#poly!bau

[ajsbau]

Need to write a fic about them having a competition to see who could romance the ladies of their polycule the best

[fostershyperfixator]

JJ: Hi, I’m SSSA Jareau and these’s are SSSA’s Prentiss, Hotch, Reid, Morgan, Greenaway, Blake, Gideon, Garcia, Rossi, Lewis, Alvez, Callahan, Walker, Todd, Seaver, and Simmons.

*everyone waves*

Local cop: S SSA?

JJ: Sufferers of Same Sex Attraction

Rossi: I quite enjoy it myself

Local Cop: aren’t you all with the Behavioral Analysis Unit

JJ: No, we’re with the NBAU: the Never Beating the Allegations Unit

[royalbookerly]

One Halloween Penelope goes around with a bunch of names in a hat and makes everybody pull one. Turns out, they're all names from the team. JJ gets Rossi, Rossi gets Pen Herself, Pen gets Hotch, Hotch gets Reid, Reid gets Prentiss, Prentiss gets Morgan, and Morgan wraps back around and gets JJ.

Penelope claps her hands once. "Great! Those are your halloween costumes for the party this year. If you don't commit, you get no food or alcohol. See you all there! :]" and walks away.

The halloween episode that year is actually just everyone trying to shop. No unsub just thrift stores and tears

[ghoulie-67-baby]

Don’t want to sleep alone - Poly!BAU team.

Summary: After a hard unsub takedown you and Spencer end up cuddled together on the sofa, being admired by your Polycule.

Warnings: Poly!BAU (I will go down with this ship), typical Criminal minds stuff, fluff, mentions of sub/dom dynamics, subspace, cuddling etc.

Pairing: Poly!BAU x GN!reader. Spencer Reid x GN!reader.

Word count: 968.

My body groaned in protest as I climbed the steps to the jet. The sooner I was in the comfort of my own bed the better I would feel. I set my bag down on the floor beside the sofa before trudging to the kitchenette, shoulders heavy and head thumping.

"Anyone want a drink whilst I'm here?" I called out, mid-yawn, humming at the collective replies. I waited on the kettle boiling, pouring David a scotch and Emily water before pulling out mine and Spencer's matching Doctor Who mugs.

"Thank you, Dolcezza," I shuffled to hand David his drink, grinning as JJ brushed past me, hands brushing my hips gently. My body sang happily when the Italian pressed a kiss to my hand and squeezed it gently. I felt a pat on my butt as I walked past Derek to Emily who pressed a small peck to my lips before settling into her seat.

I finished making our tea in a comfortable silence, handing Spencer his, warning him to be careful. My body sagged in my chair across from the sofa Spencer had claimed and I sipped my drink with a heavy sigh, wincing as my bones seemed to scrape each other.

"You okay Sweetie?" My eyes met JJ's in a soft glance and I smiled reassuringly. "You still hurting?"

"Hmm, I'm okay." I bit my lip, hoping she didn't sense the hesitance.

"Y/N." Aaron's voice was low with warning, so he had cottoned onto my dishonesty. My eyes flickered to his, noticing the softness in them despite his tone.

"Honest, I'm fine, just tired and sore." I flexed my neck, grimacing at the crack that seemed to reverberate through the jet. "That guy was huge, knocked me through that door like I weighed nothing but I'll be fine."

"Awww poor baby, do you want a massage?" I shook my head at Derek's teasing, and stuck my tongue out at him, noticing the flash of darkness in his eyes at my cheekiness.

"You need a long hot bath and those essential oils that Penelope bought you when we get home. I'd be more than happy to wash your hair and pamper you." JJ's voice was sweet and gentle as her motherly instincts kicked in and I couldn't help the warmth that fluttered through my body as I nodded in agreement.

"That and hydration and rest will do you the world of good, it's one of the best ways to recover sore muscles along with active healing like running and other exercise." I sent a small glare to the genius, a small smile slipping onto my face when he shrugged in surrender. "But I have a feeling you don't want to be doing that."

"Yeah maybe not baby, think I'll go for the hot bath." I smiled at Spencer, relaxing in my seat as much as my muscles would allow and observing my team as they settled down. Derek's headphones were on, Emily was reading over the case files with Aaron, David was nursing his scotch, JJ was texting and Spencer was slouched on the sofa with his book, eyes drooping as he attempted to read. I watched in amusement for a few seconds until he jerked himself awake.

"Spence, you're going to end up hurting your neck sat like that." I chuckled to myself softly and stood, grabbing one of the big blankets kept on board for situations like this. My scolding was soft, feeling myself slipping into exhaustion too but ignoring it in favour of looking after my genius. "Lay down properly baby, get some rest." I didn't realise the attention I'd brought to us both as I draped the blanket across the sweet, sleepy doctor.

"M' not tired, honest, m'just having a minute" he tried to fight it, the glassy look in his eyes proved it to be a blatant lie and I cooed at him, brushing his curls from his eyes.

"Don't you lie to me," I whispered, "Don't let Aaron hear you telling fibs." I shook my head as I slipped a little into my head. When I got tired it was so easy to slip into subspace, so easy to feel small and in need of love and comfort, in need of a cuddle and sleep and after the case we'd had I wasn't surprised I was slipping fast.

"Don't wanna sleep on m'own." Spencer's voice was small and vulnerable, bringing tears to my eyes at how sad he sounded. His arms snaked amount my thigh as he pulled me closer to him "Stay with me, please." I hesitated for a moment before letting myself slip a little further with a nod. Sliding off my shoes and jacket, I motioned for him to scoot back before pulling back the blanket and crawling onto the sofa. Arms instantly wrapped around me, pulling me by the waist back against his chest as he spooned me. I winced as he pressed against my bruised ribs but held back any noise so he didn't think he'd hurt me. After a little shuffling, we finally got comfortable, his hand clasped in mine, draped over my waist and bodies pressed together sweetly. I suppressed a little moan of happiness as his warmth seeped into my sore body, soothing me and making me drowsier.

My eyes felt heavier and heavier by the second as Spence's heartbeat slowed against my back and his breathing evened out. Soft breaths puffed against the back of my neck where he'd nestled his face, pressing a last kiss to my nape as he nodded off. My eyes did one last swoop of the jet, comforted by all the soft smiles and admiring eyes I saw until I finally succumbed to sleep, comfortable in the company of my family and the arms of our baby boy.

[chrono083]

So y'know that episode of Criminal Minds (my research has led me to believe it was 4x02) when Hotch gets his ear fucked up? What if that was a permanent thing, his ear is just FUCKED?

Sure, it'd impede his work but that's a whole different can of worms from what I'm talking about

Imagine someone (my mind is inclined to say Garcia, but Rossi could be funny too) whispering all seductively in his ear just to pull away and see completely stone faced Hotch and go "Shit, wrong ear"

[cherryspence]

the whole bau was in love with spencer at one point

[vastya36]

Do you think poly!BAU all have their own rooms or do you think they all share one big room with separate beds? Or maybe they have like three king beds pushed together that Penelope makes custom bedding for

[jk-unless]

What’s Going On Here?

Pairing: Poly!BAU (Season 1 Team + Emily) x Reader

Summary: You join the BAU and immediately notice something a little…strange.

A/N:Fair warning that this is an extremely self indulgent fic and the characters are a little ooc because of it.I also wrote it in a headcanon format because I didn’t know how to go about it an a regular format…I apologize for this mess in advance.

̽𖧧 ָ࣪ ̽𖧧 ָ࣪ ̽𖧧 ָ࣪ ̽𖧧 ࣪

A new face never goes unnoticed in the BAU for long,especially during a slow period where no new cases are coming in.

You just so happen to join during one of them.The team was grateful for the break,but they were all bored out of their minds and you were the most excitement that they had had all week.

You were greeted very warmly,everyone (except for Reid) offering their hand for a quick shake when Gideon and Hotch first introduced you.You had everyone’s undivided attention and,frankly,it was a little overwhelming.

Not long after you joined,cases started to pile in again.

You immediately proved yourself to be very useful during discussions and on the field,therefore quickly earning respect from your colleagues.

All in all,you were fitting into the team very well…for the most part.

It was obvious that the team had formed a very strong bond and,despite feeling a little left out at times , you understood that it’d take a minute for you to become part of that bond.

However…there was more to it than that.

It was the way they would get so emotional and their decision making would become so irrational when one of the others were compromised.

It was the way any time they would brush past each other,they’d lean into the touch just the slightest bit.

It was the mean and unwelcoming look they gave any intruder that flirted with one of them while working a case or just having a night out.

It was the way they smiled at each other.Sometimes coy sometimes suggestive,but almost always flirtatiously.

You really didn’t mean to jump to any conclusions.Maybe they were just really good friends.Maybe they all were just flirts and physically affectionate by nature.

But if being a behavioral analyst made you good at anything, it was studying people.And your studies show that there was something not entirely platonic going on between these people.

The only exception was Gideon.He didn’t look like an outsider by any means,but you were pretty sure that he wasn’t involved in whatever was going on.

As soon as you came to your conclusion,you tried to push it into the depths of your mind as to not think about it.

Because if they haven’t outright said anything to you about it after over half a year,it obviously wasn’t something they felt comfortable with sharing.

But they were making it so hard!

How were you suppose to ignore the protective,almost possessive hand that Aaron would put on the back of whoever was closest to him when the team would go out for drinks at night?

Or the way Emily would look away annoyed every time Derek would have to flirt with a potential suspect to get something out of them?(At first you thought it was because she thought it was unprofessional,but that was proven to not be the case when Derek would have to subtly comfort her afterwards.)

And were you just suppose to act like you didn’t notice Spencer’s puffy lips and flustered face when he walked out of Penelope’s office in a hurry??

Despite all of this, nothing confirmed your suspicions more than your one year anniversary celebration.

You genuinely didn’t even plan on mentioning it,was completely ready to go about the day like any other day.

Until Penelope and Elle invited you to a little sleepover.Neither of them mentioned the anniversary in the invitation,so you figured that they didn’t know about it and just wanted to hang out.

That is,until you walked into Elle’s house and was met with the entire team.

They yelled out ”Surprise!” with big,excited smiles on their faces and you couldn’t help but tear up at the sentiment.

They teased you lightheartedly,pulled you in for a group hug,and the party officially began.

You were having a great time the entire night and as the night went by…the mood began to shift.

Of course the team would be more comfortable and let loose outside of the office…but this wasn’t how you expected them to do that.

Emily and Aaron were sitting over on the couch talking in hushed voices as Emily softly played with the hair at the nape of his neck.

Derek had his arms wrapped around Penelope’s middle with his head on her shoulder as she put the finishing touches on one of the desserts.

And Elle and JJ sat on either side of Spencer,both with one leg draped over his own as they showed him Tiktoks that he didn’t understand.

You had been talking to Jason when you started to take all of this in and the older man realized you had gone quiet.He waved a hand infront of your face,the sudden movement startling you a bit.

“Y/N,sweetheart,is everything alright?”

You managed to get out an “I just need some fresh air.” before quickly making your way through the front door.

You had your suspicions from the get-go,but having it basically confirmed not verbally but physically right in front of you,it was overwhelming to say the least.

You tried your best to not look like you were freaking out.After a couple minutes outside you smoothed out your clothes,took a deep breath,and headed back inside.

The team asked if you were alright once you made it back in.You dismissed their worries,telling them you had just gotten a little hot,but it was obvious that they weren’t buying it.

The night continued on for an hour or so anyway.You,Penelope,and Elle herded the rest of the team out with goodbye hugs and kisses,throwing in a “drive safely!” for good measure.

The three of you were pooped to say the least,but you cleaned up a bit and put on a random movie anyway.

You all were asleep before the beginning credits could finish.

The next morning, you all headed back to the office.

The morning was going pretty normally,everyone catching up on paperwork in the bullpen as they waited for JJ to get ready to brief them.

JJ was eventually ready for everyone,therefore rounding everyone up into the conference room.

Once everyone was seated, JJ standing at her usual place by the Promethean board,Aaron was the last to join.As he did so,he closed the door and locked it.You found it odd,but otherwise didn’t question it.

What you did question was everyone’s nervous behavior.Spencer was fidgeting more than usual and everyone kept glancing at each other,like they were expecting the other to say something first.

The suspense was killing you.

“Alright guys,what’s going on?You’re making me nervous.” An anxious little giggle slipping out further proving your point.You also took a second to look around and realized Jason wasn’t at the table. “And where’s Jason?”

“Jason is still in his office,he’ll join us when we’re done.” Aaron,always being the man in charge,speaks up.

“With…the briefing?” You asked,genuinely confused about the entire situation.

“With talking to you.” Penelope spoke up next, nervously fidgeting with one of her silly pens.

“To me?What about?” Oh,you had a feeling what is was about.You just needed to hear them say it.

“Y/N,in the past year you have not only proven yourself to be a very valuable part of the team but has also wiggled your way into our little family.We care about you very much and we trust you…which is why we’re comfortable with sharing with you what we’re about to…” Aaron started the explanation,but looked to Derek to say the most crucial part.

“To put it plainly,everyone in this room is in a relationship with each other.Not as an everyone is paired off in couples or we’re a group of swingers-no we’re all in big relationship.”

You couldn’t even began to think of a word that would properly describe how you were feeling in that very moment.

Flabbergasted and discombobulated were both pretty close though.

“…What?!” Was your initial reaction.It must have come off worse than you meant it to because everyone retreated into themselves a bit.

“I’m sorry,I didn’t mean for it to come out that way.I’m just…shocked?Like,I had my suspicions,but being right about them?Woah.”

Your astonishment at the end of your explanation made everyone chuckle,finally relieving the tension in the room.

“Do you…have any questions for us?” Spencer asks,feeling a little more confident now that he knows your opinion on the matter.

“A few.But I think my main one is…how?”

“With lots of confusion,sexual tension,fooling around,and finally confessions.” Elle stated bluntly.

“Elle!” Emily scolded her significant other lightly.

“Well am I wrong?!” This got another laugh from everyone,you included.

“As fun as all of this has been,I do have a case to brief.I’m gonna go ahead and call in Gideon.”

A/N: I DIDN’T WANT THIS TO NEED A PART TWO BUT IT WILL!