Touched
If you read any of my other posts... you might see ive been going through some things. Hearing voices, depression, anxiety, most recently (though i have not wrote about it but i will, pmdd)and TBI. I.was baptized in 2015 and honestly it felt like it was on a whim.. but i was not seeing the desired results from all the cyrstals , candles, "manifesting" and the like of other satanic crap i used to do. i was rasied with jesus but also the worldly understanding of this. As a child i would read the bible all night until i fell asleep, i feel i would talked to God constantly, but when teens hit i got drawn into the world of magic thinking it was some sort of "good". i wanted to help people and do "good" it seemed only natural. year later after years of addiction and almost lossing ny life i still didnt see that witchcraft was the big problem. i was craving that sense of sanity i had growimg up. plus my grandmother was the person to introduce me to jesus when i was young and when i went back to michigan that introduction was what fueled me to rememeber that God is(was) goodness. More recently dealing with the consequence of a life full of both bad choices and uncontrollable outside cirumstance, The goodness of God has been the only thing at has kept me from certain death. I have tried to kill myslef, been through some abuse, had some serious mental health issues and his mercy has kept me through it all... and trust me it has not been easy. More recently i have been seeing a pyschologist and even through it has its moments of being helpful, it still leaves much to be desired. I have been using prayer amd therapy in combination but the moment i take prayer out of the situation it becomes lack luster. God is the true healer in my life. My current situations with PMDD, has been a horrifying battle the past two years if i am guessing right about the time. but the past 6months have been maybe the worse of them all, loss of friends, having a hard time comepleting school work, work work, feeling suicidal, depressed, axious and a whole host of negative things. Alot of which mimic The TBI symptoms equally if not worse. After about a year of therapy i have been talking,praying and hoping for some relief. i was standing on the platform waiting on the train... the voices are screaming and im sad and angry... and i was just tired of being this way... in my heart i screamed that ENOUGH WAS ENOUGH. And i tell you what i felt a light come on, a cool fire if you will in my chest and it became visible to me a chruch in the distance, a giant cross. God had heard my screams, i was so filled with joy for the first time in months. i felt light and happy. Im so greatful he come to my rescue, i had seeked every remedy i could and tried to deal with things throughout these years but none of them has brought me true JOY like the love of Christ!! i had started working out dealing with rejection, and i beileve God has been sending me angels to help me feel more seen and understood, i had a few really great days after this, feel like im underattack with sadness and darkness some times and even if i cant be happy every day within Jesus gave me hope on that platform that day. i just wanted to share this. If you have made it to the end May God touch your heart the way he touched mine. I still have stuff to work out but im starting to realize im not alone. and thats a great feeling. thats it for now #jesus
#testimony #hope #mentalwellness #pmdd #god #changed