coming to hatchetfield had awoken something in julia. she felt more like herself to some degree, which was both great and exhausting. she could feel the scared teenager clawing deep into the dirt, crawling out of the grave she had made for herself years ago when she should have died. and god, julia was scared. she was scared to return to a life she hated. the city in ohio consumed her and she was in constant survival mode with that and work. she was constantly proving herself in a room full of people who wouldn't listen, and the real julia? she didn't want to do that. she didn't want to fight anymore.
more importantly than that, she knew she had some major apologizing to do. she had shut @playbarbie away for years. she had been awful to her sister. a fucking frigid bitch when it had been julia's job to protect her sister. would lenore forgive her? probably, but the guilt was still eating away at julia. did she deserve forgiveness?
it was the day after her talk with mikey, and the two had been up for a couple of hours. there was some light packing happening, but it was more a game of chicken to see who would say they wanted to go home first. julia was folding up her pajamas from the night before while jeopardy played on the television ahead, a quiet sigh leaving her lips as she reached over to hit the power button the television.
" i'm sorry, " she stated bluntly to begin with, giving a quiet swallow as she turned to face her sister. " i know . . . i've not been the sister you needed the past few years, and i've been . . . really fucking terrible to you. i don't -- i don't want you to blame yourself, lenny. none of this . . . nothing of what happened to us was yours, or any of our fault . . . a -and don't say ' it's okay ' because it's really not -- nothing of what i've done to you is okay. "
