Random lil drabble for my OCs. Sorry.
Hano tried so hard. And that was what hurt the most. It wasn’t the sneaking around, or the fact that I always ended up bunking with him because everyone else in the rebellion already had a roommate. It wasn’t the fact that the angels were probably after me and looking down on me, because God knows Flick definitely hated me. It wasn’t even the fact that I still loved Hano with all of my heart.
It was that he tried so hard to make up for all that he’d done. He tried to make it better, by smiling and being awkwardly charming and being at my constant beck and call. Part of me wanted to forgive him. I really did. He was being so sweet and it seemed like he was honestly apologetic. But the other part of me wondered if he even meant anything he had ever said to me, or if he was just lying, about everything. The truth was, I couldn’t trust him anymore.
“Raymond, are you just going to sit there staring at the wall all day?” He had stopped with the pet names. He had even stopped calling me Ray. Honestly, that probably hurt more than if he had kept saying them.
I only nodded in reply to his question. There seemed to be nothing else to do in the base. I felt like a prisoner again.
I had never really accepted the fact that I was addicted to coffee and caffeine until now, when it was unavailable to me. Ironically, I couldn’t sleep because of the withdrawals. But that was the least of my problems, I suppose.
“Raymond…” There he goes again. God, I wished he would just call me Ray, or Angel again. But I also wasn’t sure I could handle it if he did.
Before I even thought about crying, the tears were already running down my cheeks. I tried to cover my face, to turn away before Hano saw, but he was immediately by my side and looking at me like I was a kicked puppy.
Oh, how I hated him. I hated him with a burning passion deep in my gut. But I loved him more. Even more than I wanted to shove him away, I wanted his arms around me. I wanted to feel his strength and protection. I had given everything I had to him. My time, my innocence, my love, my life. But I didn’t want any of it back.
“Raymond, please don’t cry. Please… I’m so sorry…” He apologized constantly. It was awful. The words had long ago lost their meanings, after they were said one too many times.
I wanted him. I wanted him to be mine; I wanted to be his. But my head was more persuading than my heart.
