#pleasegivemetime

[mermaidgirl1990]

#RealTalk #beinghonest #mythoughts #pleasegivemetime #bepatientwithme #facebookstatus https://www.instagram.com/p/CBPXLqyHaFgeqrrB6cBtL_juhmoTVtCSMU1cp40/?igshid=hy8ive0sc066

[fattyneedsoreos]

My family is broken

I haven’t sat with my entire family at the dinner table for over a year now.. Last year I spent Christmas in bed.. all day. My brother, I’m pretty sure he’s lost forever now. I can’t trust him with anything anymore, and nearly got me killed twice. My sister hardly speaks to me, I haven’t seen my neice or brother in law.. My mother, she cares.. but I absolutely have to keep my space from her at this point. My father is the only one I speak to on a regular basis. Which I am so damn thankful for.

I’m so happy I have you, to be here. Next to me every day. I lost the trust and love of so many people last year, I was hurting so much that I just wanted to give up. If it wasn’t for you and my father, I would have disappeared by now.. Thank you so much. I just pray, someday, that I can see my family whole again. Possibly see another, different family again that will look at me with pride. Instead of disgust. Because that’s all I can see, when I know that they look at and watch anything I post. Yes, I know you guys keep an eye on me. That’s okay. I just hope you’ll look at me the way you used to again. I truly had a lot of love for all of you. I was just hurt, felt.. abandoned. Got no closure. I don’t deal with those things so well, as you could see. Maybe it was for the best. I just wish I had made better decisions. I don’t blame you for walking away. I’m surprised you even hugged me, the last time you saw me. My heart dropped when you did, all I could feel was shame and regret.

Just please don’t blame me for expressing and feeling my hurt.. Because now I’m working through it, the right way. I just want to feel whole again, the way I used to..