Am I the only one who’s too scared to make a decision whether to have a surgery or not? Due to my funny combination of disorders I’ve had a lot of nerve and arterial damage over the years and when I need a surgery, it’s usually an emergency and not much of a choice. But this time it’s totally my choice. I’m having the first in a series of surgeries of my feet next week. If it all goes well, I should be able to walk again, so I was absolutely sure I wanted these surgeries. And now I’m freaking out that it was the worst decision ever, doctors never succeeded in repairing my damaged nerves anyway, so this won’t help at all and my HNPP-related symptoms will only get worse again as it often happens whenever I have a surgery. And I'm used to my wheelchair, so why am I trying my luck anyway? 2018 wasn’t a very good year for me health-wise and I couldn’t move much for most of the year. Now that I’m getting better, I’m scared I’ll just needlessly trigger new problems again. Ah, well. Sorry for the rant, I’m just panicking. I hate hospitals. May be it’s cowardly, but I prefer it when doctors make decisions for me and when something goes wrong, it’s not my fault. But I’m really determined to have the most movable feet in existence. Ballerinas better watch out.