course, he could be clingy at times, but with this act, it was clear he wanted something.
But, Hinata wouldn't succumb that easily, taking a sip of his coffee and getting back to the paperwork as though this was completely ordinary for them.
"It's nothing that fascinating, really. Just some files of survivors that slipped past the foundation's priority."
"Oh?"
"Ah, yeah. I just got to… uh, well…."
It's clear to Hinata that Komaeda isn't even listening. In fact, he seems far more focused on massaging Hinata's chest through his button up shirt, clingy fingers working upwards and then tracing down what parts of the man's stomach he could reach from this position, all in a circular motion, purposefully skipping over his sensitive spots.
And yet, even then, it's almost unbearable, and it's starting to get difficult for Hinata to think properly as he attempts to go over the papers. Especially as he starts to feel a familiar strain in his crotch.
"Komaeda," he speaks, perhaps a little too harshly, and he finds himself almost regretting it when Komaeda's hands halt. "I really got to get this paperwork done, y'know."
There's a short pause, before Komaeda responds with a simple, "Ah."
Another pause, but ever so slowly, his hands begin moving again, this time tracing the buttons of Hinata's shirts softly with his fingertips, as though waiting for a quiet nod of consent.
When Hinata doesn't stop him(he probably should, but his arousement is getting hard to deny), he becomes a little more forceful.
"Ah, of course," he adopts the tone that Hinata could recognize anywhere, resting his head on his shoulder, and the warm breaths that hit Hinata's nape makes him shiver.
"Of course, I wouldn't possibly want to interrupt Hinata-kun's hard work." He toys with the buttons that rest right on Hinata's chest. "Working so hard. So diligently. Don't you think you deserve a break?"
With a small pop, he undoes the button he was fiddling with, as well as Hinata's patience.
He bolts up, perhaps too fast as he hears Komaeda make a faint squeak of surprise. But that isn't what he focuses on as he turns towards the other.
"Komaeda," he hisses, sounding more stern than he meant to be, and instantly regretting it when the man instantly backs down.
"Aha, sorry, Hinata-kun. I shouldn't have, I know, of course, I'm such-"
"Komaeda," Hinata says in order to interrupt his spiral, sounding more gentler than before. And when Komaeda stops for a second, looking confused, he takes the chance to put their lips together.
It takes only a second of fumbling before they find their footing, and sure enough, Hinata only has to nip at Komaeda's lips and press their bodies together to get eager access to his mouth, a low moan spawning from his throat.
The way they fit into each other’s curves, hands moving in all the right places, refusing to leave each other, the lewd noises and growls that neither would believe the other knew to make had they just known each other vaguely… it’s addicting, and Hinata quickly finds just how much he’s missed this.
Considering both of their sex drives, it defintely wasn’t an uncommon occurrence between them. They maintained a healthy limit- but they certainly did it far more than most people. One of the few exceptions was this week. They had been far more busy than usual, and so barely had the chance to get together properly.
Of course, it only seems to make sense how all that repressed sexual tension would unload the moment they finally got time to themselves. So, Hinata can’t possibly get mad.
When they finally separate for breath, already looking like drooling messes, he isn’t given a chance to clear his head when Komaeda instead attacks his neck, applying open mouth kisses and slinking his hands underneath his shirt, taking his time to further undo the buttons.
“Fuck, Komaeda…” Hinata fails to stifle a moan, backing into the corner of the desk for support while keeping another hand entwined in the other’s soft locks.
At this point, he’s going to end up being dominated, and so he makes the hasty decision in order to regain control.
“Wait, wait, Komaeda,” he urges, tightening his grip on his hair. Sure enough, Komaeda stops to make eye contact with him, a look of attentiveness, yet also an obvious urge to continue, which is also something Hinata finds weirdly humorous.
"You're getting way too excited too fast," he calls out, his voice breathy, yet his smile proves how he wasn't actually annoyed.
"Ha, well, you can't really blame me," Komaeda retorts with a small chuckle, massaging Hinata's hips in a way that makes him groan.
Looking to at least get back at him for that, Hinata forcefully grinds their hips together, which earns him a surprised cry from his partner that helps him earn back some confidence.
"Desperate," he muses with a smirk, as though it's an insult, and he raises his knee enough to push it in between Komaeda's legs, against his crotch and plenty visible erection, which spawns another appealing whine from his boyfriend. "What do we do about this?"
"Haaaa, Hinata-kun," Komaeda's voice is already shaky and his face already a disaster of arousement, and as though he knows this, he buries his face into the shoulder of Hinata whilst also grinding against the knee he held in place. "Please, I-"
"You're already going to start begging?" Hinata's voice comes off more condescending than he intended it to, but he doesn't think Komaeda will mind at all this time. "I still have a busy night, you know. Maybe it'd be better to just tie you up and leave you to play with yourself, until I finish everything."
He comes up with the scenario at the top of his mind, and while he wasn't sure how good it would sound at first, imagining it manages to make him even more aroused.
"NO!" That idea is quickly scrapped by Komaeda's own bark, as though Hinata actually fully planned on doing it. "No, i-it has to be you Hinata-kun. It has to be you that, that fucks me." Him stumbling on his words seems to be less out of embarrassment, but rather, desperation. And god, does it turn Hinata on.
"Fuck, alright, alright, Komaeda." Truthfully, he's already quite desperate as well. There's no way he could even think of leaving Komaeda with them both like this. He wouldn't even be able to focus on his work, anyways.
He pushes Komaeda away softly while still holding his sweatershirt sleeve, to make sure he didn't think he was rejecting him. A good thing to do, as Komaeda had seemed ready to walk over to the bed.
He gave a blink at Hinata's hold. "Ah, Hinata-kun?"
"I'm going to fuck you over the desk," Hinata states far too simply. "So bend over for me, Komaeda."
This seems to work wonders for Komaeda's own arousement, as Hinata watches as his eyes widen with a familiar, excited look before he's even seemed to analyze what he said, before giving a submissive nod and happily listening.
The two trade spots near the desk(though not before Hinata makes sure to push the papers into a messy pile at the other corner of it), and Komaeda balances himself by pushing his upper body on the desk, making sure to display his lower half properly.
Hinata, in thanks, makes sure to marvel over it properly: firmly gripping at Komaeda's ass, which gets him another gasp from the man. Ah, yes. He's definitely missed this.
While as much as he'd like to fondle Komaeda's thighs, ass, and hips all night, he's sure they're both already close to their breaking point, especially judging by his boyfriend's own small whines.
"Take off your pants, Komaeda," Hinata orders, turning away to go to the bedside and fetch some lube. He can hear a dissatisfied noise from Komaeda when he takes his eyes off him, but as long as they're in the same room, Hinata doesn't have to explain himself.
(He would have made a joke about how this was evidence it was a good idea to have the desk in the bedroom, but he decided against it for risk of ruining the mood.)
When he turns back after grabbing the half-empty bottle, he's greeted with the sight of Komaeda's own bare ass, him not even having bothered to step out of the leggings and underwear that now pooled at his feet.
He still didn't make eye contact with him: Komaeda still had his head facing into the desk, but the way his body trembles as his hips are grazed with a single finger is all Hinata needs to know to tell what his face looks like.
"I didn't tell you to take off your underwear," Hinata accuses, though sounding far from angry. Komaeda's breath seems to halt for a moment, before starting to rambling:
"Apologies, I just assumed-"
"No, I get it, Komaeda." Hinata interrupted, and once again he grips the other's ass(perhaps even more aggressively, judging by Komaeda's inhale), contemplating just spreading it apart and preparing Komaeda already.
"You just can't handle yourself, right? So desperate, so horny, you just needed to get them off." He grins when Komaeda just makes a few shaky noises, leaning forwards on his back in order to mutter in his ear; "Such a needy little thing, aren't you?"
"Hinata-kun," Komaeda seems to object, his voice almost trembling as though Hinata had already put it in. "Your being cruel, teasing… please."
Komaeda plays his own trick, pushing back into Hinata's clothed erection, causing him to hiss at the unexpected friction.
"Fine, fine," he huffs, but he can't say he doesn't sympathize with Komaeda. Afterall, he definitely wants to get into him real soon as well.
Finally applying a good amount of lube to his fingertips and placing the bottle on the desk chair, Hinata brought a finger to Komaeda's entrance only to tease and circle the rim for a second or so, but objections from the man made him finally push it in.
Even just the way Komaeda starts making consistent mewls and the constricting heat that wraps around his finger is enough to get Hinata even more eager, the eroticiness giving him the want to continue faster.
And luckily, it doesn't take long to prepare Komaeda at all, as the second finger slips in with relative ease, and Hinata, already on his own limit, decides that he's ready enough, as much as he'd like to tease Komaeda a little more.
His partner gives another small whine when Hinata pulls his fingers out, but he doesn't respond, too set on unbuckling his pants.
There's a feeling of relief when he finally allows his cock into the air, before reaching for the lube again to apply it. He's in the middle of stroking a fair amount on(his arousal winning over the initial chills of first adding it), when Komaeda once again makes a noise of dissatisfaction, pushing his hips out as though Hinata had already forgotten about him.
"Come on," he complains, this time turning his head to look over his shoulder ever so slightly. "I need you to…. to just hurry up already."
Ah. It's at that time Hinata figures, maybe, he could bare to tease Komaeda a little longer.
"What do you want me to do?"
"...Ah?" An almost genuine sound of confusion, followed with an almost instant noise of supposed realization. "I, I want you to-"
"No, Komaeda. I want you to show me where you want me to fuck you. Otherwise, I'll have no idea."
There's a moment of silent hesitation, or Komaeda merely trying to think of what Hinata meant, before it seems to dawn on him anyhow.
Ever so carefully, as though putting on a show, Komaeda, keeping his head pressed against the desk but turning it to look at Hinata, brought his hands to cup his ass, spreading it open to give his partner a view of his entrance, slick with lube and almost twitching, as though begging as well.
"Here," Komaeda gives a shaky smile. "I want you to fuck me here. Fill me up, Hinata-kun, use me until you're satisfied, just please hurr- HA!"
Hinata wastes no more time in slamming into Komaeda, and at first it's painful with the tightness(he worries if he hurt Komaeda, too), but the warm, pleasurable heat wastes no time in fixing that.
The noise that Komaeda lets out is almost a scream, or the beginning of one, as he tilts his head up with an open mouthed expression, clearly taken offguard.
"Fuck, Komaeda…" The name rings on his tongue so naturally he can't help but keep on cursing it.
The tightness of Komaeda's insides that seem to constrict around him everytime he tries to move, the satisfying heat, and the wet noises that spawns… it causes Hinata's head to already start going dizzy, wondering how he could have gone without this for almost an entire week.
But he doesn't get to ponder any longer, when Komaeda forcefully thrusts his hips back at him, clearly desperate to continue.
Hinata makes a small noise of acknowledgement, before holding onto Komaeda's hips. For a moment, however, he finds his hands tracing along everything else he can reach, appreciating Komaeda's ass, thighs, and reaching for his untouched cock, speckled with precum, only to be halted by another push backwards from him and a low whine.
Hinata finally gets a better, full grip on Komaeda's waist, before testing the waters by slowly grinding into him. The soft sounds from his partner spurs him on, and he lets out his own low sounds as he angles himself in an attempt to get deeper.
He knows he's hit a good spot when Komaeda lets out a small cry. "There…!"
Hinata grins at this, brushing the spot again, but never actually thrusting into Komaeda's prostate, which gets him another keel.
"You're… you're doing it again!" Komaeda breathes, once again attempting to turn his head over to Hinata, his face cast in a complete fluster.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Hinata lies, giving his best aloof impression, only to regret it when Komaeda once again pushes back with a new kind of intent, which gets him to let out his own embarrassing groan.
"Hurry up, Hinata-kun," he objects, already starting his own pace as he continues to thrust back bit by bit. "I… I need this. Come, come on, come on,come-"
He's cut off by his own primal yet breathy shout, when Hinata finally obeys and slams right into his prostate, nails digging into Komaeda's skin, and him digging into the surface of the desk.
"Yes," a hazed, pleased chant, "yes, yes, that feels good, Haj-"
But Hinata doesn't give him a chance to say anything, losing himself in favor of forcefully pounding into Komaeda.
The sounds of their skin smacking ruthlessly and Komaeda's lewd noises filling the room is erotic enough to get Hinata to loose almost all of his common sense, leaning forward to kiss the nape of his partner's neck.
"Komaeda," he sighs, slowing his pace, but only slightly. "Nagito, you feel amazing, it's so good inside you-"
Despite his trembling, Komaeda still meets Hinata's thrusts with each buck of hips, and yet even staying more forceful- as though doing his best to get Hinata to hurry, to go even deeper.
The whole situation is hot, both figuratively and literally, and as embarrassing as it could be to admit, Hinata was already getting close to his climax.
Losing much of his usual care, Hinata slows down only to angle himself correctly, and begins chasing his high by thrusting into Komaeda at a brutal pace.
His partner's own strangled noises that sound more akin to sobs than just moans and groans doesn't faze him, rather spurring him on.
It doesn't take long for Komaeda to beat him to his orgasm, as he lets out a shrill noise that has the same intensity as a scream, and the feelings of his walls clenching onto him is all Hinata needs to finally reach his own, giving a final desperate thrust or two before burying himself as deep as he can reach into Komaeda, and instinctively biting into his shoulder.
Their hips seemed to tremble together, until Hinata finished emptying himself. There's a moment of silence, the room being filled with merely their own harsh breathing, attempting to recollect themselves.
Komaeda's whole body is shaking so much that Hinata fears that if he pulled out and let go of his hips, he'd fall right onto the floor, and so he keeps his grip firm.
But the feeling gets uncomfortable soon, and he pulls out, ignoring Komaeda's own noises of discomfort. The sight of his stretched, wet hole is enough to arouse Hinata again, so he turns his attention on the other's back, loosening but still keeping a grip on his waist.
"We," he huffs, still out of breath, "...should take a bath."
He's surprised when this causes Komaeda to suddenly raise his head, breathing an almost inaudible, shaky, "no".
He also doesn't expect his partner to turn himself around by slightly straightening his back and grabbing onto Hinata's shirt, taking a step only to almost immediately crumble.
Hinata quickly catches Komaeda in his arms, a look of sudden concern filling his face. The man takes advantage of the support, swinging his arms around the other's neck to make proper eye contact with him.
Komaeda looks like a mess, tears staining the corner of his eyes and drool running down his lips, all while his face is almost entirely red. His eyes are also hazy, as though he's not entirely connected with reality.
"Hajime," Komaeda attempts a grin, especially when the use of Hinata's given name causes his boyfriend's face to get red, "let's go… another round."
Hinata opens his mouth to say something, but looking down at his clearly needy partner, he can't find it in himself to object.
something short and sweet, with not too much analyzing and dialogue. still, i hope its enjoyable lol
ao3
14: things you said after you kissed me.
It's a kiss, simple as that. Nothing new.
They've exchanged stuff like that so many times it'd become a casuality(but that's normal for couples, isn't it?), but those times had always been more raw, emotional spurs that were too passionate and lead to gripping at bedsheets, something that was too usual for them, almost, and Komaeda always just woke up sore.
This time. This time it's different.
Because Hinata's lips are soft against his, warm and captivating, but there's barely any pressure to it. He expects to be bitten, to open his mouth, to let Hinata in to deepen it, to be pushed against the bed he sat on, but there's none of that.
Even as Komaeda parts his lips by habit, he only feels Hinata pull away.
Small. A chaste kiss.
And when Komaeda blinks he only feels Hinata wrap his arms around him, accepting and warm, and then the guy tucks his head over Komaeda's shoulder, keeping his face from view.
...It's unusually soft, this position, with seconds of nothing but quiet breaths, chests pushing against each other, wrapped in this comforting embrace. Before Hinata speaks up, his voice almost a whisper(though Komaeda could hear it clearly), breaths brushing against the surface of the other's pale nape.
"I love you."
Those words aren't just delicate. He says them like it's a factual statement, so simple, despite the weight that they held. It makes Komaeda want to laugh.
"Hinata-kun-"
"Sorry. This is fine, Right?"
Though asked so softly and genuinely, he doesn't feel Hinata's grip loosen at all. In fact, it almost feels as though it was tightened.
But there's something else there. Something deeper in that simple question, because with the way Hinata holds him, it almost becomes a plea.
Unspoken words of I need this. A need for the tenderness, for the stability, for a minute of comfort.
...Hinata-kun could be selfish at times.
Then again, Komaeda supposed he was selfish as well, huh?
He finds his arms curling around the other, silently returning the embrace. He finds that he doesn't care that much about being so close to Hinata. It's oddly comforting, afterall.
"Yeah," Komaeda breathes, voice barely a whisper, as he allows his eyes to slip shut. "This is fine."
If you want, could you do 20 for komahina?? Thank you!!!
aright now here is a longer and angstier one. feel like i could have improved, but im honestly chill with how this turned out. i sorta allowed the definition of the prompt go lose, so i apologize if it wasnt what u were expecting lol
ao3
20: things you said that i wasn’t meant to hear
"I love you."
Three simple words, that weren't to be thrown around so carelessly.
Three simple words Komaeda wasn't meant to hear.
Especially not coming from a talentless figure of hope.
No, no. Calling Hajime Hinata a figure of hope was a term he wasn't sure if he liked.
That title was better suited for the man he had been before. An amazing man, made out of artificial hope and a lack of empathy. A man that only succeeded in going against his very purpose, and following the goal of that despairful bitch with bright red nails.
Surely though, at the very end, Kamukura could have brought hope, like he was meant to. All bad things lead to hopeful things, afterall. Or so he seemed to try to ponder.
...Hajime Hinata.
Hinata-kun.
The boy Komaeda couldn't wrap his head around at all.
Because he didn't make sense.
Hajime Hinata was supposed to be a bug Komaeda could squash under his foot. Nothing more than a measly reserve course student. Living on nothing more than a lie.
But Hinata… was more like a roach. Or a fly. No matter what seemed to happen, Komaeda couldn't squish him under his heel, and so that bug stayed, as pesky as ever.
An annoyance that lived on impossible circumstances.
Yet an annoyance that had seemed to capture the hearts of the others who lived on the island. The ultimates who had once succumbed to despair, and hardly deserved to live unpunished.
But it would be hypocritical for Komaeda to leave himself out.
And he tried to burn himself out, to put an end to the game of despair.
But his bad luck didn't seem to go away. Which was why he was here in the first place, lying in a hospital bed with a discarded hand, instead of being rightfully gone with those flames.
Still on the same island he had thought he had destroyed.
He can't understand why he was still here. Why? Why?
He had asked the same question to Hinata, he remembered, after the pest came to visit him once again in that same hospital room.
Yet Komaeda had only been met with a cocked eyebrow and a question right back at him.
"What do you mean?"
"Don't act dumb with me," a disgruntled sound emitted from Komaeda. "We both know I should be dead."
"But you aren't. So stop saying shit like that."
A chuckle, sounding more like a choke.
"Why are you even bothering me anymore, Hinata-kun?"
"I'm bothering you?" was a light response, before Hinata looked away from him. "Well, the answer's obvious, so I'm not sure why you're even asking, especially when it's embarrassing to say. I care about you, alright?"
I care about you.
Komaeda had found another four words he wasn't meant to hear. Because the idea of them felt far too unreal.
He can't remember when it started. A bit before the robotic replacement had been installed, perhaps.
Perhaps it was because the tension had grown too strong, or Hinata had grown too sick of his voice. But either way the two of them had ended up with their lips crashed together in Komaeda's cabin, and things had only shamelessly progressed.
A relationship that may have been better to never exist, but at the same time, probably couldn't not exist.
That was always something Komaeda couldn't understand about Hinata.
How the other could possibly bare to look at him in the eyes, at his body, at anything about him. How the other could possibly bare to wake up with him in the morning, and to check on him so often.
If Hinata was a fly, Komaeda was definitely trash. An unhealthy attraction.
He questions it. How someone as worthless as Hinata could possibly become so great. How someone like him could be aspiring, to work alongside the Ultimate Hope himself.
How someone like him could possibly spend time with someone like Komaeda, who disappointed even himself.
It's one of those nights, where he hears it for the first time.
Sitting in bed, at whatever god forsaken time, with his mind going too fast, but still with a compulsion to leave, run away. A spiral.
But in that state, he gets up way too quickly, and it's not really a surprise when he hears the mumbling beside him.
"Komaeda…?"
Hinata sounds half asleep, of course. Komaeda doesn’t turn around to look at him.
"Ah, Hinata-kun, don't worry. Go back to bed." Some half hearted reassurance, all he can muster, as he tries to get his feet off and onto the floor, but he's stopped by a forceful grab to his wrist.
Had Hinata-kun always had such a firm grip?
"Hey, where are you going?"
"Just for a walk."
"What are you talking about? It's the middle of the night, Komaeda."
This is where Komaeda finally turns his head to meet the eyes of the boy laying aside him. Hinata had prompted himself with his other arm, his eyes rather active for someone who had just been woken up, glaring.
(Perhaps he's disillusioned, but he could swear they were glowing, as well.)
"And I can make my own decisions, can I not?"
"Obviously," is Hinata's almost distrungled sounding voice, "but I'm not sure if I…"
"Trust me?" Komaeda fills in, and in the second of silence after that, he chuckles dryly, a gross sound even to his own ears.
"That's not the point." Is the only denial. Well, of course. Hinata-kun wasn't one to lie about that kind of stuff, but he wouldn't agree with Komaeda either.
"You're sweating, Komaeda. You need to relax. Lay back down."
Ah… was he sweating? Komaeda places his real hand to his face, and only then that he realises that it's shaking, as he feels what definitely is cold damp sweat running down his brow.
He hadn't even noticed. How hilarious.
He wants to laugh again, but he finds it getting stuck in his throat.
"That doesn't matter," he musters instead. "Hinata-kun, we both know it doesn't matter-"
But he's cut off by an arm around his chest, and before he can resist he's pulled onto his side, that same arm keeping him in place.
"Breathe."
A one word request, yet somehow demanding.
But Komaeda can't deny that it feels warm and firm in the half embrace, and he attempts to focus on that, shutting his eyes.
Security.
He tries to focus on the sounds of the other person beside one, Hinata's own breathing. A rhythmic sound, that pulls him to copy. His breathing slowly, evening… quieting down. He realises just then how bad it had been.
There's a moment of silence, nothing but the two's breathing, before he hears Hinata sigh and suddenly he's being pulled in closer, until he's inches away from the other's chest.
Komaeda can practically hear the other's heartbeat, if he focuses on it, and for some reason that causes his own heartbeat to go a little faster.
"You're here, Komaeda."
Words that dont really make sense, but weren't any less reassuring, said in a delicate tone.
He was here. With Hinata.
And there's some shifting, with Hinata moving his legs and tilting his head inwards in order to get comfortable, and Komaeda follows suit, with less movements.
And that's when it happens. The small three words, barely above a whisper, as though Hinata was trying to make sure Komaeda didn't catch it.
"I love you."
And Komaeda's breath hitches in his throat, and his fingers grasp to the bedsheets.
(Had Hinata-kun even realised what he said that night? Wasn't it most likely he was still half asleep, still in a disillusioned state?)
Ah. Ah.
It's strange, because logically, that sentence should be something that would bring him comfort, as out of the blue as it was.
But no, it was far too casual, and he doesn't get it, why would Hinata-kun say something like that to him-
(Half asleep. Not thinking. That had to be it.)
To throw around stuff like that so casually. It's disturbing, and truly, Hinata-kun must be cruel.
(He couldn't have meant it.)
Those words were something Komaeda had craved with his whole being. To be held like this, to be told that, to be loved.
But those thoughts had always been a fantasy, something that he knew he was never actually meant to hear. Something that he'd never get the chance to hear.
He can barely remember ever being told it. Not even when he was younger, when even his father refused to say it, and his mother only whispered it at times and places where it was certain no harm would befall them, for fear of bad luck.
(But none of those precautions had mattered in the end.)
He knew what those words meant, what they foretold. Words anyone else could listen to, but not him, because the punishment was far too harsh, too harsh-
He doesn't even realize he's grabbed onto the night shirt Hinata still had on, so hard his knuckles were turning white. Afterall, Hinata didn't make a movement. It was clear he had fallen back asleep already.
Unaware of Komaeda, who was not even able to emit a noise, even as he trembles.
Komaeda isn't sure whether to be grateful he wasn't disturbing him,
or to wish for him to wake up, as he finds he can't fall asleep for the next few hours. Pondering, pestering thoughts, but not being able to move.
