Derrick Landon aka the Playa “MILF Milker” roams the campgrounds in the outer rings between Vegan Breath and 2:30 looking for RV doors ajar where he can spot middle-aged dust bunnies looking to play a little hide the hacky sack if ya know what he means. Derrick has been burning since ‘14 when he turned 18 and hasn’t once bought a ticket, a meal, or a ride or showered. While his zero contribution game is admired by fellow Burner gigolos “Titty Suckler” and “Starlight Mommy’s Boy,” some of those more radically self-reliant feel he may be taking advantage of these campsite cougars. To that he responds, “Hey man, ya know, these ladies, they just like straight need love too - I don’t care if they're married, just had neck lipo or like need to cry. I’m not gonna be the one to turn it away ya know - there are guys like me lining up for a free bed. Also, they get like that raw lit sass from Laguna Beach and they don’t mind sharing with a guy like me.” Burn strong this year, young Milf Milker, those thong panties may one day be outgrown.