#pocparenting

[theeternalwomb]

I hate to see people talk about and criticize little black girls for doing practically anything, feeling good about themselves, dressing up, getting their nails done, behaving like children, etc. it just makes me sick. And it comes from every direction, from inside the black community and outside of it. I hate to see shit like that and it sucks because it plagues the mind and creates and further solidifies negative energy in my body and in my spirit because I was a little black girl too and I’m a black woman today, that is how generational trauma and nervous systems get destroyed, you start to carry those things with you when you have to see and combat them all the time. My advice for black women especially because you never get a break from it and black people is to flourish and grow and do whatever tf you feel like despite what them people are talking about even the ones who look like you!! Live your life, laugh, express yourself, ignore people like that and instances where they try to sneak their way into your algorithm and unsettle your spirit. Nothing good comes out of it, those are outdated schools of thought designed to create stagnancy in your lives and make you sick. I think our people have done enough keeping our ears, minds and hearts open to the negativity of this world towards us in the name of vigilance, safety, and the simple fact that we have no other choice but to be aware that it is happening. They want you to be aware, they want you to be afraid, they want you to carry it with you, for it to be ingrained within you. Decenter it.

[theeternalwomb]

A lot of people may not like this one but I think as black women we have a responsibility to our daughters to let them express themselves the way they want to express themselves, especially as a community of women whose femininity has been demonized or otherwise stolen from them for no reason other than because it can be. There’s a lot of discourse about what’s too grown for our daughters or what they are and aren’t allowed to do or express themselves as because we want to protect them from the world or because we don’t want them to be seen a particular way. A lot of this stems from us not being able to protect ourselves and protect our girls from abusers, from pedophiles, from passerby’s whom only desired to consume our daughters, dishonor them, or take from them. But, there comes a time as a community where we have to heal from our trauma, heal from the internalized sexualization of our children and daughters. When we talk about self victimization in the black community, let us not make the mistake of thinking that we have no right to feel upset or be traumatized after what we’ve experienced or the generational trauma we’ve endured and passed down to one another, but let it be a conversation about in which ways we continue to oppress ourselves or hurt one another because of things we’ve learned and are having a hard time letting go of so that we can flourish. This is common in all ethnic households, not just black ones, but because I’m a black woman, I’ll speak from a black experience. Outside of people of color, there is not a reality of a young girls femininity, beauty, or expression being policed so aggressively or limited so easily.

[theeternalwomb]

This is actually such a good perspective, I think so many parents get wrapped up in what their kids shouldn’t do or maintaining control over their children often to unhealthy amounts. There’s absolutely no reason to shoot your child’s ideas down or discourage them or tell them no for no apparent reason if there safety is not at risk or anything of the sort. I think it’s always “no, that’ll make a mess.” “No, because I just don’t feel like it” “no, because I said so” but what about your child though?? I also saw a TikTok the other day where a little boys dad had threatened to take his door off the hinges if he kept closing the door simply because his mother told him not to while he was using his imagination to play a real life game of among us. Not only did he not provide his child with an explanation as to why he couldn’t close the door he also threatened to completely take his privacy away.

“Why on earth would you think intimidating children is a win.”

“I shouldn’t have to explain this to you.”

Most common mistake most of our parents especially parents of color constantly make. I’m not sure where the constant urge to control your child and place fear in them to feel superior really stems from. I experience it with my own mother and I see it with other peoples parents as well. Threatening, belittling, (maybe) even telling them no or denying them experiences simply because you don’t care for it or don’t want them to do it, etc etc.

I think the whole point of being a child and having a childhood is to be a child and make memories and experience things. Holding your child back with unnecessary controlling ideas or superiority complexes or simply because what your child desires makes no sense to you is a dangerous thing to carry while raising a child. They have expressive imaginations for a reason, communicate the way they do for a reason, have big emotions and big ideas for a reason, not sure why you would ever want to put a lock on your baby/child and stump them so they grow up and have issues like self esteem issues where they feel they aren’t capable of making good and right decisions and anything of the sort.