remember that little ass polyamory post that will forever be spamming my activity page with notes of people trying to add edits and corrections when ive stated 7000 times that i never knew that tiny example would get notes???
wELL HERES MY ~OFFICIAL~ POLYAMORY PSA.
- a polyamorous is a relationship of three or more people. - a polyamorous person is someone who desires/prefers poly relationships. - polysexual is a completely different thing I wont cover in this post. [x]
If you’re going to see this post and immediately click my URL to send me an uninformed, shitty & hateful anon message about it, don’t bother buddy I have a folder full of simon cowells face ready to reply to you with.
If you’re someone with legitimate questions I am by no means an expert but I will sure as hell try to help you out the best I can with what I know.
First lets start you off with some nifty links in case you don’t trust a residential tumblr user who calls themselves “trashg0at” .. Or just for general information!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory
http://www.morethantwo.com/polyamory.html
http://thorlokibrother.tumblr.com/post/87193627440 {based off my post}
http://www.polyamorysociety.org/tools.html
http://learningpoly.tumblr.com/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-o1gsI3e0u4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNuzKP9Mb_M
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VKGRrOzMDg
Next, we state the obvious. Not everyone can handle or be comfortable in a polyamorous relationship. I’m not saying you have to be. In fact, if you’re not, be careful not to get pulled into an unhealthy one by someone “”encouraging you to try it.”” If you’re not comfortable, leave. If the person insists on keeping multiple partners and doesn’t care about your feelings, they are both a jackass and not worth your time. Leave and never return.
The absolute key to functional and healthy polyamory is communication & comfort. Do you all know what you’re doing? Are the ‘rules’ clear? Did you all 100% agree to the terms and conditions and discuss all your comforts and discomforts and concerns and questions? Is everything out in the open, understood agreed upon and feels right? Then congrats, buddy! Welcome to the party of many lovins!
But you should also know, there’s many different types of polyamorous relations!
> nifty chart found here with some other nice info!
Also noteworthy is the so-often-confused subject of Open Relationships. Let me say this clear as day,
Open Relationships =/= Polyamorous Relationships
Open relationships are typically defined as being romantically involved with one person but allowed to sexually involve yourself freely with others.
this link might explain it a bit better.
Is every polyamorous an open relationship? NO.
Can a polyamorous also be an open relationship? YES.
Can one person be open while the others are not? YES.. If ya’ll talk about that.
AS LONG AS YOU ALL COMMUNICATE THIS, AGREE ON IT, AND ARE COMFORTABLE WITH IT, Then you can have any combination of open/poly/etc! Also, because ive been asked this before, gender and sexuality have NOTHING to do with it. Nothing. At all. Polyamory is a type of relationship. Or also a lifestyle choice. Depends how you look at it! But it’s not a sexuality.
Every polyamorous will have its own mixed set of ‘rules’ agreed upon by everyone involved so that you’re all comfortable & happy! If you aren’t comfortable or you’re not all aware of whats going on-- Then it’s not healthy polyamory.
So we dive into the kickers.. FAQ style.
Isn’t it cheating--? No. Why is this even still a question? Did you learn nothing from reading all the things I just said? What part of consensual relationship between multiple people did you misread?
Are you still a polyamorous person if you’re currently single? Yes. Why is this even a question?
Are you still a polyamorous person if you’re currently not in a polyamorous relationship? Yes, but this is something to discuss with your partner. Inform them of what it means and discuss what it means for the two of you. Are they open to being poly with you? If they aren’t, is that a deal breaker for you? Is it a deal breaker for them? This is all very much an important talk to have to come to an agreement and make everyone comfortable & happy.
How many people can there be in one poly? As many as you can handle, really. But it can definitely get chaotic pretty fast. Just find your comfort zone.
But polygamy-- STOP. Did I mention polygamy even once this entire post? No. Wanna know why? Because the reputation behind polygamist marriage is generally a gross religious ruling over the lives of young girls. Wether or not the reality is that the definition of the word simply means ‘plural marriage’ exampled as one husband with many wives or one wife with many husbands- That is not how it’s generally seen by the world (or at least western world) view.
Polyamory and Polygamy CAN go hand in hand but you need to realize the harsh differences & connotations between these words before you try to use them interchangeably ! Polyamory - Polyamory is the practice, desire, or acceptance of intimate relationships that are not exclusive with respect to other sexual or intimate relationships, with knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Often abbreviated as poly, it has been described as "consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy." - Example 1; Joe loves becky and jenny. Jenny loves becky and joe. Becky also loves joe and jenny so everyone is happily together. - Example 2; Joe loves Becky and Becky loves Joe and Jenny. Joe and Jenny are not involved but alright with this and the three are happily together. Polygamy - "state of marriage to many spouses" or "frequent marriage" is a marriage that includes more than two partners and falls under the broader category of Consensual Non-Monogamy. aka just a marriage of multi people. - Example 1; Joe has 5 wives and plans to marry another. Becky, his first wife, has no say in this. Too bad, Becky. Our religion says you’re the property of joe. - Example 2; Becky is married to Joe and Jim. Jim and Joe both love becky and everyone is happily together in their marriage!
TL;DR - Polyamory & Polygamy are (weirdly enough) not the same thing.
I understand those examples were harsh and not every situation works like that, but there is a huge problem with many forced polygamist marriages that give every type of poly a horrible reputation. If any type of poly is not 100% consensual and comfortable, it is unhealthy. There’s no debate over this.
MY GOD ANDY ARE YOU SAYING YOU CANT HAVE A FUNCTIONAL POLYGAMIST MARRIAGE? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEAN AT ALL. It’s a damn shame that the REPUTATION of dysfunctional abuse and religious reasons makes polygamy illegal in so many places but you can in fact have a happy one in the right setting!!! Literally all ‘polygamy’ really means is multiple people in a marriage! Just be careful!! \( ; o ;)/
How do I know if im a polyamorous person? / I want to be in a poly! / ETC. This one I can’t really give a 100% answer on. Everyone has different experiences that lead them to joining a poly or deciding to declare themselves a poly person or whatever else.
In my first personal experience, I had a crush on multiple people, who turned out to also have crushes on eachother, and me, so we decided.. Well.. Yknow.. Why not try it? And it worked out great! Since my first run through I’ve been in a handful of others and decided it works best for me. So long as I’m comfortable and my partners are comfortable, we’re happy!
It’s just best to keep in mind that every relationship is different, both within the poly and the poly itself. Sometimes you’ll fight, you could get jealous, you could get overwhelmed, but coming together to work through it with eachother and to all mutually care for one another is what makes it alright. Like any relationship, it’s not going to be a purely blissful ride through the gumdrop forest on your way to candyland. You’ve gotta work to make it stable and keep it goin, but you’ll also certainly reap the rewards when you’ve got not only one lover on your arm, but two (or more!) surrounding you in an endless pool of happiness and affections. <3 :D
If any of this information seemed off to you, shoot me an ask! Or you’d like to reblog and share with your friends or even add your own helpful insight it would be very much appreciated! I hope this cleared some things up, or at least made sense! \o/