#post-birthday

[ssangster]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!

aHHhh THANK 💕

[ssangster]

OML BABE ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY?!? HAPPY BIRTHDAY 💞💜💞💝💞💜💕💞💝

THAAAANK YOOOU!! 😚💞💜💕

[filmvideosandreviews]

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dt0eF2jT6NM)

Enjoy.

[agent-7-at-your-service]

Birthday was yesterday.

((And I actually enjoyed it. Though the timezones might be throwing every friend I I know on tumblr off. :S ))

[prettysuicidal]

23/04/2016, it's 113 days in.

Alright so last night I took a cab over to the place from the hosp and this guy I’ve been sort of seeing since last July (let’s just called him the law guy cause that’s what me and my friends refer him as) introduced me to one of his other close Friend.

They were already there 20 mins before me and we 3 just stood at the bar counter at a Japanese liquor shop, drinking Japanese sake (cause what else do you drink like no there’s no vodka for you there but sake)

So anyway, it was past midnight and law guy had a flight to catch at 2am so he suggest that we make a move first and here’s the thing, he’s been having a law school gathering with seniors or juniors that are working in Singapore earlier that day so basically he’s been drinking since 6:30pm (and he told me this morning that he haven’t had dinner last night so the drinks really fucked him up) and so we got back and I was dizzy and high and we both sort of passed out and well, he missed his flight. He got it rescheduled for today’s 5pm and basically he was really upset and crying about it so that’s a big man-baby to take care of.

I ended up crying too cause I was so worried he might get depression one day or if he’s even depressed and I’m so worried and my thoughts went, please don’t end up like me. It’s so miserable and you’ve a life ahead of you, don’t come down this path and it’s just a missed flight and anyone can miss a flight and it’s not your fault you’re really tired and you can’t be blame for it. (Lmao no, we didn’t do a thing. He’s like really tired from work)

And once the whole ordeal is over, it’s about 3am and he asked if I want to stay in or do I still want to get out. I said I don’t mind either and so basically we got out for another glass of drink at this hotel club ; and he knows the bartender for frequenting so much previously oh goodness.

Got back via uber and my head hurt too much to sleep and it wasn’t long that I watch the day break and the room slowly get light up by the morning sun and I’m sure it’s about 7am or so and I probably didn’t manage to catch any sleep till 8am or so. I was feeling so cold from the temp of the AC and my head hurts and somehow I feel like throwing up but not quite.

Anyway so I managed to catch some sleep, woke up around noon or slightly later, finally had a shower after last night and went out and got lunch with him. We didn’t leave for the nearby mall till it’s about 12:50pm. We grabbed some groceries and electronic appliances and went for Vietnamese food.

It’s my first time having Vietnamese food? I mean I wanted to try it and there’s one at the hosp and I wanted to have it when I was allowed out on an outing during this Jan admission but their rice paper roll have meat and I just wanted veggies so that wasn’t happening and that’s the closest I’ve got to trying Vietnamese food till today.

I had Pho beef bowl. It’s actually good. And also the rice paper roll with prawn and lemongrass chicken in it cause the other had beef with mango and I’ve been having allergic reaction to fruits and I reacted to mango once so till I see my allergist in June, I’m just going to stay away to play sage. AND I DIDN’T PURGE. I told him I won’t and I wasn’t going to and I was regretting it while walking back home to his apartment cause I can feel all this food inside of me and I feel huge and full and fat. Like I feel fat and I feel like everyone can see my food baby and I look like I’ve gained 3kg from that one meal which is crazy.

He got me an uber home right after putting he stuff down cause he’s gotna get to the airport soon and I went back, still contemplating on it esp since I changed out to my PJ dress and I could see my body while I was in the bathroom. But I didn’t. I promise law guy I won’t and I wouldn’t want to disappoint him. He’s too nice.

And last night for some reason he kept saying “you’re amazing” like how he does usually and he makes me feel so feminine and never feel bad about my scars like he doesn’t yell at me or anything. He encourages me to take off my jacket if it’s uncomfortable or when he thinks I’m getting uncomfortable and he would say really reassuring stuff like, “this bar/restaurant is dimmed I doubt anyone will see it.” when I start questioning or worrying about my self harm scars.

And somehow apart from telling me how amazing I am. He’s like, “… yeah but I don’t want to abuse/use you and hurt you.” cause he was just on how he’s a jerk and not as amazing as I am which is so not true at all. (Oh and there’s this couple who was staring at us the entire night and he went like, they’re staring cause of you cause you’re great. - in refer to him not being great at picking girls up) and somehow idk how we got to it but before all of that he’s like, “yeah so why not we start dating now?”

And the shit is…. I actually don’t know what the convo like or what he or I said before that led him to say that but yeah I didn’t say yes or no so it’s alright and cool.

It was 9:30pm when I looked at my clock earlier and all I can think of is how he’s probably just landed an hour ago and I hope he’s happy but I just… Idk man. I just miss him already. Oh sigh. I won’t see him for like another 10 days.

//

Right so I came home and sis’s Boyfriend basically asked me when I’m at the gate if I got laid last night. Geez.

I left the house the same time as them when they went for dinner and wasn’t home till this afternoon and for them to see me wearing the same outfit and know that I wasn’t home; that feels weird man. It’s like my outfit literally screamed I was out with someone and didn’t come home tonight. Pretty sure the rest of the story is pretty easy for anyone to figure it out.

Oh and nice aunt was cooking and preparing dinner. My house smells of food and it’s just half past 2pm. She’s back since yesterday and usually I’ll go out for dinner with her but cause I went out to celebrate my birthday with law guy and his Friend, I didn’t. And she’ve planned to cook today since this Tuesday so it’s kind of like a fam birthday dinner to me I suppose.

Yeah except that I just had dinner all by myself cause she said the noodles she had earlier is too spicy and she’s not hungry from it and it’s been so long since I’m made to sit at a table and eat by myself. I don’t eat by myself if someone cooks at home cause it feels like it defeats the purpose of homecooked meals when eating alone makes me feel so cold and lonely instead of fuzzy.

Mean aunt isn’t back so that’s fine cause she doesn’t come back to this apartment when nice aunt is home. They take turns to “watch over me” Oh and that night I tried to return her the red packet cause I really don’t need to take more money from her and I feel like I’m spending too much of it so I felt bad and she said, that’s meant for good luck.

What can I even say now oh sigh. So Mission failed lol. It’s with me and I have yet to open it and I don’t even want to know how much is it in cause if it’s a lot I’ll feel greedy and undeserving but I feel like if it’s too little I’m like be so meh over it like just like any person would lol.

That’s all I actually did for today. So post-birthday day 1 is actually okay. I haven’t got used to saying I’m 20 but…. For now I’m okay, as long as I don’t think about it. I would probably not think about it and run away from it for as Long as I can and when it hits me, it hits hard and I’ll crash but before then, I don’t want to curse myself for it. { and alcohol is a depressant and I took it last night so let’s see how this will go down… }

Ps: I had 2 different bars of chocolates and it’s great. I didn’t purge that too. I actually love chocolate a lot and I’ve been eating it and I supposed that’s a treat cause I’m actually really happy about it.

Till tmr you guys, that’s my day and updates for now. I’ll be posting gifs till tmr updates. xx

[iearthboy]

So I try to hang on to as much beard as I can, but it still cut down a little low.  On the other side i still have something, its a clean look and I feel good.  What do you guys think?

[iearthboy]

(NOTE: done on notebook camera)

“Yawn”.  Good morning beautiful people. “stretch” I hope everyone had a good yesterday. Think you, everybody who wished me happy birthday. I did have a very nice birthday. It was a small little gathering among friends but I enjoyed it thoroughly. Now I have to get ready to start my day.  Thank god there's a double shot Latte macchiato in the fridge.😛