A Plagarised Tumblr Post
Flug: Why do witches like always wanna fatten kids up before they eat them?? Fat is like the grossest part of meat.
Dem: Why hello there, little children~. Please follow me to my magical...FITNESS ROOM. NO P A N S I E S ALLOW BEYOND THIS PINT. LEAVE YOUR WHINING AT THE DOOR BECAUSE IT’S LEG DAY AND WE’RE ABOUT TO GET R-R-R-RIPPE D.
BH: Because they’re always cooking said kids in cauldrons and ovens - aka long cooking times at lowish heat. If you do that to fatty meat, the fat melts completely and the meat gets tear-it-apart-with-a-fork soft, If you do it to lean meat, you get tiny little sad meat bits that bring no joy to anyone.
Dem: Well you did ask.
BH: Also there’s wisdom in fattening them up on sweets and other carbs. A meatless, carb-rich diet makes for more tender and flavourful meat.
Flug: You are arguing over the semantics of EATING CHILDREN.
Dem: Well yeah, you gotta get this shit right or it’s a waste of 40-80 lbs. of meat.
BH: Plus if you feed them a high fat, low nutrition diet, they’re easier to subdue and less likely to run away, which would be a concern for an elderly crone.
Flug: Thank you, Old Witch with Candy House side of tumblr.
BH: Don’t forget about bacon.
Dem: -casually whistles the Chili’s Baby Back Ribs jingle-
(og post)
