#popknights

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dokutah: hehe got ur nose :)

ulpianus: i'm not stupid. that was inappropriate on your part. Give it back

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> sex with shalem

> finish

> credits roll

> our names aren't the only ones on there

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i have survived two weeks in the sami tundra by hollering IT'S A METAPHOR every time i see some shit. i have successfully deflected the mental impact of my dead companions, the bear from annihilation, and a single black snowflake, but my loud noises have attracted a starving tuskbeast and i fear my hour grows near

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what do you guys think aak put in the cake. my ideas

1. something that makes you fall asleep <-user is heavily biased and cannot be relied upon

2. two words: Carolina Reaper

3a. it straight up is a normal cake and he's just #TheStruggler with anything not evil

3b. he put durian in it and none of his friends will believe it isn't poison

4. the best tasting and most effective cold and flu medicine you've ever experienced (makes everything better). has a side effect!

5. shredded evidence of whatever decision he's currently trying to hide from waai fu

6. combination of any or all of the above

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You want an operator that gets the job done? You want an operator that's hassle free? You want an operator that literally no one will ever borrow from you? Well look no further.

The 4* supporter Roberta.

Let's talk about features.

Slow/stun: nope

Self heal: nope

Crowd control: nope

DPS: nope...but she's got 2(+1) block and you have a fucking Kroos that can sit behind her.

Let me tell you a story. One day a heavy defender started walking towards Roberta. I didn't give a shit and ignored it. It went away. The End.

You could remove the talent from this operator, cut her range in half, remove both her base skills, lower her ASPD by 30%, add +2 to her dp cost, redeploy her, and she'd perform as well as she did before.

This operator will outlive you, she will outlive your Cardigan.

Things this operator is old enough to do:

Vote: yes

Consent to sex: yes

Deploy an operator: she IS an operator

This supporter's got history. She's seen some shit. People have used her to hold lanes. People have used her to tank bombs. She's not going to judge you like a fucking Skalter would.

Interesting facts:

Her goggles' color is gray, but her coat's color is grey.

In the owner's manual, usage of her summons is listed as "optional."

When this supporter was unveiled four months ago, she caused all 275k Arknights_EN followers to spontaneously yawn. The resulting abrupt change in metrics on Twitter's homepage caused a partial collapse of the site. Four users were mistakenly banned for being bots. The event is chronicled in the documentary "Bored to Death: The Story of Roberta"

You wanna know more? Great, I printed out a picture of her and had it fill out a Facebook survey.

Favorite food: spaghetti

Favorite tv show: Alf

Favorite band: tie between Bush and the Gin Blossoms

This operator is as practical as a Roth IRA. She's as middle-of-the-road as the rat king during his last Silver Alert. She's as utilitarian as a member of a church of the deep whose scripture is based entirely on water bills.

When I checked Gamepress for this operator, I found a single paragraph that said, "It's Roberta. She's fine."

Let's face the facts, this operator isn't going to win any tierlists, but neither are you. Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to your wife. This isn't the defender you want, it's the defender you deserve: The 4* supporter Roberta.

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"why would you use poncirus her dp generation is low and her defense is cool but you should just use a defender" why do anything. why make art. why smile. why live. i'm telling you gamepress could watch a fish climb a tree and tell you to invest in a squirrel instead. you need to be real with people: poncy isn't good at what a vanguard is supposed to do but if you invest in her you can watch her bounce off a truck yelling something about being indestructible. and for a vanguard that's pretty fucking pog.