World Cup HD-Cristiano Ronaldo
This one is kind of a "duh", a unanimous HD. If your underwear hasn't hit the floor, you must be dead or asexual (or not wearing underwear).
His grooming choices are definitely bottom of the barrel Douche: shaped brows, leatha tan, diamond studs, greasy-on-purpose hair---but LAWD, there is still something about him that makes you go against all better judgment and self-esteem. Well, he's hot. Just makes you wanna slap your mama. Not sure if he would reject me for having more body hair than him, but I'd let him get filthy after summoning the HD holy trinity to protect me: preventive Valtrex, Costco box-o-condoms, and installation of a bleach-spurting bidet for after. I'll woo him by flashing my Sally Hansen pre waxed strips at the cluh. As you can see, I've thought this out.