#polystumbles original

[polystumbles]

As she heads into the bedroom to get comfortable, I grab her with plans to get reconnecting immediately out of the way.

@polystumbles

I’m not sure why I put such an emphasis on it, but reconnecting after her first time with a new guy in the 3.5 years we’ve been together (she had another partner for our first 6 months) took on great importance -- just not in the way I thought it would.

tl;dr of this diary entry

[polystumbles]

I had critiqued a man for his sexism just this morning, and now was questioning mine. I had decided to not help him anymore for my own sanity, yet...

@polystumbles

When Amy defends the indefensible, my only defense is to end... the conversation. There is such a thing as tact, but there is also the reality that I must confront my whether and to what extent m feelings are based on sexism. 

tl;dr of this diary entry

[polystumbles]

Amidst all the pain, and mulling over whether I am causing more harm than good in her life, I realize that despite how hard last night was, it was actually progress.

@polystumbles

It nearly rips us apart, but it brings us closer than ever: Z puts a name to her emotional difficulties at my place with Amy.  

tl;dr of this diary entry

[polystumbles]

She was afraid of losing trips with me because she didn't know if she'd want to have sex. So instead she skips out on the trips, and misses out on it all, and has been doing so for years.

Polystumbles

Jealousy can be a powerfully self fulfilling prophecy. 

[polystumbles]

I wasn’t asking Z for her permission, I was asking how would she feel and what would she need to feel safe. This was the information I needed to make an informed choice myself.

@polystumbles

The way my family practices polyamory is crucially about trust, communication, safety, freedom, trust, and trust.  But that doesn’t mean I don’t seek out how my decisions might make my partners feel before I do something. Sometimes that can be misunderstood as asking for permission, which is a lot more pressure than asking for trust. 

It was tough to renegotiate barriers, but the communication involved made me aware of an important rift, one that we’d need to work on in the months ahead.

tl;dr of this diary entry. 

[polystumbles]

We cry, mourning what was. We hug, hoping for what will be. We find the words to say yes, in acceptance of who we are.

@polystumbles

If polyamory has taught me anything, it’s that sometimes it’s not the people in our lives that we need to let go of, but our expectations of them. 

tl;dr of this diary

[polystumbles]

Cause for Celebration?

z: I'm not one for celebrations but

when we sign a lease it will be cause for celebration.

ps: We'll crack open some GuS.

z: Martinelli, sparkling apple.

ps: For sure.

z: Maybe make some life cake.

ps: It better be sweet.

[polystumbles]

Austin, Texas. February, 2016