3 Ways to Fix MLB's Speed Problem
Welcome to the 21st century, Rob Manfred and Major League Baseball!
The G.O.L. (Grand Old League) just enacted new provisions to speed up the game in an effort to appease attention-deficient millennials. It's about time that something's been done; we refuse to sit through another four-hour Yanks-Sawx Sunday nighter.
But Manfred hasn't done enough. We offer some better ideas to make the game more appealing to the Worst Generation:
The 'Vine' Rule: From the moment the pitchers receive the ball from the catcher, they have just six seconds to begin their next wind-up. If the pitcher does not do so in the allotted time, the pitch is considered a ball. Likewise, the batter should be in the batter's box ready to hit within the six seconds allotted. Please, MLB: Do it for the Vine.
Force the Reduction of Intra-Inning Commercials: Cut the idea of commercials between pitching changes and the tops and bottoms of innings to, let's say, three per game. Compromise, people. There's way too much time in between innings - the only people who benefit are fans in stadium with poor bladder control and ad execs. We don't need to see the same Bud Light, W.B. Mason, Joseph A. Bank, Cellino & Barnes, etc. commercials thrice in the same hour. The hooks are catchy enough to hypnotize us after one viewing anyway.
Bring Back Steroids: You didn't hear anyone complaining about the lack of excitement on the diamond when Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa were juiced up and gunning for Roger Maris's record, did yah? Yes, with the reintroduction of HGH and 'cream', there's an issue of integrity and a complication with keeping records -- but at the the end of the day, the MLB will be more concerned with upping ad revenue and viewership, both of which would increase if the home run records get threatened again. Barry Bonds is a villain, so why not make him a target? VIVA LA BALCO.