#popularity bs

[tiergan-vashir]

This community’s extreme obsession with popularity - even at risk to their own safety or emotional wellness via abuse or harm - really freaks the fuck out of me.

Just fucking chill.  Most of us will not even be playing this game in a couple of years and all that popularity will no longer mean jack shit.

When you and everyone else you know inevitably one day gets bored enough of FFXIV to finally quit, that e-popularity will not matter. Your in-game character and all their glams and their house will not matter. Your blog might not matter if you decide not to revamp it into a general blog instead of a FFXIV one. (Provided Tumblr doesn’t shoot itself in the foot repeatedly and collapse the site first.)

But your friends?  Your friends who actually care about you for you and not because you’re “popular” in the cat girls online tumblr community? They matter. The memories of all the stories, plots, and RP you had with them matter. The genuine experiences you have together matter more than any false or abusive ones you get as a result of being “popular” in a nerd community on the internet. Those are the only real things you might get to take with you one day when you’re done playing FFXIV for good if you play your cards right and nurture those relationships well.

You can’t take your cat girls online e-fame with you when you decide you’re done playing cat girls online - and it is most definitely not worth any kind of abuse to get it.

[tiergan-vashir]

I love Tumblr because I got to meet so many people through it. But I hate it, because I’m 99% sure it fosters this weird popularity obsession the FFXIV community has and people get fixated on their follower count or their likes/reblogs instead of just... finding cool people to connect with.

[tiergan-vashir]

Why do you have to make a comment and draw attention to any kind of drama whenever something happens in the community? It’s like you go looking for it. You even made a post about how something was going on now and you didn’t know anything about it, but then deleted it when you made that post about popularity. Isn’t it way better to just ... keep quiet and not give that shit any attention, especially if you’re not involved? You’re a big voice in this community. Don’t fan the flames.

1) http://tiergan-vashir.tumblr.com/post/183062807951/did-something-happen-somewhere-im-noticing-some - I didn’t delete it, that post is still there. 

¯\_(ツ)_/¯  

My posts rambling about community and popularity weren’t about whatever the original drama might have been. Multiple people have given me links to what it could possibly be, but the second I saw it was something extremely private and personal in nature instead of something more community wide (like an active serial abuser running around), I left it alone, because it honestly wasn’t my business.

2) I can understand why you assumed I was talking about whatever the original drama was because it was about the community as a whole, but my posts about the community + popularity were triggered by another Tumblr user saying they wished they were popular enough to have problems with abuse/toxic friend circles. Because of my history with popularity and people who were willing to use and emotionally abuse me for social status and community power - I got very upset and vented about an issue personal to me on my personal blog.

I guess they’re indirectly related, but it was still me being upset about something tied to events very personal to me. Not me digging for whatever happened and then randomly throwing a fit over something that occurred between folks I don’t even know.

3) If that still bothers you, please block me and put my name in your Tumblr Savior or Xkit Block list for good measure.

To be frank - I’m tired of being told that I should silence myself because I’m a ‘big voice’ in the community.  Especially when the topic is something I personally have feelings on based upon very personal experience.

if you think I’m dramatic and dislike what I have to say, you have the tools available to you to block me and can feel free to encourage your friends to do so. If anything, all of my posts about popularity should make it clear that I don’t really give a shit about my follower count.

[tiergan-vashir]

halcyonic-aether replied to your post “This community’s extreme obsession with popularity - even at risk to...”

one of the extra awful parts to is that you get this pervasive feeling that you -HAVE- to be popular to make connections and find good RP and RP partners because otherwise how will they notice you

If it helps, that pervasive feeling has to be false because otherwise I wouldn’t have noticed 80% of the folks I currently RP with.

Most of my RP buddies are not “tumblr-famous”. Some of them actively do not want to be and go out of their way to avoid it.  Some of the folks I’ve recently started RPing with are people who are just very proactive about reaching out to people and mingling with folks even if they weren’t popular.

I’m sure there’s at least one person out there sneering at this going “yeah, sure Tiergan, easy for you to say. You ARE popular and I bet you’re DROWNING in RP requests! You have it easy!”

But quantity doesn’t always mean quality.  Consider that the breakdown of it usually goes something like:

80% of those RP requests are from people who want Daddy-dom Tiergan to jackhammer them into a mattress 500 times a week like a bad 50 Shades of Grey fanfic and be a tool for their ERP sex fantasies. (Not judging or shaming people who primarily enjoy ERP.  Y’all are valid. I just don’t like it when folks pretend they want regular plot RP, but SURPRISE they’re trying to pressure me into ERP instead.)

15% are people who are perfectly fine RPers, but our interests just don’t align at all in terms of what I want to RP and what they want to RP. 

3% are people I am DYING to RP with, but our schedules are polar opposites of one another or they’re in a distant timezone sleeping at sensible adult hours, meaning we never get a chance to interact outside of tumblr posts.

And a final 2% are the folks I actually get to RP with where they want the same kind of RP I want and we can actually schedule something.

Tumblr popularity doesn’t make it easier - it just gives you different problems.  But people want to keep believing it’s a magic bullet, so they fixate upon that narrative as though it would solve everything for them if only they could finally get it. 

[tiergan-vashir]

On the topic of popularity though, it's very uncomfortable to see people latch onto people (like you for example) and try to use you to get popular. Constant reblogs of your content, talking about you like they're your best friend because you've roleplayed once or twice. I've seen it happen and frankly it's uncomfortable to see. I even saw someone brag about roleplaying with you recently.

Hmm. I’m going to open this by saying that I mildly suspect this anon was not entirely sent in good faith. I’ve noticed some anons sent around to myself and another player that seem to be fixated disliking a specific person vaguely alluded to.  If that’s what is happening here, I ask you to please stop.  It’s bad mojo and doesn’t feel good.

That said - if this IS a message sent in earnest good faith, I agree. It’s extremely uncomfortable.  I really resent it when people insist that I have it so much easier finding RP, when most of the time, it’s hard for me to tell if people genuinely enjoy RPing with me or if they just like the idea of RPing with me for social status in cat girls online.

Not to mention that for two solid years all of the abuse my popularity landed me in left me too terrified to RP with anyone new out of fear I would just be used or harmed.  There was a long stretch of time where just getting RP requests from people would trigger panic attacks, so I had to just say no to everyone.I was targetted by people now openly known in the community to be abusive, who wanted to be around me not because they genuinely liked me, but because they wanted to use my name and presence to expand their own social power.  That kind of behavior is what landed me into some highly destructive situations that left me with very real emotional damage. It took years with a therapist and some extremely kind, supportive friends to slowly learn how to trust other people again.

All that said - I feel stronger now than I have in 5 years.  I have friends I adore, trust implicitly, and know I can count on.  I know what my boundaries are and I’m not afraid to assert them like I was before.  If someone wants to use me as a sparkly toy for social currency, they’re not going to have a great time.

[tiergan-vashir]

Anyway if you’re tired of me bitching yet again about this topic, I don’t blame you and have now created a handy-dandy tag called ‘popularity bs’ that I will use if I ever bitch about it ever again in the future, so you can filter it out.

Which will hopefully not be any time soon, because it makes me feel shitty afterwards.

[tiergan-vashir]

ima be totally real and admit i don't usually do more than skim the longer discourse posts ('cause that aint why i tumbl) but if being popular means getting drawn into discourse as often as folks like drawing you into it... well, i wouldn't wish that on anyone!

To be honest, a lot of the time I just rant and step into a discourse mine all on my own without any prompting like a fool, so most of the time I can only really blame myself. <_<;Though I do try to tag everything so it’s easier for other folks to avoid if they don’t want to see it.  I’ve also been thinking of adding the words like ‘discourse’ straight to the bottom of posts in the future so that even when it gets reblogged without tags, people can still filter it out via xkit.

[tiergan-vashir]

I just have to say you're awesome and kudos for your popularity post. I've seen people go the WRONG WAY with that and seen how damaging it was to their mental health. Thank you for being someone who's not afraid to point that out! <3

Thank you!  And yeah - that was mainly my biggest concern. Everyone likes being well-liked, but there’s a point where some perspective is needed.