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3.3. William Eklund #72

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Slide 17: William Eklund #72

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William Eklund #72 [NOTE: Larger title text.]

at one point they tried to call him “gecko”

left winger but currently playing center on account of the hockey gods beating the shit out of our usual centers.

puckpocketed: he’s our 1C. TO ME. 

1st round draft pick by the Sharks in 2021, 7th overall. This was considered a draft STEAL — some scouting notes had him going much higher, a few even had him 1st for a while.

“Slippery Pete” because of his gorgeous, efficient skating (dodges hits, its very funny) [neonfretra: First time seeing this vidoo and call my man a shark the way he’s so smooth WHAT. His pregame rituals involve being slathered in grease and shot off across the ice.] and his schmooves [puckpocketed: this one is an entire thread of clips from when he was playing in Sweden [heart emoticon]] with the puck [in this one, he pickpockets mcdavid!!]

neonfretra: THERES MORE?????

puckpocketed: There’s always more and if i sat and gifed every cool thing i saw him do in games. I’d never finish any work. [NOTE: All caps start.] WELCOME TO THE CHURCH OF SLIPPERY PETE [NOTE: All caps end.]

boy loves his spinoramas, and his zone entries, when he can get them off, are a marvel to behold

struggles on the faceoff. but hes getting better [heart emoticon]

also known as Ekky/Eky [heart emoticon]

a bit of an instigator. a pest. a devious little guy. many clips of him smiling and laughing as people try to jump him (often ft. one or more of the older Sharks getting in between them). This is particularly hilarious because he doesn’t think of himself as one.

Part of a hockey dynasty. His father played. His siblings play. His mother was a figure skater. [NOTE: Bold text start.] This is an iceberg. [NOTE: Bold text end.] [puckpocketed: You must understand, reader, that this is an iceberg and if I write more we will crash into it.]

puckpocketed: Special thanks to @SnipeCity420 on twitter/x for being like 80% of these clips

puckpocketed: it’s not all that flashy but I am a particular fan of his passes where he fakes a drive and sends the puck back on a pivot (he does this most often behind the net. Look for it!)

“I really like Mathew Barzal of the New York Islanders. I think he’s very skilled with the puck, he has a low center of gravity and I like his skill when cornering. He uses his skating as a weapon out there and he’s not that big a guy either. I try to check and see what he’s doing out on the ice.” — Eklund on who he models his game after. Djurgarden Hockey 

[Image description: William Eklund sticking out his tongue as Fabian Zetterlund approaches in the foreground with his arms up for a hug. End description.] Fig. 1: Ekky signature BLEP  ft. Keebs going in for the celly hug <3 Tumblr/daydreamingcara

puckpocketed: idk idk… controversial but I kinda see it with how he’s always BLEP after a particularly good play….

[Quote from an article: With his father, Christian, having played 429 SHL games with Djurgården, the organization is in the DNA of William Eklund, quite literally. But coming into the first team, there weren't much about William being the son of Christian. "No, we're two very different players. He did his thing and he did it well" young Eklund says, acknowledging the grittier, agitating side of his father. "All I try to do is to play my game". Quote end.] Fig. 2: Sixten Funqvist on Ekky. SHL.se

puckpocketed: Lol. lmao even. WHO are you fooling <3

Last updated: 2024 Mar 11

[Slide 17 transcript end.]

Slide 18: William Eklund #72 part 2. call us the titanic the way we’re running into the iceberg

[Slide 18 transcript start.]

William Eklund #72 part 2. call us the titanic the way we’re running into the iceberg [NOTE: Larger title text.]

puckpocketed: OKAY FUCK IT ICEBERG TIME. [NOTE: Written in all caps.]

Housekeeping: tumblr user @tofumilanesa, long-time Sharksblr resident, wrote a very long William Eklund primer which includes a dive into his family. It is deeply intriguing, comedic, and paints a picture of the weirdest little man you have ever heard of. It also has information we don’t because we don’t have a Swede on hand to translate yet. Please read it at your leisure.

Okay okay so. He’s not his father’s son, in the end. Agitator genes aside, “Christian was a gritty, bottom-six player who loved getting in the face of his opponents.” (The Athletic) and as per slide 1, Ekky’s game is more finesse and high skill playmaking.

Breathed hockey from, seemingly, the moment he was born — in the same article, it’s said that his goal was to make the NHL “from the first time I saw my dad play”.

Was not all that notable until his breakout season in the SHL 2020-2021, where he seemingly made a huge leap in development.

His mother was the one who laid the foundations for his skating (we like to think that he gets it from her <3)

FUN FACT:  Loser-coded through and through. He is exceptionally resilient to losses because his previous team in Sweden, Djurgårdens IF — where the Sharks sent him after 9 games — was so bad it got relegated. He truly was built to be a Shark!!!!

[Image description: William Eklund celebrating a win with Mackenzie Blackwood by putting their heads together and wiggling their shoulders. End description.] Fig. 1: his best quality—his wiggles (Jan 30 win against SEA)

[Transcript from tofumilanesa's William Eklund primer start:

Here are some things that have been said about William (also sorta paraphrased):

“He wasn’t good at hockey until he was 16.”

“I wasn’t good at hockey until I was sixteen.”

[Fimpen, after being asked about William] “Yeah, he’s doing okay. His little brother is really good. A lot better than William was at 14.”

[Fimpen, again after being asked about William] “Yeah, he’s gotten good. I don’t know where he got it from. I thought he inherited my shitty genetics.”

William Eklund primer transcript end.]

Fig. 2: tofumilanesa paraphrasing Ekky’s long history of being kind of a failboat right up until his breakout season. william eklund primer 

puckpocketed: NARRATIVE BITE: Childhood friends with NJD’s Alexander Holtz. Overshadowed by him at basically every level they played at. Manages to catch up, a little, and even passes Holtz in points during their last season together on Djurgårdens. Holtz is 1 year older so Ekky is left behind on draft day. There’s a bit of buzz around if they’ll get to play together — but no dice. Ekky goes to the Sharks on the next draft. They both went 7th overall in their respective draft years, but this is possibly the last time their stories will ever look the same — this is where their paths diverge wildly. Holtz is trapped in bottom-six roles or the press box, and Ekky is progressively becoming the best skater the Sharks have on the ice almost every night. Something about narratives…

oensible: WHEN IS THE DEVILS GM GOING TO GIVE US ALEX HOLTZ PLEASEEE [NOTE: Written in all caps.]

Last updated: 2024 Feb 24

[Slide 18 transcript end.]

Slide 19: William Eklund #72 The Third: OUR SMILEY SLIPPERY PETE & HIS UNFORTUNATE BEARD SITUATION

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William Eklund #72 The Third: OUR SMILEY SLIPPERY PETE & HIS UNFORTUNATE BEARD SITUATION [NOTE: Larger title text.]

[Figure 1 image description: Image of William Eklund smiling at the camera during a post game interview. Figure 1 image description end.] Fig. 1: he is SO happy here because the Sharks just won 6-5 vs the Islanders. but without the context he sort of just looks smug — very understandable why he’s getting jumped if he looks like this after being hit/chirped. San Jose Hockey Now 

[Figure 2 image description: Knife cat meme of a smugly smiling cat in the center of a ring of knives pointed at it. Figure 2 image description end.] Fig. 2: spot the difference from fig. 1. (Imgur)

[Figure 3 image description: William Eklund wearing a pastel pink suit. Figure 3 image description end.] Fig. 3: he’s in his pink suit!! Wow !! <3 do not be fooled!! he is still a devious rat… Instagram

[Figure 4 image description: William Eklund staring ahead with his gaze slightly lowered, unsmiling, during a postgame interview after a Sharks loss. Figure 4 image description end.] Fig. 4: Ekky contemplates either murder or a nap — sources unclear. This was in the deep end of our second skid of the 2023-24 season, and Sharks media was out for a Sadboy Soundbite <3 I think he started growing his beard out after this?? San Jose Hockey Now 

[Figure 5 image description: William Eklund celebrates his goal. He's smiling at Anthony Duclair and being hugged by the rest of the Sharks on the ice. Figure 5 image description end.] Fig. 5: Celebrating during our Nov. 8 victory against the Flyers!! and then we went on to win the cup. Don't look at the standings <3 From left to right: Duclair (#10), Ferraro (#38) (not visible), Eklund (#72), Hertl (#48) (San Jose Sharks Twitter)

puckpocketed: we identified hertl by his unmistakable cake. there was a brief debate about it but in the end its funnier to believe that

[Slide 19 transcript end.]

Last updated: 2024 Feb 24

Slide 20: William Eklund #72 part 4: THE ONCE AND FUTURE KING?

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William Eklund #72 part 4: THE ONCE AND FUTURE KING?

He’ll be the foundation of the Sharks rebuild, expect him around for a while.

No, really. He has the deep misfortune of arriving much earlier in the rebuild than the rest of our prospects because he was drafted higher/earlier and he’s really fucking good.

Our boy goes from being thee older sibling, someone described as very serious and responsible, to the Team Baby… who is also saddled with the burden of carrying the hopes of a franchise <3

Despite the many, many, many setbacks for the Sharks this season, he improves with every game.

MORE trivia: Loves Chipotle. Was introduced to it by long-gone fellow Sharks prospect Jasper Weatherby.

puckpocketed: what’s so interesting about him (to me) is that he is 100% willing to go into a board battle and grind for the puck — those mucky, ugly, awkward spots in the corners. he’s got a skinnier frame, he’s a high skill player, he could avoid them and i think no one would blame him. but he goes into them anyway. idk that’s just cool as hell. you watch him and you are always surprised. I think he’s gonna be amazing one day <3

“I feel like he’s a sponge. He’s a smart kid. You don’t need to tell him everything. He figures it out. [...] You can tell he wants to get better every day. What I really like about him is that he wants the puck. He wants to make plays. He wants to take charge. Even if it’s a younger player, that’s the sign of an elite player at a young age. Give me the puck. Let’s get something done.

“He has all the skill set for that. And like I said, he’s a smart player. He’s a smart kid. You can even tell throughout this year how much he’s getting better every single day. He has a bright future.”

— Granny gushing about the Team Baby. The Athletic

NARRATIVE BITE: even after all this, he’s still, very often, only considered our second best prospect to Will Smith. Eklund carries the Sharks’ expectations with an asterisk over his name: it’s always been For Now. He’s taken centre stage during the depths of the rebuild — the difference he can make is so miniscule it doesn’t matter. He’s the first, he’s the cornerstone, and while this is a vital role, we all know that they’re waiting for the true anointed saviour — the higher draft pick, the young and exciting prodigy. Everything is For Now, and one day he will lose his place. With the selection of Macklin Celebrini… I hope they can all share the burden of building that future.

puckpocked: Not pictured: me off-camera sobbing into a handkerchief and dissolving into amniotic fluid because I had to read Weatherby’s exit interview to find this information. HE WAS A SHARKS FAN AND THIS WAS HIS DREAM. Why do you separate friends !!! Why do you trade our beautiful girls!!!!!! I am beside myself about this guy who isn’t even here and wasn’t here when I got into the Sharks…..

[Image description: Anthony Duclair, William Eklund, Mike Hoffman, and Tomáš Hertl celebrating on ice. End description.] Fig. 1: Ekky and his fathers (and uncle Mike). From left to right: Duclair (#10), Eklund (#72) Hoffman (#68), and Hertl (#48) San Jose Hockey Now (Photo: Dean Tait)

Last updated: 2024 Mar 11

[Slide 20 transcript end.]

Slide 21: William Eklund #72 Oops! All Ekky

[Slide 21 transcript start.]

William Eklund #72 Oops! All Ekky [NOTE: Larger title text.]

[Image description: William Eklund hugs Anthony Duclair in front of Sharks net while they both smile and look at the camera. Kaapo Kähkönen is in net and covered by a figure 2. End description.] Fig. 1: a sweet family photo with Duke <3. @SanJoseSharks/Twitter 

[Image description: William Eklund walks into SAPC through rainbow gaming colored lights. End description.] Fig. 2: GAMING NIGHT!  Kähkönen is buried under this picture but this slide ain’t about him @SanJoseSharks/Twitter 

[Image description: William Eklund scanning a person's phone at an airport while Mackenzie Blackwood looks on from behind him End description.] Fig. 3: a responsible young man. @SanJoseSharks/Twitter 

[Image description: William Eklund juggling three baseballs before a game. End description.] Fig. 4: pregame juggling. Kavin Mistry/San Jose Sharks 

Last updated: 2024 Mar 6

[Slide 21 transcript end.]

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3.9. Collin Graf #51

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Slide 47: Collin Graf #51

[Slide 47 transcript start.]

Collin Graf #51 [NOTE: Larger title text.]

Played with Quinnipiac (NCAA), leads his team in points the 23-24 season

Garners a lot of attention from NHL teams!

Age 21—he is too old for the draft (previously passed over probably for being short <3), which is why teams approach him with intent to sign

Signs with the Sharks 2024 Apr 4

Already has a familiar face on the team—grew up skating with Sharks d-man Henry Thrun and played against him in the NCAA. Thrun alleges Graf was always good at hockey, but tiny for a hockey player (shorter than 5’8”) in high school

He chose to go to the Sharks because he liked “the honesty”, corroborating DQ’s claim that the Sharks org recruiting strat is “not making false promises” (player whisperer DQ strikes again…!)

By “the honesty”, the sales pitch was probably something about the team playoff hopes pretty much died before the season even started + there’s a weakly established pecking order since the team is a gaggle of endlessly injured Just Some Guys and reclamation projects, so he’ll get some NHL playing time right away to prove himself. And he did get that ice time!

Played 7 games with the Sharks this season

NHL debut is the Sharks’ win vs the Blues on Apr 6 (see Devin Cooley’s slides for details on this), aka one of the most “fairytale” sort of games of the season and their 2nd-to-last win of the season

Almost eats shit on his rookie lap because of the step down to the ice. First Mukhamadullin and now him… that SAP ice is TREACHEROUS!

First NHL point on an assist to Luke Kunin against the Yotes on Apr 7

[Image description: 2 pictures of Colin Graf at his first game. First, Collin Graf stands on the ice during warmups. Second, Collin Graf skates during his rookie lap. End description.]

Fig. 1: first day on the job! San Jose Sharks/Twitter

[Image description: Collin Graf poses with his first NHL game puck. End description.]

Fig. 2: first day on the job complete! San Jose Sharks/ Twitter

Last updated: 2024 Jun 30

[Slide 47 transcript end.]

Slide 48: Collin Graf #51 part 2: the Narrative Slide

[Slide 48 transcript start.]

Collin Graf #51 part 2: the Narrative Slide [NOTE: Larger title text.]

puckpocketed: I’ve been Avoiding this one and collecting links in a state of paralysis LMAO anyway . um. Here u GO!!

If you go looking, you won’t find scouting reports on Collin Graf from his draft year (2021). We know why this is without even thinking; as noted in pt. 1, at 18 Collin Graf clocked in at under 5’8.

On the one hand, there’s the reality of size in the NHL and how skill sometimes just… can’t keep up. On the other hand, having become somewhat familiar with the short kings of the league, both players and prospects — there is room in this wretched league for players who lack the ‘tool’ of being over 6 feet tall.

But that’s not this story.

Collin Graf was on nobody’s radar, so what happened? Well, he’s currently listed at 6’1, so there’s a clue. Given the NHL turned their eyes on him somewhere towards the end of his first campaign at Quinnipiac, odds are Graf had a late growth spurt between his draft year and the end of his freshman year.

Sophomore season 2022–23: Collin Graf transfers to Quinnipiac University from Union College after the UC head coach resigns during his freshman season (fun fact, he was a Managerial Economics major at UC and then a Business Analytics major at QU. in case anyone else also likes seeing what NCAA players major in). He did pretty good at UC, 2nd on his team in points (22). And then he completely blew that ut of the water at QU

Led the team in goals (21) & assists (38). Led in points (59!!) by a margin of 16! 👍

NOTE: the stats sheet is. missing a game <3 but everywhere else says 21/38/59!

Also *the* Powerplay Guy. Q30 reports a notable step up from the PP of last season with him on ice. Led the team with 8 PPG

Gets a hatty in November. sweet!

One of “the big three” (top line) of him, Jacob Quillan, and Sam Lipkin. First put together in November to compensate for injuries, and the rest is history…

In an ECAC Hockey interview (17:34), Graf describes them as “multidimensional” since all of them can pass and shoot and having good chemistry

Coach Pecknold emphasized their defensive skill: “Because they defend so well they then go and get to play a lot of offense so it’s a tough matchup for most teams.”

[Image description: Jacob Quillan, Collin Graf, and Iivari Rasanen celebrate a goal in the third period against the Michigan Wolverines during the Division I Men’s Ice Hockey Semifinals. End description.]

Fig. 1: The Big Three! (from behind) Tyler Schank/NCAA Photos via Getty Images

[Image description: Sam Lipkin, Jake Quillan, and Collin Graf holding the NCAA DI men's hockey championship trophy right after winning it in 2023. End description.]

Fig. 2: The Big Three! (from front) Jake Quillian/IG

Last updated: 2024 Jun 30

[Slide 48 transcript end.]

Slide 49: Collin Graf #51: the Narrative Slide cont.

[Slide 49 transcript start.]

Collin Graf #51: the Narrative Slide cont. [NOTE: Larger title text.]

THE 2023 NCAA TOURNAMENT FINAL!

Scored the game-tying goal in the final that got QU to OT. Also on ice for the OT GWG that won QU’s 1st ever championship title, as the decoy in a play called “the Jet”.

This is the first time it succeeded in the 150 times they ran the play that season, according to their associate coach

This is *massive* for the team and the Quinnipiac men’s ice hockey program

Their current coach, Rand Pecknold, built the present-day Quinnipiac men’s hockey program from the ground up out of a really, really bad and underfunded and unpopular Division III team ever since being hired in 1994. The man was crying tears of joy

See this article for more on the trials & tribulations of Quinnipiac men’s ice hockey

They’re underdogs compared to how decorated, accomplished, & lavish w/ NHL draftees the other three schools’ (Minnesota, Michigan, BU) men’s ice hockey programs were.

QU had a total of three (3) NHL draft picks on their roster, all from the 6th round and later. Our Big Three are two undrafted blokes and a 7th rounder (Sam)

Is this not one of the most cheesy coming-of-age sports movie things to happen in real life <3

Obvious comparisons can be made between the Quinnipiac Big Three and BC’s Smith-Perrault-Leonard line, as they were another dominant NCAA line (23–24 szn). Ofc everyone expects high-quality hockey at this level, but I doubt it would be out of line to say ppl kind of expected that from the BC line’s reputation ever since juniors, plus they’re all 1st round draft picks in a prolific hockey program like BC’s. And maybe that factored into how ‘24 played out (spoiler alert, BC eliminated them in OT, tho single-game elimination means that such a close match probably could easily have ended differently). But in the few years that a player gets in the ever-changing rosters of college sports, QU’s Big Three, the underdogs, managed what the BC line couldn’t, and won a natty. They decided they still had enough to prove at QU to stay here, to stay together, for another year, to try to repeat it instead of going pro. Ain’t that something…

Fig. 1: The Jet in action, succeeding at the most narratively satisfying time possible

[Image description: Team photo of the Quinnipiac Bobcats men's ice hockey team after winning the 2023 NCAA Tournament. End description.]

Fig. 2: CHAMPIONS‼️ Quinnipiac Men’s Ice Hockey/Twitter

puckpocketed: BIG ty to oensible for finishing these slides as i got sidetracked by other things… everything is here and there’s tears in my eyes THEY WON TOGETHER AND STAYED TOGETHER 

Last updated: 2024 Aug 14

[Slide 49 transcript end.]

Slide 50: Collin Graf #51 the Narrative Slide cont.

[Slide 50 transcript start.]

Collin Graf #51 the Narrative Slide cont. [NOTE: Larger title text.]

Junior season 2023–24: like half of their team is gone, either graduating or signing with a pro team (as is the cyclical nature of college sports), but Graf and his fellow top lineys stay with Quinnipiac to run it back and try for a 2nd title.

Despite missing a total of 5 games at the start of the season, he still finishes the season 1st on his team in points (49) and goals (22), and 2nd on his team in assists (27)

Injured in the first game of the season against BC, came back the game after the next. Scored 5 points in his first game back. no biggie 👍

Gets injured again a few games later. Scored six points in the weekend that he came back. no biggie 👍

The big three line gets into a low-scoring slump during the season so the coach shuffled them a little and they got right back to it

QU falls to Boston College in the postseason (ft. 2023 4OA Sharks draft pick, Will Smith)

Note: also I can’t help but admire the author of the article linked above for riding the train metaphor to the last word. Quinnipiac is Amtrak but also running out of coal to shovel into engine 👍 the conflicting imagery adds character

Graf signs with the Sharks. Quillian and Lipkin also sign with pro teams (the Leafs and the Yotes (drafted in 2021 at 223rd), respectively), marking the end of their reign in the NCAA.

He picks up a ton titles/accolades (such as being a 2x Hobey Baker finalist!), we didn’t list them all here for brevity (haha), check out his QU profile page for the full list!

puckpocketed: it goes like this: no one expected anything out of you — 2 undrafted players, and a 7th rounder — but there you are at the end of your first year together, staring down a national title. You win. They call you the Big Three. and just on the other side of boyhood is every dream you’ve ever dreamed. You could leave for the show right now. You won’t, though. You’ll hold onto each other for one more year.

Time for Sharks hockey! [Note: Written larger for emphasis.]

Not too much to report on. A lot of losing happens <3! Slide 1 has about everything you need to know about his brief time as a 2023–24 San Jose Shark

[Image description: Photoshoot of Collin Graf in gear. He is down on one knee, stick raised over his head in celebration. On his jersey is the "A" of an alternate captain. End description.]

Fig. 1: Check out that A!!! Collin Graf/IG

[Image description: Photo of Quinnipiac celebrating their victory in the quarterfinals crowded against the glass. Collin Graf, only visible by his helmet, is pointed out with an arrow. End description.]

Fig. 2: After beating Cornell in the quarterfinals. He’s riiiiight… there! Quinnipiac Men's Ice Hockey/X

Last updated: 2024 Aug 14

[Slide 50 transcript end.]

Slide 51: Collin Graf #51: picsss

[Slide 51 transcript start.]

Collin Graf #51: picsss [NOTE: Larger title text.]

[Image description: Collin Graf celebrates his goal with his teammates to tie the game against the Minnesota Golden Gophers during the 2023 NCAA Division I Men's Hockey Frozen Four Championship Final. End description.]

Fig. 1: After he tied the ‘23 finals. He’s riiiight… there! Richard T Gagnon/ Getty Images

[Image description: Collin Graf, Christophe Tellier, Jake Quillan, and Noah Altman playing baseball on an ice rink in their hockey gear. Collin Graf is pitching a tennis ball at the batter, Tellier, who is using a hockey stick as a bat. Quillan stand behind him as the catcher, and Altman stands behind Quillan as the umpire. End description.]

Fig. 2: shoulda let him get a pitch at that Giants game Jake Quillan/IG

[Image description: Collin Graf and Sam Lipkin celebrating a goal for the Quinnipiac Bobcats. Graf is holding up a gloveless hand to his ear in a gesture like he's picking up a call. End description.]

Fig. 3: to quote the Bobcats’ tweet: “Collin can't talk right now, he's too busy scoring 😎”  Quinnipiac Men's Ice Hockey/X

[Image description: Collin Graf and Henry Thrun walk in photo. End description.]

Fig. 4: cool entrance… and also our beloved Kavin Mistry has captured Henry caught mid-fight with his suit jacket. Photographié! Kavin Mistry/NHLI via Getty Images

[Image description: Collin Graf enters the rink through a blue lit tunnel. Fans reach down from above to high five players. End description.

Fig. 5: another cool entrance B) Panayiota Good/NHLI via Getty Images

[Image description: Collin Graf sitting next to Thomas Bordeleau on the Sharks bench. A coach is leaning over his shoulder and holding a digital tablet in front of his face to show him something on it. End description.]

Fig. 6: IPAD‼️ Sharks on NBCS/X

Last updated: 2024 Aug 14

[Slide 51 transcript end.]

[sharksprimer]

[Brief description in alt text. Complete transcript below the cut.]

2.3. Mikael Granlund #64

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Slide 30: Mikael Granlund #64

[Slide 30 transcript start.]

Mikael Granlund #64 [NOTE: Bigger title text.]

[Image description: Portrait of Mikael Granlund. Relative to other player portraits, he is notably lower down the frame. End image description.]

he looks so small in this picture

center

GRANNY

pro career started in Finnish leagues.

scored a Michigan/lacrosse-style goal at IIFH 2011 and the Finnish caster’s call of it got sampled into a song! it goes hard

1st round draft pick by MN Wild in 2010, 9th overall; NHL debut 2013 Jan. 19

Had a taste of superstardom, was at one point considered as the kind of veteran who could lead the Wild into a new era. They called him Superman! Wonder how that worked out?

SURPRISE! traded to the Preds on 2019 Feb. 25

puckpocketed: IM GETTING WORD THEY DID THIS WHILE HIS FIANCE WAS IN LABOR

At the height of his Preds career, he was playmaker and drink-stirrer for Filip Forsberg and Matt Duchene. This line was considered the top scoring line <3 This didn’t last — the Preds had way too many centers at one point, and this combined with slumping performances from all three had Preds coaches moving Granny to the wing (this does not go well at all).

puckpocketed: You ever wonder what its like to be clothes in the spin cycle of the washing machine. Blublubblubblub our girl getting YEETED and SKEETED

puckpocketed: Granny does best with talented wingers whom he can anchor and pass to! he loves to Not Shoot The Puck <33 He leads the Sharks this season in assists!

traded to the Pens on 2023 Mar. 1

this was a disastrous last-gasp trade from the Pens GM, and Granlund came into a team whose media and fans thought of him as overpaid, and not what an already ageing Pens core needed. 

[NOTE: Excerpt from above link.] “...despite his slippery in-zone passing, he is so uninvolved when it comes to transitioning the puck and shoots so infrequently that his offensive impacts are rather abysmal.” [Excerpt end.]

puckpocketed: Our girl can’t catch a break LORD

[Image description: Excerpt of an article as follows: Why Mikael Granlund WILL fail The only thing we can do is wait, because all of this depends on Granlund's ability to adjust to the North American style of play, and adapt his hockey IQ to suit his environment. Or, we can just end this conversation and say Granlund will fail because he is a Wild player. It's quite simple. Description end.]

puckpocketed: I found thee most transparent Hater who wrote a HIT PIECE on Granny when he was a prospect. the whole article is like… “guys ionno about this ‘Finnish Baby Jesus’ guy he’s short and a loser and probably SMELLS…. also since he plays for the Wild it means he’s doomed to mediocrity ahaha State of Hockey amirite…” MINNESOTA MEDIA, YOU AND YOUR NARRATIVES HAUNT ME!!! 

NARRATIVE NIBBLE: the fall from grace is slow at first. Then all at once. You’re the core of a roster, a star, and they want you to lead them out of darkness. And then, one day, the Narrative turns its page, and money talks louder than you, faster than your hands can deliver pucks, and suddenly you’re too expensive and not what they need and you’ve been traded away from this place that promised you legacy. And you make your peace with it, fashion yourself a new place in a new team, only to get traded again. And these people — they don’t need you at all. And so the page turns. 

Last updated: 2024 Mar 2

[Slide 30 transcript end.]

Slide 31: Mikael Granlund #64 Part 2: Shark Arc.

[Slide 31 transcript start.]

Mikael Granlund #64 Part 2: Shark Arc. [NOTE: Larger title text.]

Sharc if you will.

traded to the Sharks (!!) on 2023 Aug. 6

After a huge career slump between his last partial season on the Preds and his very short stint on the Pens (see Fig. 3), our girl has landed in San Jose looking to make his mark and stunt on his haters!!

IT GOES PRETTY WELL! He’s named NHLPA player of the week <3 and DQ loves him for his defensive responsibility and his patience. [NOTE: Bold text start.] This unfortunately has the miserable side-effect of making him trade bait! [NOTE: Bold text end.] [puckpocketed: PAIN]

Ended the season on a 13 game point streak—2nd longest Shark streak after Erik Karlsson and also a bunch of other stats you can read about in the linked article

Got the A at the same time as Kunin. Already included in DQ’s captain meetings before that <3

“He is a player, a person, and a leader, and in particular, in the situation we are in, to have a guy with that makeup, the way he plays, his leadership ability, the type of guy he is, that’s invaluable to our soul […] I mean, [Note: Bold text added for emphasis start.] Wayne Gretzky got traded, but if Mikael Granlund is going to get traded it’s going to be for a hefty price. [NOTE: Bold text end.]” —David Quinn on Mikael Granlund trade discussions (SJHN, Feb 21)

oensible: Invoking the name of The Great One…

oensible: Now NOBODY PAY UP please I want him here for when we win the Stanley Cup <3

puckpocketed: who else is out there gassing up their players and insulting generational talents in the same breath… DQ you are so iconic. AND correct. they can’t afford our beautiful girl!!!

neonfretra: He’s a luxury few can afford. He’s a luxury ONLY THE SHARKS can afford. Get your paws OFF him!!!!!!!!!

[Image description: Mikael Granlund arrives to SAP Center. The picture is taken at an angle so that his body is a diagonal across the picuture. End description.] Fig. 1: the Sharks media person was like a film student who just discovered dutch angles this day! Twitter/X

[Image description: Mikael Granlund on his stomach in front of an opposing team's net, stick extended to reach for the puck. Behind him is an opposing defenseman and goalie. End description.] Fig. 2: having fun at the battle for california playdate AP Photo (we used the Mercury edit)

[Image description: Screenshot of Mikael Granlund's NHL profile page season stats. In the 2022–23 season with the Nashville Predators he played 58 games, scored 36 points (9 goals 27 assists) and went -16 in +/-. After being sent to the Pittsburgh Penguins that season, he played 21 games and scored 5 points (1 goal 4 assists) and went +1. End description.] Fig. 3: Granny’s Flop Era. NHL.com

oensible: oh hey that +1 is better than any of the sharks so far this season lmfao

puckpocketed: DING! Sharks player trying to make their Comeback Era: 1

Last updated: 2024 Jun 20

[Slide 31 transcript end.]

Slide 32: Mikael Granlund #64 — pictures!

[Slide 32 transcript start.]

Mikael Granlund #64 — pictures! [Note: Larger title text.]

[Image description: Mikael Granlund player of the year graphic with a picture of him in the middle. End description.] Fig. 1: Voted the Sharks’ Player of the Year by Bay Area media! San Jose Sharks/Twitter

Fig. 2: on The Deep w/ Tara Slone

Last season in with the Pens was his first year not making playoffs

Focuses on leading by example as a veteran in the game

Feels like a babysitter to Eklund & Zetterlund sometimes

[Image description: Tweet by Sheng Peng [@Sheng_Peng] at 12:21 PM on Apr 20, 2024 that says: "Zetterlund called Granlund a “dad” for both he and Eklund this season. Granlund protested Zetterlund’s comment: “I look younger than him!”" End description.] Fig. 3: Sheng Peng/Twitter

Fig. 4: schmoves around 4 Canucks for a narsty goal!!! (from the one game that the Sharks won against the Canucks this season. Also his first goal of the season)

[Image description: Nashville Predators' Marc Del Gaizo #7 defends against Mikael Granlund. Granlund is completely off his feet, falling with both skates pointed towards the camera. End description.] Fig. 5: weeeee John Russell/NHLI via Getty Images

[Image description: Mikael Granlund cuddling with his dog, Rafa, which is on his lap. End description.] Fig. 6: with his dog, Rafa <3 Nashville Predators/Twitter

Last updated: 2024 Mar 2

[Slide 32 transcript end.]

Slide 33

[Slide 33 transcript start.]

Mikael Granlund #64 — more pictures!

[Image description: Board battle between Mikael Granlund, IIHF Team Finland captain, and Ondrej Palat, IIHF Team Czechia alternate. End description.] Fig. 1: IIHF Team Finland captain at work! IIHF

[Image description: Portrait of Mikael Granlund for IIHF Team Finland. End description.] Fig. 2: his roster picture for the Team Finland at the IIHF. obsessed with this image because i can’t figure out what the neck garment is IIHF

he also got suspended one game this year for crosschecking to the head/neck area in the game before quarterfinals against rival Team Sweden and then Team Finland lost lmao. good job granny [sobbing emoji] (in defense of his character the head/neck contact seems accidental. nevertheless! YOU FOOL)

[Image description: Mikael Granlund falling through the air next to Calgary Flames skater MacKenzie Weegar, such that he is parallel to the ground at hip height of Weegar. End description.] Fig. 3: airborne… Sergei Belski/USA TODAY Sports

[Image description: Mikael Granlund wearing a suit and exiting a car while pushing hair out of his face with his hand. End description.] Fig. 4: cool guy entrance… Kavin Mistry/IG

[Image description: Anthony Duclair, Luke Kunin, Mikael Granlund, and Fabian Zetterlund in the Sharks locker room. Granlund and Zetterlund are laughing together. End description.] Fig. 5: in the locker room Andreea Cardani/IG

[Image description: Image set of two consecutive photographs. The first is of Sharks skaters Jan Rutta and Mikael Granlund skating around Oilers skater Connor McDavid while he handles the puck. McDavid then skates past them, still with the puck. End description.] Fig. 6: with the power of friendship we can contain connor mcdavid ah no nevermind there he goes Dean Tait/HockeyShots 1 / 2

Last updated: 2024 Jun 3

[Slide 33 transcript end.]

[sharksprimer]

[Brief description in alt text. Complete transcript below the cut.]

6.2. Klim Kostin #10

[NOTE: Post title is in large, bold header text.]

Please DO NOT REPOST or share this primer outside of Tumblr!

Previous (Overview + Jack Thompson #26 and David Edstrom #21) | Next (Vítek Vaněček #41) | Index

Slide 3: Klim Kostin #10

[Slide 3 transcript start.]

Klim Kostin #10 [NOTE: Larger title text.]

Received from Radim Šimek (AHL) trade

Center (but this article says he plays both wings. sharks hockey is the future of positionless hockey so it’s fine anyways <3)

KLIM SHADY (seen on twitter??)

6’4” and 232 lb: ALL PART OF THE GMMG BIG BOYS PLAN

1st round draft pick by Blues in 2017, 31st overall

Traded to Oilers 2022 Oct 9

Traded to Red Wings 2023 Jun 29

Traded to Sharks 2024 Mar 8

Had asked to be traded—wanted more ice time

And BOY are the Sharks good at delivering

Apparently has problems producing BUT THAT’S ALRIGHT he’ll fit right in

Mar 17 update: played on our top line against Chicago. please compare the games played and the points scored. and also the time on ice per game. GIVE HIM THE WHEEL I BELIEVE IN HIM!!!

neonfretra: Sned help im endeared to him already

puckpocketed: Such is the nature of primer devil. 

oensible: A 1ST ROUNDER YOU SAY!!! And he’s coming to the SHARKS of all places!!! Us primer girlies (gn) and also GMMG I guess smell failwife project blood in the water

Mar. 12 | SJS @ PHI: gets his first power play point!

Again, if we get a new guy you just KNOW you’re seein him on the special teams unit

Mar. 14 | SJS @ PIT: gets his first goal as a Shark!

“So what happened in Detroit? Kostin didn’t want to say much about it, deferring to the coaches there. ‘They might be just expecting some other game from me that I never played before? I don’t know,’ he said.” —Klim Kostin for San Jose Hockey Now

[Figure 1 image description: Table of Klim Kostin's season stats from his NHL profile page. In 2023–24 during his Detroit Red Wings stint, he played 33 games, scored 4 points (3 goals 1 assist), and averaged 8:42 time on ice per game. In the 5 games he played with the Sharks up to March 17, he scored 4 points (2 goals 2 assists), and averaged 12:41 time on ice per game. Figure 1 image description end.] Fig. 1: screenshotted from his NHL profile page. LOOK AT HIM GO!!

puckpocketed: I dont have tik tok someone help. Wheres the video where he’s like “i dont speak english” in very good english . I FOUND IT <3 

[Figure 2 image description: Youtube thumbnail of Klim Kostin walking into practice for the Red Wings. Figure 2 image description end.] Fig. 2: deeply charmed by him

Last updated: 2024 Mar 17

[Slide 3 transcript end.]

Slide 4: Klim Kostin #10

[Slide 4 transcript start.]

Klim Kostin #10 [NOTE: Larger title text.]

Received from Radim Šimek (AHL) trade

Currently on our first line (recently got supplanted by Ekky for the full Lund Line while he’s out sick though, so we’ll see)

Edit: Apr 15 ok yeah DQ is NOT going back from the Lund line.

Not gonna lie he’s been taking undisciplined penalties/dangerous plays over a few of his last games so that is one thing that I would like to see less of in the future. DQ has been temporarily demoting him accordingly

He is like a big dog that is fully aware of how big he is and will use his size to nefarious ends (crimes that put him in the penalty box!!)

DQ likes his playmaking and physicality so if all goes well I think we’re gonna be seeing more of this guy in the next (and last!) season of his current contract (2M USD AAV)

Postseason edit: DQ is gone now <3 we’ll see what Warsofsky thinks of him instead!

[Figure 1 image description: Table of Klim Kostin's season stats from his NHL profile page. In 2023–24 during his Detroit Red Wings stint, he played 33 games, scored 4 points (3 goals 1 assist), and averaged 8:42 time on ice per game. In the 14 games he played with the Sharks up to March 17, he scored 9 points (5 goals 4 assists), and averaged 14:33 time on ice per game. Figure 1 image description end.] Fig. 1: screenshotted from his NHL profile page, update as of Apr 9 from last slide.

[Figure 2 image description: Youtube thumbnail of Kostin during a postgame media availability. Figure 2 image description end.] Fig. 2: (above) charmed by his media answers. –“What did you see there [on your goal]” –“puck”

[Figure 3 image description: Klim Kostin during pregame skate in a Cali-Fin jersey and gear. Figure 3 image description end.] Fig. 3: (left) from his first game as a Shark Twitter

“‘I just feel alive again and enjoying hockey with the Sharks and just want to pay back for the coaching [staff’s] trust[.]’ Alive? Kostin smiled and said a single magic word, ‘Ice-time.’” —Klim Kostin for SJHN, Apr 2nd

Last updated: 2024 Apr 15

[Slide 4 transcript end.]

[sharksprimer]

[Brief description in alt text. Complete transcript below the cut.]

3.4. Fabian Zetterlund #20

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Slide 22: Fabian Zetterlund #20

[Slide 22 transcript start.]

Fabian Zetterlund #20 [NOTE: Larger title text.]

left winger.

KEEBS [puckpocketed: KEEEEEEBS]

Honorable mention to Zettergod (courtesy of Brodie Brazil) and Zetterdog (courtesy of Tara Slone)

3rd round (1st) draft pick by the Devils in 2017, 63rd overall.

Described as a “competitive prick” by assistant GM FitzgeraldLOL

Moving from SHL to smaller North American ice → less focus on sprinting on the ice, more focus in physicality

Local brick shithouse is described as a brick shithouse

[NOTE: Orange arrow points from this bullet point to a side note that reads—] One member of the organization saw him at development camp two summers ago and said he was built like a tank. “He’s a horse. He is strong as a horse, and now it is a matter of getting him up to top game speed,” Binghamton (Devils (AHL)) coach Mark Dennehy said. Dennehy said. “He’s able to physically engage players at this level (...) He’s got the body of a man (...)” —The Athletic

Gamer boybestfriends with Filip Sveningsson (BIK Karlskoga, Hockey Allsvenskan)

Him and Sveningsson got top 10 globally in NHL 19 while recovering from a surgery! ^_^

Cucked by connection issues (Keebs in USA, Sveningsson in Sweden)

Enter rebound gamer boybestfriend Oskar Steen (Bruins), they play FIFA together ^_^

Plays with Färjestad Bollklubb (SHL) for 4 seasons

Bounced between the Binghamton Devils, the Skellefteå AIK, the New Jersey Devils, and the Utica Comets from 2019-2023

Played with Mackenzie Blackwood (G) back when they were on the Devils together!  

also besties with Alex Holtz. TOM FITZGERALD PLEASE LET US HAVE HIM

Fig. 1: Caster Tara Slone made these! Shout out to the white square background left on the shirt. <3 Modeled by Fabian Zetterlund (left) and William Eklund (right). Instagram. [Image 1 description: Fabian Zetterlund and William Eklund wearing black t-shirts with a square, cream-colored "Beware of Zetter Dog" design in the middle. Image 1 description end.] [Image 2 description: T-shirt design that is cream-colored with a circle in the middle that says "Beware of Zetter Dog" with a cartoon illustration of a dog with the head of Fabian Zetterlund in the middle of it. Image 2 description end.]

Last updated: 2024 Jun 28

[Slide 22 transcript end.]

Slide 23: Fabian Zetterlund #20

[Slide 23 transcript start.]

Fabian Zetterlund #20 [NOTE: Larger title text.]

Part of the Great Sharks/Devils Trade of 2023 Feb 26

Flopped horrifically!

Goes 0 goals, 3 assists in 22 games with the Sharks

Compare to his 11 goals, 26 assists season with the Devs as a third-liner. Not good <3

Starts the 23-24 season in the fourth line, moves up to the first line in the Nov 2 Canucks @ Sharks game!

WillyEk joins the top line two games later (doesn’t stay there. yet)

Head cheerleader coach DQ getting out the pompoms, continues to trust in his ability to play even if the score sheet does not look good in the slightest like. A bank account? Whatever you say baby <3

Tied for top goalscorer on the Sharks (as of 2024 Feb 19) with Tomáš Hertl! (15 goals)

Soooo about that. (Post-season neonfretra here!)

…Keebs leading goal scorer of the 23-24 Sharks at 24 goals!

besties with william eklund!! <3 they hang out outside of work, and during an interview with Locked on Sharks, as he’s talking about eklund he gets a call from none other than eklund!!

puckpocketed: I do love that Ekky inherited him from Alex Holtz. They sharin boybestfriends <3  

can make sausage pasta and pesto pasta.

who knows, maybe more pastas…

[Image description: Picture of Fabian Zetterlund sticking his tongue out. Image description end.] Fig. 1: BLEP!! Twitter/X

neonfretra: Boy where the hell is your team history

puckpocketed: In the manner that you’d try to calm a horse: i got u <3

neonfretra: neigh…

[Image description: SJ Sharkie driving an ATV on the ice with Fabian Zetterlund sitting behind him and smiling. Image description end.] Fig. 2: weeeee Twitter/X 

[Image description: screenshot of the broadcast where Fabian Zetterlund and William Eklund are both sliding on their stomachs with their sticks stretched out in front of them. Image description end.] Fig. 3: Zetterlund and Eklund go diving together <3 Twitter/X 

Last updated: 2024 Jun 28

[Slide 23 transcript end.]

Slide 24: Fabian Zetterlund #20—1st media slide

[Slide 24 transcript start.]

Fabian Zetterlund #20–assorted media [NOTE: Larger title text.]

[Image description: Thumbnail of Locked on Sharks podcast video featuring Fabian Zetterlund. Image description end.] Fig. 1: Interview with JD Young

[Image description: Thumbnail of video that is a collage of photos of Zetterlund and Alex Holtz hanging out in the city. Image description end.] Fig. 2: Hanging out and talking about hockey with Alex Holtz in 2023 January as New Jersey Devils - He hits the griddy in this video

[Image description: Fabian Zetterlund wearing a gray suit and sunglasses. His hand is lowering his sunglasses so that he is peering over the top. Image description end.] Fig. 3: (right) Dressed up for opening night! On which they are about to flop! <3 San Jose Sharks/ Facebook

Fig. 4: Being a menace in the background of this video which i can’t embed b/c GSlides hates me

[Image description: Fabian Zetterlund wearing a black Palm Angels sweatshirt in front of a red background. Image description end.] Fig. 5: he is a model to me San Jose Sharks/Facebook

[Image description: Fabian Zetterlund celebrating a goal. Image description end.] Fig. 6: celly! San Jose Sharks/Facebook

[Image description: Fabian Zetterlund in shorts and no shirt running through shallow water alongside a dog holding a frisbee in its mouth. He has extraordinarily defined musculature. Image description end.] Fig. 7: Ripped as fuck, apparently Fabian Zetterlund/IG

Last updated: 2024 Apr 21

[Slide 24 transcript end.]

Slide 25: Eklund and Zetterlund

[Slide 25 transcript start.]

Ekky and Zetterlund hanging out together [NOTE: Larger title text.]

(do not separate)

[Image 1 description: Zetterlund, Eklund and Granlund laugh with show host Emily Harlan on a Sharks off-day in San Jose making pizza. Image 1 description end.] [Image 2 description: Thumbnail of Sharks Off-Days episode with Zetterlund adding toppings to a pizza while Granlund and Emily Harlan look on. Image 2 description end.] Fig. 1: Sharks Off Days episode—Triple Lund Unit makes pizzas (Above: @SanJoseSharks/Twitter)

[Image description: Fabian Zetterlund and William Eklund at a public skate. Eklund is sitting on a bucket and being pushed around by Zetterlund, who is holding his hockey stick straight out in front of him like he’s jousting. Image description end.] Fig. 2: on the attack (San Jose Sharks/ Facebook)

[Image description: William Eklund and Zabian Zetterlund pose for a photo while at lunch with Duclair. Image description end.] Fig. 3: lunch with Duke @SanJoseSharks/Twitter

[Image 1 description: Eklund and Zetterlund walking in opening their suit jackets that have pictures on the inside. Image 1 description end.] [Image 2 description: The inside of Zetterlund and Eklund's suit jackets. Zetterlund's has pictures of Cristiano Ronaldo, many of which are shirtless, and Eklund's has pictures of his younger brothers. Image 2 description end.] Fig. 4: showing off the new suits they got at the same time + detail San Jose Sharks/ Twitter

[Image description: William Eklund and Fabian Zetterlund smile while they “coach” the SF Earthquakes. Image description end.] Fig. 5: coaching at the SJS pride scrimmage <3 @SanJoseSharks/Twitter

[Image description: Fabian Zetterlund and William Eklund showing off their Chrismas-themed clothing. Eklund is wearing a tie with snowmen on it. Zetterlund is wearing a tie with Christmas elf clothing patterning, a headband with a Christmas tree, and a suit lined with pictures of the Swedish flag. Image description end.] Fig. 6: Christmastime (San Jose Sharks/ Facebook)

Last updated: 2024 Apr 13

[Slide 25 transcript end.]

[sharksprimer]

[Brief description in alt text. Complete transcript below the cut.]

3.9. Thomas Bordeleau #17

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Slide 43: Thomas Bordeleau #17

[Slide 43 transcript start.]

Thomas Bordeleau #17 [Note: Larger title text]

center, BUT moved to the wing on the Cuda (need to check if this is still true) (it’s true!)

BORDY! [puckpocketed: thom bordy loo [heart emoticon]]

USA Hockey (IIHF) had him playing with six different wingers in 3 tournaments with great success

Goated with the faceoff?

A point of focus with his dad and current Nashville Predators skills coach Sébastien Bordeleau who had a career face off win rate of 57.1%

 His hands. They’re bisexual. He shoots left but can take a faceoff right handed too

Gets pretty Death Note about the faceoff

“A lot of guys are like ‘set up first, make sure you get your space first on the dot, make sure you kind of win the dot,’” Bordeleau said. “But a lot of times I kind of like seeing how the guy sets up, just kind of taking a step back and just seeing where his hands are at, how wide he is with his feet, where he puts his blade on the dot.”—Michigan Daily

Strong at faceoffs → more trust from coaches → more ice time

2nd round draft pick by Sharks in 2020, 38nd overall

COVID-19 hates him

Missed the 2020 AND 2021 World Junior Championships, as well as the 2022 Olympics

[Image description: Thomas Bordeleau celebrating after a goal with Justin Bailey and Kyle Burroughs. End description.] Fig. 1: celebrating a goal next to Justin Bailey (6’4”) he looks itty bitty (…at 5’11”. hockey players are so tall) (San Jose Sharks/Twitter)

[Image description: Thomas Bordeleau and Kyle Criscuolo at the rink, wearing regular clothing and their Cuda jersey and smiling at the camera. Bordeleau has his head leaning on Criscuolo's shoulder. End description.] Fig. 2: He has mastered the art of making heart eyes in real life (SJ Barracuda/Twitter)

[Image description: Thomas Bordeleau celebrating after a goal with William Eklund, Fabian Zetterlund, and Calen Addison. End description.] Fig. 3: celebrating another goal next to William Eklund, Fabian Zetterlund, and Calen Addison (all 5’11”). Considering the last guy on this PP unit was Mikael Granlund (5’10”)… was this the shortest PP unit in the league I wonder?(San Jose Sharks/Twitter)

Last updated: 2024 Jul 1

[Slide 43 transcript end.]

Slide 44: Thomas Bordeleau #17

[Slide 44 transcript start.]

Thomas Bordeleau #17 [NOTE: Larger title text.]

2020-2022, plays with University of Michigan

UMich coach Mel Pearson’s strange and unusual guinea pig; if there’s something he wants to try out, Bordy’s doing it!

Does a lot of moving between lines, doing different playstyles

Despite his adaptable playing, consistently defensively challenged

Early in 20-21 season, plays consistently with fellow freshmen Matty Beniers (Kraken) and Kent Johnson (Blue Jackets)

Though by sophomore year, reports shifted to Beniers, Johnson, and Owen Powers (Sabres)

Talks so fond of facing off with Matty Beniers like the only photo of them at the faceoff dot doesn’t have them perpendicular. (See fig. 2.)

Awarded the 2021 Tim Taylor Award and named Big 10 Rookie for a team leading 8 goals, 22 assists

UMich makes it to the 21-22 Frozen Four (NCAA) semifinals!

Ends his sophomore year early to join the Cuda 2022, Apr 12

Signs with the Sharks in April 2022 to a 3 year ELC

Heralded as clutch master?

They also took him to throw axes with some other sharks

2022 Nov. 20 | SJB @ TUC: scores first Cuda natural hatty!

2023 Mar. 30 | VGK @ SJS: NHL debut (2022-23 Sharks also plagued by injuries which is why he gets the call up)

[Image description: The UMich men's ice hockey team celebrating in a big group huddle with a big green cardboard ticket with the Frozen Four logo that says "Boston bound!" in big capital white letters. End description.] Fig. 1: The 21-22 UMich men’s ice hockey team! Circled him in white (Michigan Hockey/Twitter)

[Image description: Matty Beniers #10 of the Seattle Kraken reaches for the puck during a face off against Thomas Bordeleau #23 of the San Jose Sharks during the second period at Climate Pledge Arena on April 29, 2022 in Seattle, Washington. End description.] Fig. 2: [NOTE: Written in small text.] Squinting at older photos of Thomas Bordeleau, did you know he changed how he did his sock tape over the years? He does a little candy cane spiral to connect the top and bottom now, rather than two separate bands. He also doesn’t tape down the back of his skate anymore. I think he also changed the skates he uses because they don’t have the floppy tongue, and, really, this is all to say I am actually kind of sure the photographer is correct in saying identifying Bordy as the Sharks player in this photo. I have eye strain. [NOTE: Small text end.] [neonfretra: I’ve been losing my mind, thanks for asking.] (Steph Chambers/Getty Images)

[Slide 44 transcript end.]

Slide 45: Thomas Bordeleau #17

[Slide 45 transcript start.]

Thomas Bordeleau #17 [NOTE: Larger title text.]

Began the 23-24 season in the NHL our centers exploded yayyy….

2023 Oct. 14 | COL @ SJS | 2-1 OT loss: scored his first NHL goal

Sent back down to the AHL to continue to develop more after Sturmy came off IR — this is when they moved him to the wing.

Does REALLY well on the wing — 7 points in 5 games during Nov 2023.

Look, all I’m saying is that, with his career so far (see previous slide), this is probably healthy stimulation for him.

Injured in early Janurary 2024, they say it’s day-to-day EXCEPT HE’S STILL OUT ON THE 26TH WHY YOU FUCKIN LYING!!!

Post-deadline and with Cooch confirmed out for the rest of the season (healthiest girls in the entire league btw) we’ve got plenty of room in the forward position, so he gets a call up March 6th!

He’s chilling in the 3rd line as a winger with Sturmy and Kostin.

Has a good run! Scores a goal against the Islanders on 2024 Mar 7, then both goals against the Sens on 2024 Mar 10 (these ones were on the PP!)

March 30, WELCOME BACK BORDY!

This guy is so unbelievably weird. The Sharks had a time out and when they all skated over to listen to DQ mans had his eyes CLOSED the whole way through.

Whatever he’s doing with smelling salts [puckpockete: ….i wish i had whatever is in those lmao HES GOING HAM… HIS EYES TOO??]

[Image description: Thomas Bordeleau skating over to Logan Couture after scoring the game winning goal in overtime. End description.] Fig. 1: hanging out with captain cooch Andreea Cardani/San Jose Sharks

puckpocketed: Once squirted water down his PANTS during a match. Seen squirting water down his shirt regularly (more normal). Cannot say yet if this is something regular we will see from him but good LORD

neonfretra: And here we have trench foot (Addison) and diaper rash.

puckpocketed: NARRATIVE NIBBLE: this is his d+4 year. This is IT for him. He’s already a poor fit for the size-agenda GMMG has, and other prospects who are hitting development milestones loom on the horizon. If he can’t crack the roster now, he never will. On his hand, the words “you are the master of your own fate, daily decisions determine destiny” are inscribed in Latin. I see his willingness to take on new roles, his hunger for a spot, and I can’t help but believe in him. I hope he’s a permanent fixture on the roster from now on.

puckpocketed: what I like about his game is his net front presence <3 he’s there, he’s ready for the tip-in, he’s gonna dig for an ugly goal. AND he’s done well off the puck, he’s not an active liability defensively (this is uncommon with our girls), and I’m also a fan of his weird raccoon-man energy idk idk… he’s compelling u know??

Last updated: 2024 Jul 1

[Slide 45 transcript end.]

Slide 46: Thomas Bordeleau #17

[Slide 46 transcript start.]

Thomas Bordeleau #17 [NOTE: Larger title text.]

[Image description: Thomas Bordeleau and William Eklund take a selfie during Media Day on the ice. They are wearing the new teal jerseys and helmets. End description.] Fig. 1: hanging out with bestie Wille Ekky San Jose Sharks/Twitter

[Image description: Thomas Bordeleau in side profile with a haircut that is long on top and short with a fade on the sides. End description.] Fig. 2: “ur telling me that’s thom bordy loo… not some dyke i met at the bar ??” puckpocketed: — my genuine reaction to this photo Instagram

[Image description: Thomas Bordeleau skates for the Cuda. End description.] Fig. 3: sometimes pretty princesses are boys <3 (Photo: Andreea Cardani/SJ Barracuda Flickr)

[Image description: From left to right: William Eklund in a gray suit jacket and dark gray pants, Tristen Robins in a gray suit and sunglasses, and Thomas Bordeleau in a black suit with black dress shirt, a black fedora, sunglasses, and white and red Air Jordan sneakers. He is also carrying a canned drink. End description.] Fig. 4: WHAT is he wearing here? All black ….priest fit ? and then . squints. Air Jordans? Left to right: William Eklund, Tristen Robins, Thomas Bordeleau. Instagram

[Image description: Thomas Bordeleau playing for Michigan Wolverines, pointing at something to the left of the camera with his face scrunched up. End description.] Fig. 5: His squinched up face here is very funny <3 (Photo: James Coller/MGoBlog Flickr)

[Image description: Thomas Bordeleau sitting on the floor next to the rink while petting a dog in his lap. End description.] Fig. 6: Bordy and cuda doggie Ace have a cuddle!! Twitter/X

puckpocketed: NARRATIVE NIBBLE: So by now Bordy’s been up with the Sharks for a while and is on fire in terms of production. He has that work ethic the Sharks have been trying to build up in their players this season, he’s had it for years. You have to know the extent of his shapeshifting. In college he was asked to fulfill all kinds of forward roles, on every kind of line, in so many different situations. He did all of it. He comes to the Sharks and then the Cuda and they ask him to move to the wing and he does it. He’s so much more than his weird habits, underneath it all is a hard working player who puts his all into becoming exactly what his coaches ask of him. Most of the time, he even succeeds. But who is Thomas Bordeleau outside of that? What kind of hockey will he show us if he’s allowed to develop his game?

Last updated: 2024 Jun 30

[Slide 46 transcript end.]

[sharksprimer]

[Brief description in alt text. Complete transcript below the cut.]

3.3. Anthony Duclair #10

[NOTE: Post title is in large, bold header text.]

Please DO NOT REPOST or share this primer outside of Tumblr!

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Slide 11: Anthony Duclair #10

[Slide 11 transcript start.]

Anthony Duclair #10

oensible: Update (Mar 9): waiting for him to come home <3

left winger.

3rd round (19th) draft pick by the Rangers in 2013, 80th overall.

Duke!!

Traded to Yotes 2015 March 1

Traded to Chicago 2018 Jan 10

Signed to Blue Jackets 2018 Jul 6

Traded to Sens 2019 Feb 23

Signed to Panthers 2020 Dec 17

oensible: played with Jumbo on the Panthers!

Played in their 2023 Stanley Cup finals run

Founded the Duclair Foundation, focuses on racial equality in hockey

Traded to Sharks 2023 Jul 1

He’s sooo fast he go nyoom haha what’s that? He’s offside? OOOOHH THEY HATE HIM FOR HIS WHEELS!!!

puckpocketed: first thing I noticed when I started watching the sharks is that this man has goals taken back for being offside. From the first time it happened I vowed that the Situation Room and I were mortal enemies

Currently mid-Flop Era

NVM HE’S ON A FUCKING ROLL!!!!!!!!! Scouts you fucking stay away!!!!!!!!!

Single father to Fabian Zetterlund (+ other teammates?)

You wouldn’t separate him from his sons would you.

Anthony Duclair is the San Jose Sharks Team Daycare Center. [NOTE: Article headline.] Fig. 3: the headline of all time. Connor Power for Blades of Teal

puckpocketed: DING! Sharks players trying to make their Comeback Era counter: 2

[Image description: Anthony Duclair arrives before the game on Gaming Night. The doorway he is walking through has colored lights taped to the sides, casting a colorful rim light. End description.] Fig. 1: The Duke on Gaming Night at the Shark Tank, 2023 Nov 25 (Photo by Kavin Mistry/San Jose Sharks)

[Image description: Anthony Duclair smirks with his mouth open pregame in the locker room. End description] Fig. 2: pregame pic ^_^ (Photo: @SanJoseSharks/Twitter)

Last updated: 2024 Mar 9

[Slide 11 transcript end.]

Slide 12: Anthony Duclair #10

[Slide 12 transcript start.]

Anthony Duclair #10 [NOTE: Larger title text.]

Was catching scratches before the ASG for inconsistency of effort in the eyes of DQ

BUT is now popping off after the ASG break which is good in that he’s killin it out there!!! And bad in that uh oh he’s becoming a more and more valuable trade piece

And this is on top of his playoffs experience from the Panthers’ playoff run last season…

If DQ sends you out to get a cup for another team and some yummy return deal for the Sharks, come home to your kids ok? luv u <3

Also STYLISH and he knows it. Has a family friend suit guy that he also hooks up his teammates with. Does not accept being ranked any lower than 2nd or 3rd in the NHL, he is HUMBLE <3

[Image description: Anthony Duclair walking in a three-piece blue suit. End description.] Fig. 1: gorgeous. perfection. from 2023 Nov 2, the Sharks are about to lose to the Canucks 10–1 <3 (Photo: @SanJoseSharks/Twitter)

[Image description: Anthony Duclair stands while holding a golf club. End description.] Fig. 2: hello!!! from the offseason (Photo: @SanJoseSharks/Twitter)

oensible: UPDATE ON TRADE RUMORS EVERYPONY: (Mar 6) since everybody and their grandmother is anticipating a Duke trade but nobody’s making any moves yet he hired an agent a few months ago (previously represented himself in negotiations)

oensible: UPDATE: (Mar 7) He’s scratched tonight for trade reasons. I’m just gonna directly quote him—“I’ve enjoyed my time here, I think everybody knows that I enjoyed the boys, enjoyed this organization, and would definitely be open to coming back[…] You kind of see how (guys), even post-career, stick around and love the organization. That’s something that I’d like to be a part of.” —Duclair on whether he would be interested in resigning with the Sharks over the summer if he got traded this season. PLEASEEEE he doesn’t need to plinko around the league anymore GMMG GIVE HIM AN 8 YR CONTRACT

oensible: So I’m at peace. I will wait for him no matter <3 

Last updated: 2024 Mar 7

[Slide 12 transcript end.]

Slide 13: Anthony Duclair Foundation

[Slide 13 transcript start.]

Anthony Duclair Foundation [NOTE: Larger title text.]

neonfretra: We all keep thinking “MAN it would be cool to talk about this” and then forget to finish writing this

[Image description: Anthony Duclair and others holding shovels to symbolize the beginning of construction of the Boyd Anderson High School rink. There is a banner for the Anthony Duclair Foundation behind them. End Fig. 1: (left) Event for the beginning of construction on the Boyd Anderson High School rink. Duclair Foundation

[Image description: Anthony Duclair Foundation logo, which is Duclair's initials written in an angular typeface. End description.] Fig. 2: Duclair Foundation’s logo, as depicted in its current Twitter profile picture.

Founded in 2021 with the Panthers over the ASG break

First major funders were the Florda Panthers and the NHLPA’s Goals & Dreams fund

Hosts development camps in Florida & Pierrefonds, Quebec

Started to get a synthetic ice rink built at a high school in South Florida this year, planning to build more!

“Hopefully when I’m done playing and I’m an old man and all watching hockey in my rocking chair, I can see a few Black guys per team. And then, one day I would love to see like a full starting five on each side. That would be awesome.” —Anthony Duclair for the Tampa Bay Times, 2024

“Hockey is not for everyone. It’s time to change that narrative. The Anthony Duclair Foundation’s mission is to ensure that underserved communities are granted safe and equal access to playing hockey in North America. Because of the current systematic barriers that prevent certain communities from participating in organized hockey, many of them will never get the opportunity to participate or be exposed to the game.

“We are committed to inspiring a new generation of hockey players and hockey fans by building the game’s reputation and making it acces[s]ible from both a cost and culture perspective at the grassroots level. By making hockey accessible and safe for everyone, we will strengthen our connection to each other, to our communities, and to our fans.

“We want to be game changers.” —Mission statement of the Duclair Foundation

Last updated: 2024 Apr 24

[Slide 13 transcript end.]

Slide 14

[Slide 14 transcript start.]

[Image description: A 3-image photoset of Duclair and Ferraro walking to the plane laughing and looking at each other. End description.] Fig. 1: This slide is dedicated to these images of Anthony Duclair and Mario Ferraro that I think about EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE!!! Slightly cropped so that they fit on this slide. (from: @SanJoseSharks/Twitter)

We made this slide on the third day of making this primer back in mid February, when there were only 40 slides. How fast the night changes. </3

[Slide 14 transcript end.]

Slide 15: IT HAPPENED

[Slide 15 transcript start.]

IT HAPPENED [NOTE: Larger title text in all caps.]

yeag [NOTE: Bolded for emphasis.]

It happened! First big trade for the 2024 trade deadline

Traded to Lightning—2024 Mar 7

FOR ANOTHER DEFENSEMAN

Here’s how 11 forwards, 7 dmen can still work

SJS gets: Jack Thompson, 2024 3rd round pick

TBL gets: Anthony Duclair, 2025 7th round pick

Not opposed to returning come summer!!! [NOTE: Bolded for emphasis.]

Mutual agreement with management to leave off contract talk until off-season

He’s going out to win the cup and then come home okay?

EVERYONE MISSES HIM! [sad emoticon]

“this isn’t a sharks primer this is now an anthony duclair tribute” —@puckpocketed

puckpocketed: I didn’t even realise how many photos he’s in until after he got traded he is in half our slides fr

Anthony Duclair and William Eklund salute each other in the Sharks locker room. Fig. 3: March 5. (Twitter)

[Image description: Tweet by Curtis Pashelka [@CurtisPashelka] that says: "Sharks acquired a 2024 third-round selection and defenseman Jack Thompson from the Tampa Bay Lightning in exchange for forward Anthony Duclair and San Jose’s 2025 seventh-round selection." End description.] Fig. 1: The sound of my heart breaking.

[Image description: Quote retweet by Max Miller [@Real_Max_Miller] that says "Duclair & Bordeleau were close: "I'll see him at the start of the Summer. I'm wishing him good luck, and I'm sure he's gonna do great, and he's a great dude. We're gonna miss him in the locker room for sure." #SJSharks". The original tweet being quoted is by Curtis Pashelka [@CurtisPashelka] and says: "Bordeleau on friendship with Duclair: "It's the first time I've had a guy who was that involved in kind of helping me start my pro career. I only have good words to say about him. Whatever team he goes to, they're lucky."" End description.] Fig. 2: [sad emoticon]

puckpocketed: Duke aren’t you tired of being traded at the deadline? Don’t you ever dream of putting down roots? We’re waiting for you!! Win that cup. come home </3

The first Tampa Bay vs. Sharks game after the trade will be on March 21 at the SAP center. [NOTE: Larger, bolded text. Date is written in orange for emphasis.]

Last updated: 2024 Mar 7

[Slide 15 transcript end.]

Slide 16: Anthony Duclair POPS THE HELL OFF!!!!!

[Slide 16 transcript start.]

[NOTE: This slide is in Tampa Bay Lightning colors.]

Anthony Duclair POPS THE HELL OFF!!!!! [NOTE: Larger title text, written in all caps with multiple exclamation marks.]

He’s on a point per game run for his first FOUR games with Tampa!

PHI @ TBL | Mar. 9 |  0–7

AKA the game where John Tortorella got ejected and suspended

A 2 point game—a goal and an assist!

In more inhumane terms, 4 goals in 16 SOG in period one

Third star of the game!!

NYR @ TBL | Mar. 14 |  3–6

Scores a goal!

Third star of the game!!

TBL @ FLA | Mar. 16 |  5–3

Gets an assist!

UM.

His first penalty WOO!

TBL @ SJS | Mar. 21 | 4–1

Welcome back dad!

We go tied 1-1 until third period

Lightning score 3 times over lmao

DUKE GOAL THE STREAK STAYS STRONG

UNDEFEATED IN THEIR DUKE ERA

oensible: were we… were we the leg weights…

Fast forwarding a little…

His debut points streak lasts 7 games, Mar 9–24

oensible: franchise record btw!!

He scored 15 points in 17 games with Tampa

8 goals, 7 assists!

Tampa’s Duke era win streak lasts until their Mar. 23 OT loss to the LA Kings. Their 1st Duke era regulation loss was on Apr. 1 to Detroit

[Image description: Anthony Duclair and Steven Stamkos celebrating Duke's first goal with the Lightning. End description.] Fig. 1: celebrating his 1st goal w/ Tampa on Mar. 9 Tampa Bay Lightning/Twitter

Tampa Bay made it to the 1st wildcard spot in the Eastern Conference and are now facing the Florida Panthers in round 1 of playoffs!

oensible: eliminated in 5 games. my stupid baka life

oensible: I think he loves it in Florida and maybe he’s not coming back to the Sharks if he can stay there but that’s ok. Fingers crossed selfishly of course but he loves it there and he’s doing good work out there (see fig. 2 and the Duclair Foundation slide) so if he’s happy? I’m happy :,) Please visit sometimes <3

Fig. 2: Block Party interview, also with longtime bestie + fellow Hockey Diversity Alliance founder Matt Dumba!

oensible: FREE AGENCY UPDATE HES IN NEW YORK NOW

puckpocketed: Isles…its a 4yr contract i hear… he settling down but not with us :^(

Last updated: 2024 May 2

[Slide 16 transcript end.]

[sharksprimer]

[Brief description in alt text. Complete transcript below the cut.]

3.1. Kevin Labanc #62

[NOTE: Post title is in large, bold header text.]

Please DO NOT REPOST or share this primer outside of Tumblr!

Previous (Luke Kunin #11) | Next (Nico Sturm #7) | Index

Slide 1: List of forwards

[Slide 1 transcript start. NOTE: This slide consists of a list of player names that are hyperlinked to those players' slides. This transcript does not include the hyperlinks]

[Slide 1 transcript end.]

Slide 2: Kevin Labanc #62

[Slide 2 transcript start.]

Kevin Labanc #62 [NOTE: Larger title text.]

right winger.

Bancer, Straight to The Banc 

looking for a new team. more on that later

1st player to score 4 points in 1 period in a NHL postseason game 7 (yes it was *that* Vegas game)

oensible: Giving him the first slide in the forwards section even though he’s been scratched to hell and back in honor of the fact that he’s been here the third longest and will be leaving soon ;-; (probably the offseason) (He is expensive. And not playing well)

UNDERDOG!!!

the last overall pick for the USA Hockey National Team Development Program.

thought to be “really behind his group” by an associate coach due to being relatively small compared to others

practiced in their shooting room whenever he had the opportunity and he’s good at being deceptive

6th round (21st) draft pick by the Sharks in 2014, 171st overall.

“At 284 games and counting, Labanc has played more games than any fifth, sixth, or seventh-round pick from his draft year." (as of 2020 Aug 20)

"One of my favorite books to read as a kid was Count of Monte Cristo because it was about a person who tried to start out from nothing and gained everything." —Kevin Labanc, Reading is Cool November reminder. HELLO im clawing at the walls

puckpocketed: DING. Sharks players with a chip on their shoulder: 1 [Image description: Very small portrait of Kevin Labanc. Image description end]

His family is very close and very into hockey, father was briefly a pro d-man in Slovakia. He says they inspire him to work hard

Joe ‘Jumbo’ Thornton (now retired) is also a father/mentor figure to him on the Sharks!

Power play specialist

On 2019 Mar 6, was 10th in the NHL in points per 60 minutes of 5-on-4 play (7.12 pts/60 min)

Praised for his “vision, patience and deception”, as well as his great shot by head coach Peter DeBoer, teammates Joe Thornton and Brenden Dillon

Proceeded to sign a 1M USD, 1 year contract with the Sharks in the summer of 2019

2nd lowest contract for a forward w/ 40+ pts (Labanc had 56 pts) in the last yr of their entry level contract since the 2004–05 lockout, lowest for 50 pts

Speculated by some that it was a favor to help manage cap space in exchange for his 18.9M USD, 4 yr contract signed in 2020… but we’ll never know

[Start block quote]

"Labanc, the fourth-longest tenured Shark after Timo Meier was traded to the New Jersey Devils in February, said he's more concerned about trying to end San Jose's four-year playoff drought than a new contract right now. "I just want to win," Labanc said. "I don’t want to be put in the same position that we were in the last half of the season. That wasn’t fun to be a part of. So just competing and winning, that’s why I play the game. Let the business take care of care of itself, but right now, it’s just all hands on deck."" — Labanc, quoted on 2023 Oct 3 for The Mercury News 

[End block quote]

puckpocketed: DING. Sharks players who, owing her a life debt, WILL bring her a cup: 2

oensible: NOT ANYMORE LMAO

Last updated: 2024 Mar 2

[Slide 2 transcript end.]

Slide 3: Kevin Labanc #62

[Slide 3 transcript start.]

Kevin Labanc #62 [NOTE: Larger title text.]

he also sits for bench penalties and used to clear out the net in warmups. I think Mario does it now though

oensible: update: Filip Zadina sits bench penalties now

Hertl was the Shark before him to clear out the net (video here from before a SJS–OTT game, 2015 March 23. #48 with the red stick)

oensible: mike hoffman scored an empty netter and got 2 assists against the sharks in that 2015 ottawa game. he haunts me

his family is Slovakian—his whole family roots for Slovakia in international hockey (0:25–1:00) and the Slovakian hockey player he looked up to the most as a kid is Peter Bondra (2:54–3:54)

visited Slovakia and met his grandma for the first time during an event with USNTDP when he was 16 years old

[Start block quote.]

“It’s like my second home.” —Kevin Labanc on serving too many men penalties, quoted by NBC Sports in 2018

[End blockquote.]

Fig. 1: sweet cousin Kevin fishing out pucks

[Image description: Kevin Labanc in the penalty box, serving a bench penalty for the Sharks having too many men on ice. End description.] Fig. 2: sweet cousin Kevin serving a too many men penalty on 2023 Nov 20, the last game he played in which the Sharks got a bench penalty

oensible: i find him charming in how his team will just be like. kevin go do that thing that we don’t like to do. and he will be like ok. yay . [Image description: Very small portrait of Kevin Labanc. Image description end]

Fig. 3: sweet cousin Kevin on hockey, family

Fig. 4: sweet cousin Kevin trapped in the basement in a Sharks ad. Struggling <3

Last updated: 2024 Apr 9

[Slide 3 transcript end.]

Slide 4: Kevin Labanc #62

[Slide 4 transcript start.]

THE TIMO TRADE: they send his bestie outta town [NOTE: Larger title text.]

[Image description: Small Kevin Labanc and Timo Meier portraits shaking hands. End description.]

roommates for their first few NHL years

both had breakout seasons in 2018–19, followed by mixed results, 

Timo Mimo flourished in the 2021–22 season with the Sharks. Our sweet cousin Kevin did not <3

2022–23 was rough for Kevin but he has a bounce-back where he earns 23 pts in 29 games on a line with Timo Mimo and Hertl! where are they now, you ask? um

[Start blockquote.]

“2014 sixth-rounder Labanc and 2015 first-rounder Meier literally grew up together in the San Jose Sharks system, and personally, I always saw them as peas in a pod, especially in the early years, when they were the young guys in a veteran Sharks locker room.[…] ‘We kind of started in the AHL together. We played our first pre-season game together,’ Labanc, who’s about to become a father for the first time, recalled wistfully. ‘Play cards on the back of the plane, we were roommates our first three years. It was a lot of fun, and we had a lot of memories together.[…] It’s not goodbye,’ Labanc said, ‘it’s see you later.’” —Sheng Peng, quoting Kevin Labanc on the Timo Meier trade

[End blockquote.]

[Start blockquote.]

“I think when I was with Tommy and Timo, I think we were really playing well all together. Creating a lot of chances [and] playing hard, and then once you get separated, you kind of lose that chemistry a little bit, and it became a little bit harder. I think you just got to be able to play with anybody.” —Kevin Labanc, as quoted by SJHN in his 2022–23 exit interview

[End blockquote.]

puckpocketed: Attributing his slump to that depression dogs get when u separate them from their boybestfriend

Fig. 1: lip reading challenge together in 2017

Fig. 2: his Off Days episode from 2018 with Timo Mimo

[Image description: Kevin Labanc celebrates a goal as Timo Meier skates towards him with arms open for a hug. End description.] Fig. 3: after Labanc’s game 7 go-ahead goal, 2019 (Randy Vazquez/Bay Area News Group)

Last updated: 2024 Mar 21

[Slide 4 transcript end.]

Slide 5: Banc city bitchhhhhhhh

[Slide 5 transcript start.]

[Image description: Title of the slide is a tweet by Logan Couture [@Logancouture] that says "@Str8ToTheBanc Banc city bitchhhhhhh" followed by 6 emojis of stacks of money. The portrait of Kevin Labanc has been replaced by the tiny version.]

So. Um. Remember how they’re trying to rehome him

After the ASG break last season (2022–23), got way less ice time and was healthy scratched 8 times

Family stuff also going on at this time (his father’s health, and a baby)

Commended by Cooch and DQ for being a positive locker room presence despite it all

Bounced back alright by the end of the season! 33 pts in 72 games ain’t bad

Didn’t do too well in the preseason due to injury [sad face], scratched for first few games of this season

And that takes us to the present in which he is always scratched

On and off trouble with DQ… (ex. 1) (ex. 2) (ex. 3) (ex. 4)

Officially confirmed to be looking for a fresh start with a different NHL team on Feb 14

oensible: i fear dq hates him [broken heart]

A couple small problems though…

1) he’s expensive (contract is 4.725M USD per year and the Sharks only have one salary retention slot)

2) he’s lowkey flopping a little bit [broken heart] (7 pts in 37 games and DQ keeps healthy scratching him!!)

puckpocketed: to put it in perspective: our cousin kevin can’t crack a roster that has been gutted of all its star power. dq has recalled a d-man from the cuda who has experience playing forward. calen addison, another d-man, has played forward. we are getting 18 d-men playing forward before we see kevin labanc again [salute]

[Start blockquote.]

“Maybe when you were younger, you thought you’d be with the same team for your whole career, but that’s not necessarily the case. Not everyone can be Marc-Edouard Vlasic or Logan Couture or Tomas Hertl.” —Kevin Labanc, quoted in SJHN article. Can you hear my heart breaking swiftly and violently into a million pieces

[End blockquote.]

oensible: HAHA YEAH LIKE HERTL. [smile with a tear]

puckpocketed: NARRATIVE NIBBLE: HE THOUGHT HE COULD STAY HE THOUGHT THEY MIGHT KEEP HIM AND. WELL. NOW HE KNOWS BETTER. (He’s known better for a long, long time) ahaha….clutching this man for dear life as the accursed trade deadline rolls around. the hockey gods are cruel, yes. but what we do to these young men who only ever dream of playing is infinitely worse.

[Image description: Magnus Chrona talking to the Sharks locker room after their March 9th win against the Ottawa Senators, still half-dressed in his gear. Kevin Labanc, who did not play this game, is visible through the doorway, dressed in a suit. Added on top is a bright orange arrow pointing to Kevin Labanc's head, and his tiny portrait as identification. End description.] Fig. 1: Our sweet cousin Kevin, in the literal and metaphorical doorway after the March 9th win against the Sens in which he was a healthy scratch. Twitter/X

oensible: he didn’t move by the trade deadline so we are probably just going to lose him in free agency. goodbye sweet cousin kevin [heart]

Last updated: 2024 Mar 15

[End slide 5 transcript.]

Kevin Labanc #62 — misc pictures!

[Start slide 6 transcript.]

Kevin Labanc #62 — misc pictures! [Image description: Tiny Kevin portrait. End description.] [NOTE: Larger title text.]

[Image description: Kevin Labanc media day photoshoot. He is under a blue light and the silhouette of a photographer can be seen in the foreground. End description.] Fig. 1: i think he looks nice here (Photo: San Jose Sharks/Facebook)

[Image description: Kevin Labanc standing in shallow water on a beach in shorts, holding a small pig. End description.] Fig. 2: no idea where he got that pig from Twitter/X

[Image description: Kevin Labanc skating during the Sharks pregame, touching a tooth on the Shark head entrance with his stick. End description.] Fig. 3: Max Miller says he always touches the same tooth on the shark head. Max Miller also TORMENTS me because I cannot find the follow up article Twitter/X

[Image description: Marc-Édouard Vlasic and Kevin Labanc walking down a hallway next to each other, wearing suits. End description.] Fig. 4: with Pickles Twitter/X

[Image description: Bobbleheads of Tim Heed and Kevin Labanc in San Jose Barracuda uniforms. End description.] Fig. 5: Cuda bobblehead from 2019 Twitter/X

[Image description: Timo Meier and Kevin Labanc holding Xbox controllers and sitting on a couch. Timo is leaning back while laughing with a hand to his mouth. End description.] Fig. 6: gaming with his bestie in 2019. no idea where they posted the full video tho [broken heart] Twitter/X

Last updated: 2024 Mar 21

[End slide 6 transcript.]

[Start slide 7 transcript.]

Kevin Labanc #62 — more pictures!! [NOTE: Larger title text.]

[Image description: Kevin Labanc and Filip Zadina hug at practice. End description.] Fig. 1: with Filip Zadina at practice [cheerful] Twitter/X

oensible: originally I was like “ok im DONE with kevin labanc slides NO MORE kevin slides” and then i saw this pic and went well… maybe one more

[Image description: 2 images. First is Kevin Labanc celebrates with Logan Couture after the Sharks scored a goal in the third period of game 7. Second is a hockey trading card of Kevin Labanc cheering. Detroit Red Wings players in a state of dismay can be seen behind him. End description.] Fig. 2–3: this guy can get his mouth open so Horizontal and so Vertical. I find him so charming Benjamin Hager/Las Vegas Review-Journal / hooker-carty.cz

[Image description: Kevin Labanc and Brenden Dillon laughing with each other during a game. End description.] Fig. 4: next to ex-Shark Brenden Dillon who makes him look about 3 inches tall Fear the Fin/ChatSports

oensible: shout out to vox media for breaking all of fear the fin’s old articles when they made them have to move to their new site btw.

Fig. 5: his mini-quiches [heart]

[Image description: Kevin Labanc high sticks Blues player Colton Parayko . End description.] Fig. 6: he’s committing a crime here (bad) but I would like to point out Colton Parayko is 7 inches taller than him and makes him look itty bitty Paul Chinn/SF Chronicle

Last updated: 2024 Mar 25 [Image description: Tiny Kevin. End description.]

[End slide 7 transcript.]